I heard Joel Osteen closed the doors of his megachurch to flood victims and am not surprised. Shit costs money. They can't have poor black people dirtying the carpet. Their mansion is expensive to keep and Pastor Osteen needs the fees he gets from his speaking engagements. Victoria Osteen, who looks like she would be as pleasant as a herpes lesion, has had oodles of plastic surgery and we know those doctors don't come cheap. She would welcome you to a women's Bible study until you disagreed with her, and then you aren't part of the sorority.
I went to a women's Bible study for a hot minute in college. It was something I was roped into. The woman heading it was about as pleasant as Victoria Osteen, except Mrs. Osteen was easier on the eyes because of all the work she has had done. I was less than impressed with her, her attitude, and saw how she turned on me when I disagreed with her about a Bible passage.
Joel Osteen got my father hooked for a minute and my dad is not one to pay and pray. But Osteen had a good, mainline message. He wasn't too crazy unlike the toxic Pat Robertson who are simply manipulative predators using the cloak of religion to fund their greed. My dad even thought it was amazing that Joel Osteen told women to wear lingerie to please their husbands. I found this terribly ironic because Pastor Osteen strikes me as someone who's farther back into the closet than a pair of shoes I lost three years ago that is somehow parked there collecting cobwebs. But eventually my dad grew out of it. I think he had the shingles. Let's blame temporary insanity.
It made me miss Tammy Faye. She would have helped the flood victims in her own way, even if it was flooding her makeup job with the tears she always cried. Tammy Faye had a good heart. And today, she is immortalized by drag queens everywhere.
I have seen the damage megachurches can do first hand. They are seldom about their flock and more about the greed that keeps a pastor like Osteen rich and keeps their operation going. The worst part is, the people pray for answers and these charlatans prey on them to further their own gain.
In my area, we had a Christian movement for young people called Campus Life. Much like the Hitler youth, kids were encouraged to recruit their friends and even distance themselves from their parents if their parents dissented. Their leader trolled our cafeteria looking for fresh blood. Later he was expelled when we got a new principal who was fairly creeped out by the fact he had a Jerry Sandusky like appreciation for young people. Our then principal's suspicion was right when this fellow was arrested as a pedophile.
Other teachers had Bible studies in their classrooms during lunch period. The zealots went, but the rest of us were weirded out. It made a good number of us uncomfortable but no one stopped it. This was a clear violation of separation of church and state, but no one told for fear of the wrath of these evangelicals.
These followers of Jesus talked about how finding God helped people. Meanwhile I saw kids I knew who got knee deep into this dump their friends and distance themselves from people who cared because their so called youth group leader told them to do so. I saw kids who didn't gender conform get sent to conversion therapy. Others who's parents forced them into this nonsense made them go on awkward mission trips to countries that weren't Christian, condescendingly telling the natives about the word of God. It was awful.
But nothing was more awful than tithing. You had to give a third of your annual salary to the church or else you were out. Meanwhile Jesus was about helping that poor, that is, until his temple needed a new auditorium and big screen TVs for worship. Jesus was about the poor until the pastor needed a new Mercedes. Jesus was about the poor until the pastor's mistress needed her own apartment. Jesus was about the poor but that was so 30 AD. You get what I am saying.
I had two friends who went and left. The father had lost his job and the family was desperate, but the mother didn't want to be cast out of the cult. So she dipped into the family's savings to tithe. Because they had lost the much needed income of the father, this left them in dire straits. The church was not there when the family didn't have winter coats for their children let alone needed to declare bankruptcy.
And then there was another friend of mine, a lost soul, pressured to date within this group of inbred zealots. She found one who actually seemed nice until she discovered he had a double life as a Peeping Tom. My friend was aghast, appalled, and frightened. She went to her pastor for assistance. He told her to pray on it, and it was her duty as a Christian woman to stand by her man. Others in the church echoed his sentiments. My friend grew a brain and left the church. They began calling her and telling her it was all her fault that she couldn't keep this man happy, and her cold attitude must have been what drove him to become a serial sex offender. Needless to say she ran out of there like she saw Godzilla.
I also knew teachers from my school who became immersed into this temple of doom. One in particular would give retests to his fellow congregants, many of these undeserved. There was a young woman who had a family situation and had to miss school. Instead of letting her make up the work he failed her, and then insisted she didn't graduate. She did, just in summer school. Jesus said something about visiting the sick, but guess he was out that Sunday. But if she was a member of the cult he regularly attended and tithed to, you bet your bottom dollar she would have passed without a hitch.
Lest we not forget a personal trainer who worked with my mom at her old job. He went to this Holy Roller church and seemed like an awesome guy otherwise. The only time his moral superiority eeked through was when he told my mom and I he didn't speak to his sister because of her lack of morals. Needless to say, he was cool until my mom's classes did better than his. Then he sought to anonymously smear her on the internet. While your sister might lack morals, I am sure she has yet to act like an asshole on the interweb. Blast your Christian rock all you want, I think Jesus also said something about bearing false witness against your neighbor, Dick Face.
As the memories flood back, I still see Pat Robertson, the more openly sinister precursor to Osteen on my TV screen. His Vulcan ears poking up and his overeagerness to talk about the homosexual agenda. I don't know what gave me more of the creeps, the fact he made my skin crawl or the fact I knew people who called and pledged money to have their prayers answered. And why pray for God? God is free last time I checked.
As the memories flood back, I still see the kids praying at the flag pole in the morning telling God their thoughts. People with no minds of their own, they poured their spirits into the universe. At the time they freaked me out and still do. But now I realize they are the lost sheep they speak about in the Bible needing a shepherd. And in Joel Osteen and conmen like him, many sheep have found a shepherd. Unfortunately this shepherd is leading these vulnerable sheep to the wolves that will devour them alive.
In closing, faith can be a wonderful thing. There are many mainline denominations with giving pastors who truly believe in what they preach, but also welcome all people regardless of sex, race, and orientation. Just not the closed minded hate cult known as the megachurch.
So to Joel and the bitch Victoria, you know the arm candy with too many psych issues and enough plastic surgery that Michael Jackson had more human skin in comparison, have a great life. Keep smiling with those big, fake teeth. Stay comfy in your mansion during Hurricane Harvey away from the poor people seeking shelter. Because in the words of Frederick Douglas on twitter, "When Joel Osteen get to heaven, he will be very confused when you see all those flames."
April Unwrapped: My Naked Dreams Revealed
I went to a women's Bible study for a hot minute in college. It was something I was roped into. The woman heading it was about as pleasant as Victoria Osteen, except Mrs. Osteen was easier on the eyes because of all the work she has had done. I was less than impressed with her, her attitude, and saw how she turned on me when I disagreed with her about a Bible passage.
Joel Osteen got my father hooked for a minute and my dad is not one to pay and pray. But Osteen had a good, mainline message. He wasn't too crazy unlike the toxic Pat Robertson who are simply manipulative predators using the cloak of religion to fund their greed. My dad even thought it was amazing that Joel Osteen told women to wear lingerie to please their husbands. I found this terribly ironic because Pastor Osteen strikes me as someone who's farther back into the closet than a pair of shoes I lost three years ago that is somehow parked there collecting cobwebs. But eventually my dad grew out of it. I think he had the shingles. Let's blame temporary insanity.
It made me miss Tammy Faye. She would have helped the flood victims in her own way, even if it was flooding her makeup job with the tears she always cried. Tammy Faye had a good heart. And today, she is immortalized by drag queens everywhere.
 |
| Let that shit spray like Tammy Faye |
I have seen the damage megachurches can do first hand. They are seldom about their flock and more about the greed that keeps a pastor like Osteen rich and keeps their operation going. The worst part is, the people pray for answers and these charlatans prey on them to further their own gain.
In my area, we had a Christian movement for young people called Campus Life. Much like the Hitler youth, kids were encouraged to recruit their friends and even distance themselves from their parents if their parents dissented. Their leader trolled our cafeteria looking for fresh blood. Later he was expelled when we got a new principal who was fairly creeped out by the fact he had a Jerry Sandusky like appreciation for young people. Our then principal's suspicion was right when this fellow was arrested as a pedophile.
Other teachers had Bible studies in their classrooms during lunch period. The zealots went, but the rest of us were weirded out. It made a good number of us uncomfortable but no one stopped it. This was a clear violation of separation of church and state, but no one told for fear of the wrath of these evangelicals.
These followers of Jesus talked about how finding God helped people. Meanwhile I saw kids I knew who got knee deep into this dump their friends and distance themselves from people who cared because their so called youth group leader told them to do so. I saw kids who didn't gender conform get sent to conversion therapy. Others who's parents forced them into this nonsense made them go on awkward mission trips to countries that weren't Christian, condescendingly telling the natives about the word of God. It was awful.
But nothing was more awful than tithing. You had to give a third of your annual salary to the church or else you were out. Meanwhile Jesus was about helping that poor, that is, until his temple needed a new auditorium and big screen TVs for worship. Jesus was about the poor until the pastor needed a new Mercedes. Jesus was about the poor until the pastor's mistress needed her own apartment. Jesus was about the poor but that was so 30 AD. You get what I am saying.
I had two friends who went and left. The father had lost his job and the family was desperate, but the mother didn't want to be cast out of the cult. So she dipped into the family's savings to tithe. Because they had lost the much needed income of the father, this left them in dire straits. The church was not there when the family didn't have winter coats for their children let alone needed to declare bankruptcy.
And then there was another friend of mine, a lost soul, pressured to date within this group of inbred zealots. She found one who actually seemed nice until she discovered he had a double life as a Peeping Tom. My friend was aghast, appalled, and frightened. She went to her pastor for assistance. He told her to pray on it, and it was her duty as a Christian woman to stand by her man. Others in the church echoed his sentiments. My friend grew a brain and left the church. They began calling her and telling her it was all her fault that she couldn't keep this man happy, and her cold attitude must have been what drove him to become a serial sex offender. Needless to say she ran out of there like she saw Godzilla.
I also knew teachers from my school who became immersed into this temple of doom. One in particular would give retests to his fellow congregants, many of these undeserved. There was a young woman who had a family situation and had to miss school. Instead of letting her make up the work he failed her, and then insisted she didn't graduate. She did, just in summer school. Jesus said something about visiting the sick, but guess he was out that Sunday. But if she was a member of the cult he regularly attended and tithed to, you bet your bottom dollar she would have passed without a hitch.
Lest we not forget a personal trainer who worked with my mom at her old job. He went to this Holy Roller church and seemed like an awesome guy otherwise. The only time his moral superiority eeked through was when he told my mom and I he didn't speak to his sister because of her lack of morals. Needless to say, he was cool until my mom's classes did better than his. Then he sought to anonymously smear her on the internet. While your sister might lack morals, I am sure she has yet to act like an asshole on the interweb. Blast your Christian rock all you want, I think Jesus also said something about bearing false witness against your neighbor, Dick Face.
As the memories flood back, I still see Pat Robertson, the more openly sinister precursor to Osteen on my TV screen. His Vulcan ears poking up and his overeagerness to talk about the homosexual agenda. I don't know what gave me more of the creeps, the fact he made my skin crawl or the fact I knew people who called and pledged money to have their prayers answered. And why pray for God? God is free last time I checked.
 |
| Those Vulcan ears perk up at the sound of gay sex. |
As the memories flood back, I still see the kids praying at the flag pole in the morning telling God their thoughts. People with no minds of their own, they poured their spirits into the universe. At the time they freaked me out and still do. But now I realize they are the lost sheep they speak about in the Bible needing a shepherd. And in Joel Osteen and conmen like him, many sheep have found a shepherd. Unfortunately this shepherd is leading these vulnerable sheep to the wolves that will devour them alive.
In closing, faith can be a wonderful thing. There are many mainline denominations with giving pastors who truly believe in what they preach, but also welcome all people regardless of sex, race, and orientation. Just not the closed minded hate cult known as the megachurch.
So to Joel and the bitch Victoria, you know the arm candy with too many psych issues and enough plastic surgery that Michael Jackson had more human skin in comparison, have a great life. Keep smiling with those big, fake teeth. Stay comfy in your mansion during Hurricane Harvey away from the poor people seeking shelter. Because in the words of Frederick Douglas on twitter, "When Joel Osteen get to heaven, he will be very confused when you see all those flames."
 |
| A mansion costs money and so does this bitch's plastic surgery |
April Unwrapped: My Naked Dreams Revealed
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