Monday, July 1, 2013

To Wong Foo: This is Soooo GAAy

Gay Marriage is legal. We saw it happen yesterday on the Swish float
Okay, yesterday was Pride as you know and I was out and about with my Booski Bernard aka Teena the Ballerina for the day. Our plan: to crash the parade and make a scene. Bernard came to my place to change into his costume. As soon as he entered my domain, we began to gossip like a good little gay boy and fruit fly. During his transformation, Bernard discovered he was missing his eyelash glue. He could not be Teena without any eyelash glue!!!!

So off to the corner store I went. On my way there I was in my outfit and got the thumbs up from several of the homos in my hood. However I was slightly gay bashed. One old Jew saw me and sneered, "Lesbian!" I thought, if it means I don't have to date you I will be munching rug until the end of time, Pal. What a dickass. But nevermind him, no dick would want to go near his ass.

I came back to my apartment and told Bernard of my ordeal and he comforted me. We would be where we could be safe in no time, the Fairy Tale Kingdom of LGBTQ Land. So off to the Parade we went. As we were forced to walk through Hederoville, we got some stares from families and children but wheves. We would be on Fifth soon enough. And once we were, we heard, "HAPPY PRIDE!!!" Immediately, people were in love with our costumes and kept taking our photos. Of course, before we did this Bernard and I laid an intention to our higher power so that we could bring love and joy and rainbows!!!!!!

We took photos with several strangers and plotted where to break into the parade. That is when we saw Bernard's friend Khalil, code name Heidi. Heidi was dressed in drag with fake tits that spouted liquor. A welcome surprise, it was three brains, one totally biologically woman and two lady for the day. Bernard whined about wearing heals and wondered how women did it. I offered to lend him my uterus next year for the full effect along with a side of sexism. We had a laugh. As we walked down the street there were more and more photos taken when Bernard commanded that Officer E be taken out, aka the gay child in my puppet family.

The photos became more and more and we began to search for a way in. But oh no, 26 street was detoured. So we panicked. I told the homos to stay calm, while they were only dressed as women there was a real one in charge. That is when we went around and came in through 23rd and 5th. We broke in the parade. Bernard and Khalil wanted a float with music and paced up and down Fifth as the parade was going. I told them to behave. We had worked so hard to crash the parade, now we were going to get kicked out. Just then the parade marshall made a motion for us to move, and I yelled, "Step lively, homos!" And off we went.

We ended up initially crashing the Bueno Float and skipping along with signs. I took out Officer E and we were hugging and kissing strangers. Bernard and Khalil and I took a shitload of photos, and we just kept dancing in the streets for marriage equality. We were so good the Bueno camp even gave us signs! The music was good and the pictures were snapping. We were part of Pride. We were part of history. People were happy. As Officer E (Or Officer Bottom as my homos call him) and I were hugging and kissing strangers, I wondered what my mother would say. She would probably be shoving a Z Pack in my direction but alas.

The music on the Bueno float ceased to be good and plus we were losing Khalil and his vodka tits and Bernard had also been MIA on one occasion while taking a photo or two. So we joined the Swish float. They had better music and there were people on there getting wedded. As we were dancing with the Swish float I heard, "APRIL!" That is when I saw some of my friends. Then I saw more of my friends. Everyone was watching me in the parade!!!!! As we danced with the Swish float some girl accosted me for a picture and asked, "I saw you on TV. You have your puppet. This is so cool." I was like McSweet.

Then as we danced down the street and I was jumping up and down with my puppet and I kissing the strangers the Swish float stopped. There was a wedding happening. DOMA had been overturned. Bernard, Khalil and I watched the nuptials and felt tears come to our eyes. Perhaps Bernard was right. I should not give up on true love. As the parade ended I was recognized by a little gay boy who said, "You were on TV with those puppets, right?" I was like yes. And I told him to tell the world April Brucker and her puppet children loved everyone regardless of race, color, creed, orientation and whatnot.

And then as the parade wound down the drag queen announcing told me to shake it. It was like completing a marathon. The three of us, lost souls in the world of drag, danced our way to the parade's end and kissed and hugged several more strangers. We took photos with some folks and then as we made our way in the gaycentric West Village we eyed out for a place to sit down. All the while more friends came my way. This was funtastic.

As we continued taking pics a third girl said, "I recognized your face but when I saw that puppet I knew who you were." I was like wowsa, recognized three times. Do I get a Gay Bingo or perhaps a hot black stud chick to throw me over her shoulder and make sweet love to me? You have to throw in both. It is Pride.

Finally, we ended up getting some greasy fried chicken. Khalil split to meet friends. Bernard and I ate and talked to some straight dude who supported. My friend Justin dropped by and gave me some gossip on people we both hated. Bernard then split to go to a boat party, and I was supposed to meet up with another friend but it didnt happen. I think she was too tired. But anywho, it was a fun day. On my walk home took more photos, made more friends, and kissed and hugged more strangers.

Now to take some vitamins.

The homos are hibernating today. But I am proud of my gay friends being who they are. I am proud to be their friend and that we share our friendship. And yes, even when they realize that being a woman once a year is enough.

Happy Day After Pride!!!

What happens on Christopher St. stays on Christopher St.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook, also through Brown and NYU Books
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Summer
Portion of proceeds go to Ali Fornay Center

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