Friday, February 1, 2013

Something I Can Never Have (Nine Inch Nails)

I recently had a friend of mine fall off track. Yes, as in no longer sober. As in abscond from his court appointed drug program. Actually abscond is a fancy word for took a detour on a twenty four hour pass and then go on the run missing court. Essentially fucking up. I don't know what hurts my heart worse. The fact he was doing so well for once and slipped and is now going to be a guest for Club Fed, or the fact I blew him off the last two times he wanted to hang out because I was busy with my life and my career.

This is a particular friend I love and care for. He was excited and proud of me when I published my book. I remember once we were chilling and I didnt know whether to mention my book to my other friends, cohorts from the wild phase of my life. My friend said to me, "You need to tell them about your book, April. These people know that if they get their shit together they can do cool things, too."

Things had been looking good for this friend too. He was talking about teaching dance again, because he had once toured with a national show. He was talking about going back to school. Then this all happened.

Some say jail might be a better place for him. The lack of freedom will make it hard for him to get in trouble. Maybe there will be twelve step or other drug rehabilitation resources. Maybe the time behind bars will help him.

But maybe not. Jails make people worse. And jails are terrible places for drug addicts. Not to mention my friend is gay and might be a target for other inmates.

I guess I miss my buddy and his texts. I also get sickened by what drugs do to people. I think of all the people I lost over the years as a result of their drug/alcohol abuse. I have known people who have overdosed, been murdered, or killed themselves because they couldnt take chasing the freaking dragon followed by the terrible lie. Drugs rip apart families and destroy lives.

The worst part is society just tells people to say no. Saying no is not enough because addiction is a disease. I don't think they should even send drug addicts to jail.

On the other hand, my buddy knew what he was doing when he absconded. It had nothing to do with me. It was his decision. He knew what was going to happen.

I want to visit him in jail before they move him to Club Fed, but I feel like a bitch cause I will get to go home and he won't. Either way, tonight I am putting together a package to get my book in another store. During that errand I will write a letter to my friend and let him know I still love him and care.

I will also keep him in my prayers and hope that God guides him the right way.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
877-Buy-Book, paperback
Ebook available on Kindle and Nook

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