I have a love/hate relationship with this time of year. I
love how it starts to get cool as the temperature drops and the leaves start to
fall. They turn orange like pumpkins and remind me of the Pumpkin Spiced Lattes
and the boys I scam into buying them for me. They turn blood red, burnt like
fire, perfect for poetry writing, mountain biking, and long walks in the cemetery.
On the other hand it’s sort of sad because school is back.
The summer is most definitely over and I can’t wear white. It’s accepting that
there will be no frolicking on a strangers yacht in the marina that I know
through friends. It’s accepting that I can no longer go to the beach. It’s
accepting that my birthday is coming up, something that I used to hate as a
child and have learned to love as an adult. It is the passage of time.
This weekend has been jinxed for me for the past several
years. Nothing ever good happens Labor Day Weekend. In 2007 I had just stopped
drinking and did a gig for a Sober Fest. Some of the folks were cool, some
hated my guts and let me know it on the spot. They said they were laughers.
Apparently when some people take the booze out of the equation they become
total church people. I have done other sober shows that were good. But it was
like a long trek up, a long trek back, and just being out of my mind and going
crazy. However, the booker liked me and they did like May Wilson. Who doesn’t.
In 2008 I was ending a very bad relationship. Basically my
then boyfriend and I were fighting all the time and this particular fight got
so bad that I just starting yelling at him and then he threw me out. Of course
this was all egged on by a flat chested bitch who was living with him named
Trouble because that is what she was. She was his so called bestie but really
she wanted to be more and was willing to ruin any relationship he had so she
could get it. I hate her guts, and if there was a time or a place I will give
her what is coming to her I will. But yeah, I had my heartbroken that weekend.
But then afterwards I found out my man had a huge lying problem so he was no
big loss.
The following year I was on a comedy tour which ended up
being a disaster. Venues didn’t do proper promo, shows were cancelled, and then
someone tried to stiff us out of money. However I did do one good show and that
opened some doors for me. But it was a hellacious weekend that made me want to
get the bumper sticker that said, “Living the dream.”
Of course 2010 brought me having a falling out with my
dearly departed friend Roger. One that resulted in that being the last time we
spoke before he died. I don’t know what broke my heart more, the fact that he
made the choices he did or the fact I never told him how much he meant to me as
my friend. I never got to say I was sorry before he died or to tell him I wasn’t
mad at him but what he was doing to himself. Then my old roommate who was like
my sister moved out which left a big hole in my heart too. However, I know she
is happy. More importantly, I know Roger is finally at peace and took the path
he had to. I know his spirit holds no grudge and is one of many angels that has
my back. Most importantly, he is out of pain and that’s all I ever wanted for
him.
Then 2011 I basically made one of the biggest banking errors
of my life and overdrew an amount in the thousands. I also had a meltdown over
the fact some big career thing didn’t happen. Weekend sucked.
Oh and this year was no different. I worked a lot which was
good. However in a moment of foolhardy fun I played a practical joke on a
friend that I cared about. It was meant to be funny but the truth is, turned
out to be pretty rotten. In part it was for my own amusement, in part it was to
actually stop her from doing something really out there over a guy. Long story
short, I came clean the next day and apologized. I thought she would laugh it
off. Instead she told me it was messed up and she never wanted to speak to me
again. That’s her right and I understand that. I missed the mark. I was wrong.
I even said so. What did she want? On the other hand, it was a lesson I had to
learn. She also blocked me which I understand. However, she logged on under her
mother’s account to start shit telling me I was messed up in the head. WHAT!
Then she accused me of flashing her whatever he is at the moment my panties
which did not happen. If anything, he was checking me out. There were people
around me telling me she was only reappearing in my life because things were
happening for me. Looks like I dodged the bullet of a metaphorical sense and a
physical sense because love triangles always end that way. Plus she couldn’t take
a joke.
Virgos are weird people in my experience. There are some
Virgos I love. My baby sister is a Virgo. Precise and on the point as well as
timely and on schedule, she will make a good doctor someday. Hardworking she is
in the emergency room every day working to learn and to improve. Dr. Sco is
what I call her.
Then there is my boss Jon Shipley the basis for Bruce in my
book. He is smart, hardworking, dedicated, a neatfreak, and drinks his coffee
with two percent milk. Not to mention he is a certified meditation instructor.
Let’s not forget my Aunt Diane who is a smart lady, a
hardworker, funny, easy to talk to, and one of the few women I know who’s
actually good with tools. She’s a Republican and it’s fun to argue about
politics with her because neither one of us takes it personally.
Then of course there is my cousin and her daughter Jaclyn,
born on the cusp on Virgo and Libra. She too is smart, hard working, and
although quiet sometimes actually has quite the sense of humor.
Oh and then there’s my Aunt Ruth, my mom’s youngest sister
and Godchild who is the caretaker of my grandparents and Ren Faire regular.
I have to mention Holland from kickboxing, with her cute
little videos
Nikki Sunshine and Sandra Valls, who both were my friends
during one of the roughest times in my life and didn’t turn their backs on me
when so many did.
John Powers, who even though I have only met you on the
internet you crack me up because you have that Virgo say what’s on your mind
thing.
Oh and my friend James from up the street who loves the
Yankees, works at the funeral home and purchase two of my books.
David Herman, well what’s not to love about the fact you
just make my heart melt.
Michael Alsondo, the celebrity hairdresser who kidnapped me,
gave me a makeover, and put my head back on right. You made me turn in a good
direction when I was quite lost.
However, there are some Virgos in my life that are well….eh.
There is Trouble, the flat chested bitch who was
instrumental in my breakup with my last boyfriend. Lying and conniving, she
claimed to be raped several times in order to get men around her to beat a
stranger up. She also fabricated stories of childhood sexual abuse, none which
were substantiated, in order to get men to do her favors and give her money.
She tried to ruin a weekend with my ex and I by injuring her already sick dog
so that he would have to drive the mutt to an animal hospital. When she wasn’t doing
that she was instigating conversations that would lead to fights. It’s good
time has made her ugly, after all, she’s just a reflection of herself.
Behind her is Wench. This woman is a wannabe comedian who
actually stole a joke of mine when I was in the room. Armed with a drinking and
lying problem, this woman claims to have been sexually abused by her father in
one sentence. In the next sentence, she denies this claim and yells at you for
even going there. She also claims to have been raised in the projects when
really her father was a doctor. She uses these stories to illicit sympathy as
well as spots from bookers. I hate her.
Then there is Kindred Spirit, the washed up would be star
who took me out to dinner and rolled out the red carpet. He posed as the
perfect guy when his real goal was to use me to revive his dead comedy career.
I don’t know what makes me angrier, the fact that he pretended to be into me or
the fact that he wouldn’t have taken me out if he didn’t think I could do
something for him. Virgos are willing to do anything to succeed. With that I hope
he finds the woman who can revive his career elsewhere. Even if he does he is
something called marginally talented, washed up, and classified as best days
are behind him.
Ralph the Jerk that Didn’t Want to Work was also born under
this star sign. He’s my Godmother’s ex-fiance who had nothing going for him. He
didn’t want to work and was willing to fake any illness he had to in order to
mooch off my auntie. Armed and dangerous with charm, flowers, a toupee, and
glue on chest hair, gold chains, and flowers he swept my aunt off her feet.
However he was engaged to two women at the same time and chose the exotic
dancer with kids because she was a bigger sucker. Go to hell Ralph! Get hit by
a tractor trailer.
Last but not least is Holden Caulfield. While I don’t hate
him, actually part of me will always love him, I know this is bad for me.
Between the unmedicated bi-polar, the drug problem, and the three warrants that
include one felony this wasn’t going to end well. He has two children, neither
one which he is capable of supporting. Last time I checked up on him he is back
with his mom and one of his kids headed to rehab. I wish him the best. Maybe he
can get well, get back off his meds, and stop mooching off of women who try to
rob him.
That’s all I got people.
Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I
Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
877-buy-book
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