Dear Regina George

Recently someone tried to pass her work off as my own. This is not my first encounter with this young woman. Here is what I had to say to her:

Dear Regina George,

I saw you plagiarized my work. Yes, as in you took my writing and tried to pass it off as your own. You must have gone to the rapper school of theft because you are as talentless at intellectual larceny as you are at penning original work.

When I saw you stole my work I was angry. Actually angry is the understatement. Writers like myself slave in obscurity and often die a pauper’s death. Often, we are under-appreciated during our lifetime. There are copyright laws designed to protect people like myself from those like you. Alas, they don’t do much. Sometimes we work for years to have our ideas put out into the world, and even then sometimes we are a mere silent scream on paper. We slave over computers, and our ideas haunt us in our sleep. Even a punctuation mark can mean the difference between strife and serenity in our lives. Not that someone like yourself would ever understand that paradox of ordinary and extraordinary pain people like myself feel. What you are doing is a crime, and people like myself, the ones with real talent, are the victims.

What you are committing aside from pure creative burglary is a murder of the soul. You rip the hearts out of people bleeding already. As you do this with no second thought you drink the blood squirting out of them and crunch on their bones. I hope you feel good about yourself. Then again, you have no heart, soul, conscience aside from no original thought.

Writers, despite our long suffering, have a sacred duty. Our words and ideas not only change the world, but help other artists to share their gifts as well. The stories we craft make it possible for the set designer to create the visual. It allows the filmmakers to put our narration on screen for the rest of the world to appreciate. Musicians then further amplify our voice by giving it rhythm and personality. Actors speak the dialogue we so painfully spent hours dreaming up, delivering our message to the masses. When you commit the ultimate sin, you don’t simply puncture my ego. No, you add to the greater problem at hand.

My gift as a writer has allowed me many opportunities. It lets me perform my words, original words, onstage. It makes me see the world for what it is. So many like yourself steal the words and thoughts of others passing them off as your own. You know why the copyright laws exist in music? Because people like yourself stole time and time again from talented songwriters who died living in the back of a car. As they were homeless they were forced to hear their music, the hit song they wrote, as they wondered how they were going to feed themselves. That is beyond criminal.

I can safely say you will never, ever measure up to me. You don’t have my talent as a writer. Maybe you could if you weren’t so busy being an evil human being with a heart so dark that not even Satan would melt you down for spare parts. I am a union actor, something you could only dream of being. I perform on the regular at venues where you could never even afford to enter. Just wanted to remind you of all the things that happen when you do the work, and all the things that could if you choose to change your ways. You won’t though. This is not my first run in with you. Rather, you are simply being who you are and I accept that.

Yeah, you are the better singer. I will admit it although your voice is bland and you probably stole some of your song lyrics like you steal everything. To say you are worthless would be apt, because you are. Please don’t call yourself an artist, those are the people who oppress most.

I hate you in part, but I don’t. Rather I pity you., I hope someday you will stop pursuing the drama off the stage/screen and the fictional story off the page. Also, perhaps someday you will tire of your negative attention seeking tactics and harmful behavior. Maybe your dreams will come true, dreams that are your own and original, for real.

While every encounter with you has drained my life blood and spirit, I realize you are a lost person. Also a troubled one. Maybe, just maybe, one day you will stop being so problematic to others but most importantly, yourself.

I apologize for calling you Regina George. Not only was she fictional, but she could also think for herself.

Peace and Love in the New Year,

April

And to those who like original things

Come see me Friday January 2

Metropolitan Room

34 W 22 st

11:45 pm

See me break a world record!!!!!