Today I ran into an old friend that I had not seen in years. The last time I had seen her she was getting ready to have her first child. She's a stepmom to her husband's older twins from a previous marriage. Whatever the story is, she seems like she adores her stepkids and life in general with her current husband who by the way gave her a nice ring. WOWSA. We caught up and she mentioned her stepson, the boy in the set of fraternal twins, had brain surgery.
I asked her what happened. She told me he is epileptic. This was one of two he had. As she spoke about it, she mentioned during dinner at the high holy days he was showing the pictures, and in the hospital he was ripping the IV out of his arm. Of course this grossed everyone else out but he is a seventeen year old boy. They love guts, gore, and too much information. Sickness and health does not change that. We laughed about how it takes men forever to grow up.
Then I thought about it. As women we talk about our feelings and tend to over emotionalize everything and everyone. Men, they don't. They stuff them down until they think they will go away, and unfortunately they don't. Or better yet, they laugh about it. In that way, men are beyond women because they don't take themselves let alone anything that easily. So yes, the showing of the gross pictures and the ripping the IV and running around the hospital with his friends was this young man's way of coping.
My birthday is tomorrow. It seems like my years have flown by. Is life what I want it to be? Yes and no. I have fulfilled some of the things on my bucket list. In other respects, I am not where I thought I would be. This point in my life looks different than I thought it would. Not better, not worse, but different. I was hit with a weird depression. I have nothing to complain about really. Some of it is fear. I have been in this place before in my life where things were moving forward and all of a sudden the wheels stalled. I am so scared of going to that place again.
Someone I ran into recently, a fellow actress and writer, mentioned that instead of fear one should transform those feelings into excitement. Maybe it is the aches and pains I have been feeling lately. My gym time has been thrown off because of my physical ailments. Oye vey. The thing about pain is it makes you depressed. Then I am doing some cool things with my writing and more on that later. Still in the never ending process of releasing the audiobook. My musical is coming along. Got scouted for an exciting project and have others. Things are hippedy hopping.
On my way back from a telegram delivery I saw someone from my past who used to be rather supportive of me. Instead of saying hello he turned as not to speak to me, giving me the big diss. I didn't understand it. He used to be really supportive. Had I said something to him? Just then it occurred to me. He was nice to me because he didn't view me as a threat. All of a sudden I am on TV, writing books and blah de blah. A friend once explained that I shouldn't take that crap personally. My success would not be easy for everyone. That is when I gave myself a pat on the back. His idiot action meant I was doing something right.
So, he, not I needs brain surgery.
I am not afraid. This next year of my life I will be excited. I should be proud. Every once in a while our minds need to be cut up whether it's physically or metaphorically.
Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com
No comments:
Post a Comment