Thursday, March 20, 2014

Dream Lover (Mariah Carey)

I had two dreams about crushes this week, past and present. Earlier this week I had a dream about a crush from my past. He was a Sagitarrian. Yes, as in the sign that refuses to work, gets by off of scamming women and their bedroom swings like a NYC subway turnstyle. They are probably as dirty as one too, seeing that Sag's are more often than not homeless.

Anyway, this tattooed dream boat who I will call Bobby met me when I was a teenager. At eighteen, I was this fawn trying to find my voice and he was just a bad boy. Seriously bad. I mean, obsessed with cars and doing drugs bad. Oh, and he also tested the judicial system kind of bad. You know, my future husband. DUH!!! Anyway, I liked him and he liked me. But the way of these things is I did what I was supposed to do with my life and he didn't. So Bobby ran around with trashy women who hated the fact he always gave me free rides in this car he painted and remodeled. One evening I tried to impress him and failed. Yeah, we were friends after that but eh.

Well Bobby kicked drugs, found God, and now is more annoying than ever. According to my friends who have stayed in touch with him, Bobby will read the Bible and preach to anyone who will listen. Most people don't, they just run like they saw Godzilla when Bobby comes. Apparently, he has a tattoo of an angel on his back with the words "Jesus saves." Yeah, he should have stuck to heroin. Bobby is also married to another women he met in drug treatment. Apparently they are opening a church with a tattoo shop in it. She also has angel wings on her back and didn't cover these up in the wedding pictures. Just cause you met in rehab don't mean you gotta dress like it.

Several nights ago, I had a dream I got another chance with Bobby. We were at an old hang out in my hometown, Benny's Flat Bread. Anyway, Bobby and I were in the parking lot. I looked into his deep, dark, bad boy bedroom eyes. He went to kiss me. I had waited so long for Bobby Thomas the bad boy to kiss me. I would be swept off my feet, right?Oh wrong. Hell to the no. Bobby Thomas gave me the sloppest, wetest, emptiest kiss. Oh and he slipped me the most vile tongue. I just kept thinking, "NOOOOO!!!!!" Granted, you are a disappointment in real time but at least you could have been good in my dreams. On the regular when I hear about Bobby Thomas the universe is telling me I dodged a bullet. Looks like I double dodged a bullet. When a man is a sucky kisser even in your dreams, there was never a future there. And to think I let that failure break my heart.

A present crush I found myself dreaming about is a friend of mine. He is born under the sign of Cancer. To me, a man born under that sign is like crack cocaine laced with kryptonite. Yeah, they start out like a good time but end up ruining me forever. This crush, whom I will call Arliss, is so not my type. I am not usually into dudes like him, but I am kind of into him. He called me out of the blue a few weeks ago and can't get him out of my mind. We were always friends, then we worked together, then things got crazy, and then they didn't. Arliss was a little bit of a mack daddy back in the day. Between him and his roommate/best friend, they slept with every girl I knew aside from me.

Eighteen months ago I saw Arliss's bestie and he introduced me as the only girl he knew from that time period that didn't sleep with him. Yeah, I was a little bit of a good girl and prude during that period in my life. Beyond prude, I didn't even know how to talk to a guy. Hell I still don't. Anyway, I remembered how those two were Mack Daddy Supreme.

So things got complicated cause Arliss had a gal pal. Things were on the rocks when we reconnected, but he still very much loved her. It got even more complicated cause Arliss's new bestie liked me, but was too weird to make a move. Even though I am far from the prude Arliss knew back in the day, he is still too much of a Mack Daddy for me. Plus I never pegged myself for his type. Oh and I wear wayyy too much clothing, LOL. Not that he works in a strip club, but his job puts him around a crappola loada of beauties.

Well I have not been able to get Arliss out of my mind. In the middle of this week I had a dream. We were at a party and he told me he liked me. He told me he always thought I was pretty, but didn't want to ruin our friendship (AWWWW!!!!). Anyway, he told me he always wanted to kiss me. Arliss took me out to the patio and kissed me passionately. We then proceeded to make love like the world was ending, and let me tel you he was HOTTTTTTTEERRRRR than ever in my dream.

I asked him if I would see him again. Before he could answer me, I woke up.

Note to self, Sagitarrians and Cancers disappoint and disappear in dreams and for real. Still, the sleepy time surprises were worth it. Bobby Thomas is married but that could all change. Arliss is coupled but apparently they are on the fritz. There is always summer poppy seeds.


I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

Come see me for my DVD taping
April 22nd at 7pm
Metropolitan Room
34 w. 22nd st

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