Friday, September 20, 2013

Wanna Go Back (Eddie Money)

Peggy Sue Got Married never gets old. I never saw it the whole way through until 2010. That is, until I was cleaning my house for the TLC crew to come film me and my babies. It was a weird point in my life. I had just buried a friend, Chacho, who regrettably lost his battle with addiction. I had a roommate who was like a sister leave me. Suddenly I felt all alone without my live in big sister figure. When I saw that movie, I cried. Not because it's not wonderful, it is, but because we always think. What if.....

Recently, I got a lovely fan letter from a former classmate of mine. He told me how proud he was that I had written a book, and that I was showing all those people who used to make fun of me in high school. For as much time has elapsed since high school ended, sometimes it still hurts. It's weird how the scars remain. While I am not overweight, I still feel like a fat girl. While not by any means unpopular with men, sometimes I want to crawl into a corner because one asked me out as a joke again. While I don't struggle with cystic acne anymore, I still freak when I get a blemish on my face. 

I know my baggage is not unique. Everyone has hang ups about the past. Hindsight is 20/20.

In a positive way, I am doing what I always wanted to do. I talked about being an actress in high school. I am doing it. I talked about being a talk show host. I have done that. While still not with a big network it could happen. I talked about being a comedian. Am doing that. Talked about being a ventriloquist. Oh I am so doing that. 

The crazy thing is, I went to my mall to do a few pics. The girl at the photo place had seen me on TV and felt bad about recognizing me. I told her it was okay. I grew up in the burgh. She could say hi. I actually thought it was cool to be recognized. I think that would have thrown my sixteen year old self for a loop. So would the idea of doing all the things I have done and all the places I have been. I want to go to more though.

I was asked what I would do again if I could do it again recently when a newspaper in my hometown interviewed me in regards to a book signing I was doing. I said I would have done my makeup better in high school.

I also think I would add the following:
1. I would have taken my time and not have been in such a rush.

2. I would not have taken myself so seriously.

3. I would have been more outgoing with guys in college.

4. I wouldn't have worn some of those ugly shoes

5. I wouldn't have been such a Hanson fan that I still know how to spell MMMBop.

6. I would have embraced being a strong, independent woman much sooner. 

Either way, it is about growth. As I start on this next phase, successful career woman, I can say while there are some things I didn't know then and I would do differently with what I know now. However, you can only do the best you can with what you have and the knowledge you have at your finger tips. While maybe I am not going to where I want to as fast as I want to be there, I am getting there.

 Ironically I recently met Kathleen Turner briefly. Later that day someone recognized me from a television appearance based off of my voice. In high school people used to make fun of me for the way I spoke. Guess some things do change. 

Peggy Sue Got Married still makes me cry. I didn't wear waterproof mascara. Some things never change. 

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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