Sunday, July 28, 2013

Yes, No, Maybe

I have a crush. Yes, a crush. The first one I have had in months. It is an extremely long story. I can't get into it and well, it's just crazy. But yeah, have a crush. It's kind of crazy. Crushes are irresponsible. Crushes are one of those things that are imaginary. Men that I crush on are like Mr. Potato Head. You start from the ground up and build them step by step.

This dude is totally not my type in a lot of ways either. I mean he's good hearted and all. I just have a feeling that it totally wouldn't work out. But I don't care. I am entitled to my crush, right?

I was telling my new assistant Masimo about this. Masimo saw his photo, thought it he was hot -Masimo is gay by the way, and we giggled. Yes my crush is hot. Yes he is that kind of white boy I am not typically into. But I can dig it. In my mind he is Mr. Perfect, but I know otherwise. In my mind he can do no wrong and say nothing stupid, although his facebook page proves otherwise.

This week I did a show for some kids at the Phoenix House in Long Island. They age ranged from 15-20. According to them the 15 year olds were the worst coming in, doing the most drugs and drinking the hardest. When I looked at these kids I realized that they were at the yes, no and maybe age. I wanted to tell them now that I was no longer drinking my social skills with men had improved. That now I could look a dude in the eye without my puppets and tell him I thought he was hot.But that is a flat out lie. I can't. Most of the time when I have a crush I admire from afar. Usually I say something stupid and it's all over. Or I am just myself and they run in the other direction. However I think these dudes picked up on the fact I was awkward when it came to the guys, lol.

If only I had May Wilson's confidence than I would be getting boyfriends at my door all the time. Then again, when May offers sexual favors she doesn't get a stalker that followers her home.

Like an idiot I have been all over my crush's facebook page looking at the women he is posing with. And I have been taking the very female but very mentally unstable action of hating them all. In my mind this dude has gone from my boyfriend, to being the hottest lover ever, and we are breaking up as we speak and we have only talked a few times. And for the record I did the dumping. I know, sexified, right?

I cannot do this whole guy thing. It's just too hard.

Maybe I will stick to puppets. They do and say what I want.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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