Tuesday, July 31, 2012


There are some things I know for sure. Here are a list of things I know to be true. If you can think of any you are more than welcome to add them.

Yes, these things are in fact true.

1.       If a guy takes you on a coffee date, he will probably still expect sex afterward.

2.       People who tattoo their children’s names on their arms never pay child support.

3.       The only reason people care about Lindsay Lohan is because she can overdose, crash her car, and never mess up her hair.

4.       When penning your list of names, it’s a bad idea to go to the movie theatre afterward.

5.       Big tits plus poppy beat equals one hit wonder.

6.       When a music group makes their own movie it is the kiss of death for their career

7.       Whenever someone is named the next (insert name of big star) it means they are going to have the career of a sparkler, burning bright and fading fast eventually to be trashed and forgotten.

8.       A person who is a bigot, a racist, a homophobe, and woman hater will bail themselves out by saying, “As a Christian….”

9.       When people who were a lot of fun as drunks, drug users, hos/womanizers find Jesus they are annoying as shit.

10.   A man likes an attractive, well-educated woman until she speaks.

11.   Male comedians are underemployed freeloaders who are every mother’s nightmare, but they make you laugh so you let them live rent free.

12.   Rappers are charming as hell, that’s why they have so many illegitimate children.

13.   Thank God Playboy models have their looks, because if they had to rely on their brains they will be dead. Eventually, their looks fade and they have to rely on their brains. That’s why they die young.

14.   Family can either be the lovely people you would do anything for, or the morons you are forced to rescue because they put the hole in their own life raft again.

15.   People who usually cry racist are white people with no black friends.

16.   Women will never take over the world. We are too busy killing each other to overthrow men.

17.   A bully is someone who needs their ass kicked.

18.   The meaner the old person the more likely it is that they will live to one hundred./

19.   Comedians diss other comics like Dane Cooke saying whatever. However he does things like own a bed and make money which is more than I can say for ninety five percent of people who perform standup.

20.   Men are happy for a successful woman until she eclipses them.

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