Sunday, March 25, 2012

Just Blogging

Okay, things have been fun as of Friday. I was sitting at home in my PJs debating what to do with my day and waiting for the sing-o-gram line to ring a ding ding when Krissy Donato calls and is in town for a job interview. She lives in NJ and is one of my comedian gal pals. Anyway, we got brunch at the Galaxy and talked smack on boys and the industry. Krissy is doing a cool webshow and asked me to be a part of it. YIPEE!!!!! Anyway, it was fun just to brunch with a gal pal. The thing is, I am friends with gay men. And while they invented brunch every once in a while it is fun to gossip with someone who is of the same gender. Anyway, we did that and we are working together.

Did I mention I am so excited!!!!!!!

Anyway, Saturday I had to buy a jump rope for a sing--o-gram this week. But before that I found myself brunching with Genevieve Joy. Yesterday was her birthday party and we just talked smack about guys we dated. She told me all about Boat Man, a guy who she is in love with that lives on a boat. Boat Man, being someone despite his constant motion has little direction, forgot her birthday. I urged her to find a man with an address.

Then again, I had boy woes of my own. This week I had to block Holden Caulfield online. A few months ago he got a piece of my heart and I have never gotten it back. He called me this past week, apparently he and his hos had seen me on TV. I thought we could be friends again, start from a more honest place. That's when he called me to tell me he still loved me. Holden is not doing well. He is drinking all the time and admits to being a gigolo of sorts. The convo on a whole upset me. While part of me does want him back in my life, I know he is very sick. Part of me just wants to get on a plane and rescue him. The other part of me knows to let him go. A lot of people don't know how sick he is, that he is bi-polar and refuses to take his psych meds, self-medicating through drugs and alcohol. But the day after the convo picture after picture of him kissing skanky drunken chick goes up. I cry, I get jealous, I even post about seeing Kindred Spirit so he will see it.

And then I figure fuck this sick drug addict shit. He wants me to message him and rescue him. That's when I blocked Holden. I know deep down, aside from "using my cock to get around" as he says, I know he has a good heart. I know because I have seen it. I know he could have been a good boyfriend if he had taken care of himself, because I remember what a good friend he was. But it's a different sort of heart break. One where people call him loser, dead beat, drunk, when really the words are addict and sick. Anyway, but I had to let him go which was like getting my heart ripped out. To make matters worse he called Saturday. But no more about him. It's just making me sad.

Oh and I had not heard from Kindred Spirit. While I had liked him, he was starting to get too close, know too much. Plus in a way he had been a rebound from Holden Caulfield, the one who really stole a piece of my heart. The one who called me all the time with the greeting, "Hey Beautiful." The one who had gotten to me and despite my resistance melted a heart that is a perpetual ice box.

Genevieve and I both talked Kindred Spirit and we agreed it was best to just let it fade out. The whole thing was sort of happening out of the blue, and it worked out perfectly because it got me to stop crying over Holden. Meanwhile, we just have to get her over Boat Man.

So Genevieve and I talked boys, her party, and other things. I went to get my jump rope. She went to get a mani/pedi for her party. It was going to be a good night I figured.

Anyho, I went to purchase a jump rope and walked past a bunch of dogwood trees. It reminded me of going to Kew Gardens to visit my ex the lawyer. Yes, I dated a lawyer and it ended badly. Then again, all my relationships from my engagement on down end badly. But with the lawyer, for as much as he did tend to lie, I also treated him badly. I called him names and put him down when he was even remotely nice to me. But that spring felt so hopeful I remember. That whole relationship felt so memorable. It was picnics in the park, fancy dinners, a guy who hadn't done an extended bid in lock up. As I walked I could feel him saying, "My current girlfriend, nice girl. April on the other hand, crazy bitch."

Did I mention I am not easy to be with? As the rain clouds moved in I felt the mood dampen.

I ducked into Shakespeare and Co and delved into Patti LuPone's autobio. I never knew much about her but I like the woman. She is a lot like me: cute, fun and always in trouble. There is something about us that bonds us. It gave me hope that I would reach my goals.

Well I get to Genevieve's party and they double booked the room with some horrid acoustic show. The bar is packed with hipster type guys. Poor Genevieve is near tears. Because of the stupidity of the booker it looks as if my friends party is ruined. To top it off, the bouncer puts his hands on me to get me to move which does not make me happy. I think this was his excuse as a black man to touch an unsuspecting white woman. While it sounds racist and probably is to some extent I have had it happen to me before. With my friend melting down on the sidewalk I was in no mood. So I turned around and started yelling at the bully who denied his behavior. More than anything in the world it is an excuse to push a woman around and I don't stand for that. If I wanted a guy to hit me I would call my ex fiance. With my career taking off I am sure he would be happy return.

Anyway, after having it out with this asshole the manager of the place strikes a deal. They have a sister bar they send us to. We get there and there I am in my Wide Open Cap, the one I earned as a result of hosting for Ion TV. Yes, that was the day Jenny Kropp, gold medalist for the women's beach volleyball team, took a fan photo with May Wilson and myself. I don't know which was more flattering, to be recognized from being on TV or to have someone so amazing as a fan. Needless to say, Jenny is amazing and I was extremely humbled. And I always think of that experience when I wear that cap.

Well anyway, bouncer number 2 is no better. He is thirty five and this is it for him. I must have "Easy Woman Target" tattooed on my forehead. He starts bullying me and another guy in the party about our hats. Genevieve points out that management for the other bar screwed up so therefore we should be able to wear our hats. I say that either way I am spending money in the place so what does it matter if I wear a hat or not. I fight with a minute or two with the bouncer before I realize I am not going to win. I almost want to put the hat on in a protest of Civil Disobedience. But I realize it's Genevieve's party, not April's night, and I dont want to selfishly ruin this for my friend. So I take my hat off.

We get inside. They give us free booze as promised. Immediately the guests start to arrive. Suddenly the whole night is turning around for Genevieve which makes me happy. I am talking to her friends, having a good time, and just getting to know these people. Plus some other comedians arrive. One of Genevieve's friend's D remembers I have a puppet and has me get out my puppet. So Sunny comes out and makes his debut and we sort of start performing for people. Genevieve's Mom's boyfriend takes a liking to Sunny. He is taking Sunny and myself around, introducing us to people. Now the night is much different. It is rocking.I even end up performing for Sam Jones, award winning solo performer and director of Genevieve's show, and her friends. The night is becoming McAwesome.

I chit chat with one of Gen's friends and it is revealed we both know my old, crazy roommate from college. Gen's friend had done study abroad in Paris with this insane lass who told everyone she went to an eating disorder hospital more as a vacation and less because she actually needed treatment. We exchanged stories on this special one of God's creatures and sort of bonded over the fact that we knew the same cat shit crazy woman. I figured from here the night could only go up.

And it did. It was MCAWESOME!

Then as the night wears on the dancing begins. I end up dancing with Alan who tells me he knows Genevieve since she has been little and that he has a lot of money. A lot of money, that is like music to my ears. Holden Caulfield, because he was not taking his meds, claimed he made a lot of money when really he couldn't pay his phone bill. Alan isn't sexy but the "cha-ching" of the cash machine and his name on my mac card is. I pry him for info on his finances but then he changes his tune asking why it matters. I just want to tell him it's not cause he has looks. Finally the truth comes out. Alan does not have any money and has just crashed Genevieve's party. Then when I am talking to Gen's Mom he comes over and I tell him to talk to the hand.

After that I end up dancing with Nico from a group of Bensonhurst boys who are wearing gold chains, look good, but for the most part are pretty stupid. Nico tells me I am beautiful and gives me a kiss. He is sooooo cutteeeee and so young, only twenty one. But it's not the end of the world. At least he isn't on the run from the law, and besides we are just dancing. Nico then runs to the bathroom and I end up dancing with some dude who is just wanting to touch me in the no no regions. I move away from him and chit chat with Gen about the party. She's happy which makes me happy.

Then I dance with Dan Naturman for a spell. In between that I am getting the eye from some good looking number who is there with his girlfriend. The good looking number is eyeing me up while his girlfriend looks like she wants to throw a martini in my face. Out of respect for the her, I didnt ask him to dance. Plus I have a feeling the stud muffin has a wandering eye.

I needed another break and saw Kindred Spirit had texted me. He apologized saying that he had been busy and travelling and didnt have a moment to himself. I figured this was lying man speak for he had gotten a better offer that had fallen through. So I texted him back and told him our meetup was just fun, to stop stressing and to stop flattering himself because it's not like I was by the phone waiting. And I really wasn't. I didnt care. I knew this was also the male ego bruised that I was not chasing after his masculine sexiness willing to be his love slave and therefore he had to make an excuse for the fact I, April Brucker, liberated woman, have a life. So he gave some excuse about how he likes talking to me blah blah blah. I give him the whatever and sarcastically he says nice talking to you too. I am like WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's when I go talk to the nicer, cuter bouncer and start flirting with him. Gosh he is so hot and his name is Marco the Hottie. Okay, that is just what I am calling him. Anyway, we are just macking it and giggling. I tell him about the face off I had earlier that night with the bouncer downstairs and he tells me that the no hat rule is a rule and that he and the bouncer downstairs are friends and the bouncer downstairs is a good dude. I was like okay. I mack on him some more before he has to step away and actually do his job.

I go and dance some more with this group of black girls. I am having a great time at this party? Did I mention that? Anyway, it is getting late and as someone who is not a drinker it is best I turn into a pumpkin at a certain point.

So I walk home in the rain where everyone and their mother wants a cab. I finally get one. During my walk home I find myself thinking about life and if I will get where I want to go. Oh I hope so. I also feel guilty. What if there was the margin of error that Kindred Spirit was being half honest? Not that I cared. I just told him off. But then I realized I told him off because I was afraid of getting hurt and just wanted the sadistic satisfaction of rejecting him first.Then I felt guilty. But then I was like, "Oh well. He's another one who's going to be bad mouthing me."

But at this point I am used to men, traitorous beings, bad mouthing me after it is all said and done. Men are sore losers when they don't get their way, especially with women.

Well this morning I felt bad, because I had gone on Kindred Spirit's fb page last night and saw he was telling the truth. I mean, straight man plus truth can be a rare combo but here was the exception. So I sent him a text telling him I could be a mega bitch and apologized. He accepted and told me he looked forward to talking/seeing me again.If it happens great. If not there are always the Nico's, Marco's and perhaps even Alan if he truly has money.

Anyway, talked to the rent this morning and then church. Now time to shower and meet Rena for coffee. Love, April

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