I am always astounded at how I find myself on the wrong side of some women. Usually it is the current girlfriend of an ex or the current wife of a fan or former high school classmate. I don't get it. And they are so psychotic about it too. Wowsa.
Two years ago I had just been on national television a bunch and everyone from my childhood and beyond came out of the woodwork to congratulate me. Some were classmates, some were old friends, some were original fans from back home. One was a former neighbor of mine who played football with my brother. Although he was older than I was, I always got on with the dude. Anyway, I was making videos and doing well and posted one on her dude's wall. She writes me a scathing message. I was like WTF?!?! I don't want your man. We don't even live in the same city. I don't even know you lady. Well he got smart and dumped her like the fat bag of wet laundry that she is. Oh and he got full custody of their kid. Now he raises his young son as a single dad and is doing well. We were talking about Miss X and it turns out that she is bipolar and refused to take her meds. How lovely. You did the smart thing by getting away. I should know.
After her was this baby mama of a fan of mine who wrote me a profanity laden email threatening to kill me. Then when I basically told this breeding lump with a bad tan that all she ever did was push children out of her vagina that probably is so loose that it swings like a kiddie tire swing I blocked her. Then she got her red neck friends who are probably so inbred that they are their own grandpa to write me nasty notes. After I blocked all of them she started an I Hate April Group. I was like wow, you must really have no time on your hands. God forbid you catch your husband reading Playboy or watching Baywatch. Eek! She had some redneck name too. I mean, I saw her mother's wedding pictures and they all had that white trash ink. Who knows? Maybe her man had to look elsewhere. Dreaming is free
Lest we not forget the former girlfriend of my psychotic ex fiance. He was nuts and she was even nuttier. She basically was a childhood sweetheart of his that reconnected with him in the myspace days. Our relationship ended and this trouble maker started sending me nasty messages. As if it was even her freaking business. Then when my ex was stalking me, she starts stalking me biproxy leaving nasty messages too and doing some of his dirty work. When he posted drawings of someone that looked like me being gored, the cunt (I dont use the word lightly but when the shoe fits wear it) was the first to like them and claimed she wanted more art work. She too had a hobby of making babies with numerous men. An obese semi-shut in, she coached cheerleading and liked the same music her children did such as Z100. Note, when you are in your thirties listening to that music and putting hearts next to Justin Beiber end your life now. Then when I got on TV she starts posting shit on every forum there is about how I slandered my ex, stalked her, and how I had so many mental problems she needed to block me. No you big fat cow. I had to block you and as I recall I was working with myspace at one point who limited the things you could do on your page and blocked my ex from using again because I had proven my case. WOW. Anyway, she has moved on to taking one of her baby daddy's to court. So I don't have to worry about her. Maybe she will die of a heart attack.
Of and then there is the current girlfriend of my ex. A wannabe singer, comedian, and half assed poet this big, fat, heap of a woman who gains more weight the longer she stays with my ex made my winter/spring quite interesting. A true wannabe, this wench began copying my look. When I put up a video, so did she. When I announced the release of a book, suddenly guess who starts writing poetry and she had never written poetry before. Guess who keeps a blog and guess who announces she is working on a book? I would have dismissed that nonsense except she began prank calling me. Oh and then she and her friends made a video where a girl named April got her head beaten in. After that, she insisted I was harassing her and spread her filthy lies about me like AIDS. Meanwhile bitch is copying my look and career and doesn't have the talent. Oh and she wrote a nasty poem about me and plagiarized a line from one of mine. Couldn't even diss me with her own words. From the looks of things she does drugs and drinks all day and doesn't have a job. I have done nothing to this woman except I once dated her boyfriend and now am doing well with her life. She no longer bothers me either. Now she plays shows with her shitty rock band for three people who can tolerate the out of tune nonsense she calls a voice. But according to my friends she still alludes to me on twitter. Let her talk. She's got a good subject.
Last but not least is the wife of a former classmate of mine. The dude who I will call Johnny went to school with me from elementary school to the end of high school. We were always friends actually. Anyway when I graduated I went to NYC and lost contact. I guess in the meantime he met this beast creature that he married. Johnny always liked pretty girls, but this one could crack a mirror. Anyway she looks like a weed whacker cut her hair and is heroin chic skinny, probably from shooting up. So this spawn of Norman Bates writes me a nasty letter about how she wants me to "stay the fuck away from her husband." Wow. We don't even live in the same state and you live in a shitty white trash part of my former city. No problem. And then the freaking internet tough girl blocked me so I couldn't reply back. Nice to see my former grade school chum has found himself in a codependent power struggle with a woman who is cat shit crazy. Then I looked on her page to see who she was. This nutcase kept posting videos of her smoking, getting trashed, and then her statuses were about how she hadn't slept. I saw a photo of her and my former classmate and they both had pock marks on their faces, circles under their eyes, and looked like they were either coming or going to their neighborhood crack house. How sweet, two addicts who found love. Tell Flaco and the rest of the crew at the crack house I said hola. Hope it works out for you both. Until then, know your husband does in fact secretly dream of me. It's not because I am pretty. It's because I am not you, you crazy bitch.
Still, this makes me not want to get married ever. All marries seems like is an exercise in codependency. If anything it makes me glad I am single. The older I get the less I want to be married with kids. Some feel the need, after the shit I have seen I don't. If your marriage or relationship is that much of a power struggle get out. You don't need a man to complete you. You can make it on your own. You were a person before you started sucking his dick and you will be a person afterwards. No man is worth wearing prison orange over. Good riddance.
Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com
Two years ago I had just been on national television a bunch and everyone from my childhood and beyond came out of the woodwork to congratulate me. Some were classmates, some were old friends, some were original fans from back home. One was a former neighbor of mine who played football with my brother. Although he was older than I was, I always got on with the dude. Anyway, I was making videos and doing well and posted one on her dude's wall. She writes me a scathing message. I was like WTF?!?! I don't want your man. We don't even live in the same city. I don't even know you lady. Well he got smart and dumped her like the fat bag of wet laundry that she is. Oh and he got full custody of their kid. Now he raises his young son as a single dad and is doing well. We were talking about Miss X and it turns out that she is bipolar and refused to take her meds. How lovely. You did the smart thing by getting away. I should know.
After her was this baby mama of a fan of mine who wrote me a profanity laden email threatening to kill me. Then when I basically told this breeding lump with a bad tan that all she ever did was push children out of her vagina that probably is so loose that it swings like a kiddie tire swing I blocked her. Then she got her red neck friends who are probably so inbred that they are their own grandpa to write me nasty notes. After I blocked all of them she started an I Hate April Group. I was like wow, you must really have no time on your hands. God forbid you catch your husband reading Playboy or watching Baywatch. Eek! She had some redneck name too. I mean, I saw her mother's wedding pictures and they all had that white trash ink. Who knows? Maybe her man had to look elsewhere. Dreaming is free
Lest we not forget the former girlfriend of my psychotic ex fiance. He was nuts and she was even nuttier. She basically was a childhood sweetheart of his that reconnected with him in the myspace days. Our relationship ended and this trouble maker started sending me nasty messages. As if it was even her freaking business. Then when my ex was stalking me, she starts stalking me biproxy leaving nasty messages too and doing some of his dirty work. When he posted drawings of someone that looked like me being gored, the cunt (I dont use the word lightly but when the shoe fits wear it) was the first to like them and claimed she wanted more art work. She too had a hobby of making babies with numerous men. An obese semi-shut in, she coached cheerleading and liked the same music her children did such as Z100. Note, when you are in your thirties listening to that music and putting hearts next to Justin Beiber end your life now. Then when I got on TV she starts posting shit on every forum there is about how I slandered my ex, stalked her, and how I had so many mental problems she needed to block me. No you big fat cow. I had to block you and as I recall I was working with myspace at one point who limited the things you could do on your page and blocked my ex from using again because I had proven my case. WOW. Anyway, she has moved on to taking one of her baby daddy's to court. So I don't have to worry about her. Maybe she will die of a heart attack.
Of and then there is the current girlfriend of my ex. A wannabe singer, comedian, and half assed poet this big, fat, heap of a woman who gains more weight the longer she stays with my ex made my winter/spring quite interesting. A true wannabe, this wench began copying my look. When I put up a video, so did she. When I announced the release of a book, suddenly guess who starts writing poetry and she had never written poetry before. Guess who keeps a blog and guess who announces she is working on a book? I would have dismissed that nonsense except she began prank calling me. Oh and then she and her friends made a video where a girl named April got her head beaten in. After that, she insisted I was harassing her and spread her filthy lies about me like AIDS. Meanwhile bitch is copying my look and career and doesn't have the talent. Oh and she wrote a nasty poem about me and plagiarized a line from one of mine. Couldn't even diss me with her own words. From the looks of things she does drugs and drinks all day and doesn't have a job. I have done nothing to this woman except I once dated her boyfriend and now am doing well with her life. She no longer bothers me either. Now she plays shows with her shitty rock band for three people who can tolerate the out of tune nonsense she calls a voice. But according to my friends she still alludes to me on twitter. Let her talk. She's got a good subject.
Last but not least is the wife of a former classmate of mine. The dude who I will call Johnny went to school with me from elementary school to the end of high school. We were always friends actually. Anyway when I graduated I went to NYC and lost contact. I guess in the meantime he met this beast creature that he married. Johnny always liked pretty girls, but this one could crack a mirror. Anyway she looks like a weed whacker cut her hair and is heroin chic skinny, probably from shooting up. So this spawn of Norman Bates writes me a nasty letter about how she wants me to "stay the fuck away from her husband." Wow. We don't even live in the same state and you live in a shitty white trash part of my former city. No problem. And then the freaking internet tough girl blocked me so I couldn't reply back. Nice to see my former grade school chum has found himself in a codependent power struggle with a woman who is cat shit crazy. Then I looked on her page to see who she was. This nutcase kept posting videos of her smoking, getting trashed, and then her statuses were about how she hadn't slept. I saw a photo of her and my former classmate and they both had pock marks on their faces, circles under their eyes, and looked like they were either coming or going to their neighborhood crack house. How sweet, two addicts who found love. Tell Flaco and the rest of the crew at the crack house I said hola. Hope it works out for you both. Until then, know your husband does in fact secretly dream of me. It's not because I am pretty. It's because I am not you, you crazy bitch.
Still, this makes me not want to get married ever. All marries seems like is an exercise in codependency. If anything it makes me glad I am single. The older I get the less I want to be married with kids. Some feel the need, after the shit I have seen I don't. If your marriage or relationship is that much of a power struggle get out. You don't need a man to complete you. You can make it on your own. You were a person before you started sucking his dick and you will be a person afterwards. No man is worth wearing prison orange over. Good riddance.
Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com
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