Wanna Go Back (Eddie Money)

Peggy Sue Got Married never gets old. I never saw it the whole way through until 2010. That is, until I was cleaning my house for the TLC crew to come film me and my babies. It was a weird point in my life. I had just buried a friend, Chacho, who regrettably lost his battle with addiction. I had a roommate who was like a sister leave me. Suddenly I felt all alone without my live in big sister figure. When I saw that movie, I cried. Not because it's not wonderful, it is, but because we always think. What if.....

Recently, I got a lovely fan letter from a former classmate of mine. He told me how proud he was that I had written a book, and that I was showing all those people who used to make fun of me in high school. For as much time has elapsed since high school ended, sometimes it still hurts. It's weird how the scars remain. While I am not overweight, I still feel like a fat girl. While not by any means unpopular with men, sometimes I want to crawl into a corner because one asked me out as a joke again. While I don't struggle with cystic acne anymore, I still freak when I get a blemish on my face. 

I know my baggage is not unique. Everyone has hang ups about the past. Hindsight is 20/20.

In a positive way, I am doing what I always wanted to do. I talked about being an actress in high school. I am doing it. I talked about being a talk show host. I have done that. While still not with a big network it could happen. I talked about being a comedian. Am doing that. Talked about being a ventriloquist. Oh I am so doing that. 

The crazy thing is, I went to my mall to do a few pics. The girl at the photo place had seen me on TV and felt bad about recognizing me. I told her it was okay. I grew up in the burgh. She could say hi. I actually thought it was cool to be recognized. I think that would have thrown my sixteen year old self for a loop. So would the idea of doing all the things I have done and all the places I have been. I want to go to more though.

I was asked what I would do again if I could do it again recently when a newspaper in my hometown interviewed me in regards to a book signing I was doing. I said I would have done my makeup better in high school.

I also think I would add the following:

1. I would have taken my time and not have been in such a rush.

2. I would not have taken myself so seriously.

3. I would have been more outgoing with guys in college.

4. I wouldn't have worn some of those ugly shoes

5. I wouldn't have been such a Hanson fan that I still know how to spell MMMBop.

6. I would have embraced being a strong, independent woman much sooner. 

Either way, it is about growth. As I start on this next phase, successful career woman, I can say while there are some things I didn't know then and I would do differently with what I know now. However, you can only do the best you can with what you have and the knowledge you have at your finger tips. While maybe I am not going to where I want to as fast as I want to be there, I am getting there.

 Ironically I recently met Kathleen Turner briefly. Later that day someone recognized me from a television appearance based off of my voice. In high school people used to make fun of me for the way I spoke. Guess some things do change. 

Peggy Sue Got Married still makes me cry. I didn't wear waterproof mascara. Some things never change. 

Love

April

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

www.aprilbrucker.com

A Lil Moonstruck

Last night was a full moon in New York City. This can be interesting, dangerous, exciting, mystifying, and most of all glorious. It had been a strange kind of day. Woke up with aches and pains. I would have gone kickboxing except I woke up three minutes too late. I was too sore anyway. This weekend I binged in the worst way on diner food. Not to mention the weather here has been crazy. One minute it's hot, next minute it's cold, just like a woman I suppose.

I had planned on an evening in, soaking in my bath. That is when I was called to deliver a singing chicken. So I made my way downtown and called the contact. He said he was in a plaid shirt. Well another guy comes out wearing a plaid shirt and I was like," You Anthony?" He was like, "No, but Anthony was looking for you." I pointed out Anthony was in a plaid shirt. The guy explained they were gay and gay men dressed alike. While as a member of the majority I work to dispel stereotypes, sometimes when people perpetuate them it's hysterical in a way. Anyho, I got changed and they had a sparkling hat for me to wear. So I put it on. I began my routine and they shouted, "Tweark!" So I taught him how to do the birthday chicken tweark. I was awarded a generous tip and left into the night.

As I walked down the sidewalk I saw two adult men racing hot wheels cars. Nothing against those things, we owned a few ourselves. But if you didnt see their makeshift race track your foot and the hot wheel could have crashed together. When I saw this I was thinking, "Is this happening?" And it was. The only thing I could utter was, "My word!" As in, what the freak is going on?!?! Well the hot wheels racing continued as I walked down the street. I told myself the adventure was over. What more was there to come?

Well there was much more.

As I made my way down the street I saw a man with a telescope and people were lined up to look at the full moon. Apparently he usually gathered locals during events where Mercury was in retrograde and Saturn could be seen. The locals at the telescope bragged about how one could see the rings of Saturn. So we lined up and looked at the moon. Let me tell you that thing was bright. It glowed like the night light in my room as a little girl. I remember how safe I felt but when I stared at it for too long I went blind for a minute. After looking at the moon it took a minute for my eyes to adjust. I mentioned to the man it was just so bright I was still reeling. He mentioned it was normal and some people were trying to take pics but it was just one big bright blob on their cameras.

I mentioned to one of the kids in line that I felt like I was trapped in the movie Moonstruck. That is when he mentioned his buddy was obsessed with that movie. The Nicholas Cage character is hot. He is just insane. But he man can cook. Just the way I like them.

Going home I walked through Washington Square Park. The place glowed under the full moon, especially the arches. The fountain also seemed other worldy. Rather than water it looked as if it was sprouting diamonds. I remembered studying in the park, reading in the park, and heck, playing frisbee in the park.

I also remembered several years ago having a manuscript for my first book on my computer. I had just finished it. They told me they were interested in having me on a certain reality show with my puppet children. People were in and out of my apartment to interview me. Usually my cleaning binges were me vacuuming like  a mad woman and either having Moonstruck or Peggy Sue Got Married playing on my youtube as I rushed to throw my clothes in the closet and hoped the cameras wouldnt look under my bed. Did Cher have these problems? I dont know. She's got better hair than mine. That's for certain.

I also remembered growing up, bagging groceries in the supermarket. It was fall I think, and the women in the front end were all planning their evening. They were getting off work, sending their husbands out,and having a hen night because Moonstruck was on. While the rest of the world goes cray cray during a full moon. My city is somewhat special during that time. We are crazy yet we come together. Whether it is a twearking chicken in a sparkling hat, hot wheel races, or looking at the orb through a telescope. Where is Cosmo the Plumber when you need him?

I didn't find him. Instead I went home to read the first draft of my friend's salacious sex memoir she is writing. More on that later.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang:Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com