10. Comedians are cliquish. There are the club folks, the
alt folks, the Jersey folks, the folks who want to be like other folks. Some of
them will like you, some of them wont. Its more a reflection on them and their
lack of talent than it is on you.
9. For the Women: Men have the upper hand. Get used to it.
You will have to fight harder and bookers and club owners will feel it is okay
to try to feel you up and pressure you for sex. While it’s up to you, don’t be
surprised when it happens. And don’t complain. This is not like other jobs
where you can sue for sexual harassment.
8. Everyone has a drinking or drug problem or is in recovery
from a drinking or drug problem. Everyone has had a rough childhood or has a
chip on their shoulder. When someone gives you an unusual response, remember
that this is after all the broken toy store. Perhaps they didn’t get their
usual AA meeting.
7. When they say they want someone different, out of the
box, and original, they are lying to you especially if you are a woman. Club
owners want someone safe. Being boring gets you passed faster. However, those
people will only do the same shitty club whereas the original thinker will
eventually become the superstar.
6. I was fired from one club after getting them a shitload
of air time. I was basically black balled from another for cussing them out.
Bottom line, don’t be afraid to burn bridges. Don’t be afraid to make enemies.
The people who are supposed to help you will, but the people who aren’t in your
court will never be in your court.
5. It’s okay to be a fame whore. Fame whores make it. The
purists never do more than the Walmart of Comedy. Plus they sit around all day
arguing over what makes a joke and what doesn’t. If an opportunity arises to
get on TV, do it. As Billy Gardell said, when he defended me on the radio, “You
need to take your breaks where you can-end of story.”
4. Your friends will turn on your when you start to make it. Yes, if
you make it or get any success the people you once went to mics with will bad
mouth you any chance they get on the internet. They feel your success is not
justified. Meanwhile if it was them it will be perfectly justified. Just remember
comedians are not a community. They are just a bunch of dreamers who think big
and there are very few doers.
3. Making it has very little to do with being funny.
Sometimes it is being at the right place at the right time. Sometimes it is being
the right ethnicity during a right time. Whatever. But much of it has to be
with being hard working, being persistent, showing up, and most importantly not
being afraid of rejection. Oh, and write a thank you note and return a phone
call.
2. Every dog has their day. Some people get passed at clubs
without a problem. Some people get on TV and it is easy to get jealous. Here’s the
thing. Everyone’s journey is different. Some people end up as just standups,
others branch into acting, then there are those who become writers, and many
even go the talent/club management/production route. Bottom line, it is a
marathon not a sprint. Keep your eye on your own game and don’t focus on
others. The beautiful part is, if you stay in the race you someday end up
working together on projects with others who have run the race as well.
1. Don’t be afraid to do your own thing. Others all want you
to follow in their footsteps, and comedians are all followers. So don’t be
afraid to make your own videos. Don’t be afraid to start your own podcast. Don’t
be afraid to write your book. Don’t be afraid to pitch your project. Don’t be
afraid to have another creative outlet aside from the shows where everyone is
fighting to perform in front of three people. It won’t distract you from the
dying art of standup, but rather will make it richer when you perform in front
of a packed house.
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