Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Unhooking The Stars

When one is young and they have a room for an infant, they install a mobile in the crib. I remember I had one when I was that age. It had moons and stars. They fascinated me so much that I would just tug at them. I pulled off the moon. Then I pulled off a few of the stars. And then one day the whole mobile came crashing down. Maybe this was foreshadowing the fact I would be so ambitious.

Or maybe sometimes it is symbolic of how something so beautiful and so perfect can be destroyed by humans.

Most recently, I had a huge falling out with a friend and co-collaborator. We were doing big things. We were writing, getting ready to film a television pilot, the wheels were turning. I ended up sort of a part of his circle of friends. He became like a brother friend, and I hadn't had one since my friend Joe who sadly passed a little over two years ago. I also really liked his fiance. I was like new friends, "YIPEE!!!"

So we started working together and it all seemed good. Out of the projects I had under my belt this was the closest I was to being on a time line. I was set. The wheels were in motion. We were booking the spaces, making the outlines, booking the guests. And then he had an announcement. He was honeymooning in Hawaii.

Granted, he was getting married. So he was unavailable to begin with sometimes. Then when he announced he was honeymooning in Hawaii it meant suddenly he was saving his money and wanted everything for free. Free and New York City aren't the same thing. I felt like I was being pushed around as at first I scouted out discount space and then when asked to split it with me he insisted I pay EVERYTHING. What was worse was that he sat back, barked orders, and then insisted I do all the work. When not done to his specifications, he would bark more orders. When I tried to make him a part of things he was busy at his spinning class. Tensions were running high. That was the understatement of the century.

Nothing with this whole thing was coming together either. As time went on, I began having anxiety attacks. The bullets on his end turned from professional to personal. I was a man hater for being a strong woman instead of the pedigreed princesses he believed all women should be. I was a Simon Legree because God forbid I make him do his share of the work. Last Thursday everything came crashing down. I got us a good deal on a space and apparently it wasn't good enough. It resulted in us cussing each other out via text. From there, he disfriended me on facebook, disfollowed me on twitter, and of course went the extra mile to subtract me as an admin from a page with mostly my followers. The falling out hurt. I won't lie. The only thing I did was demand someone do what they were supposed to do and treat me fairly. Nevermind he was so manipulative and demanding I could barely eat and lived on ginger ale

I miss having a big brother friend and the friendship we had. However, I don't miss him putting down every little idea I had and insisting I had issues with men that weren't there. Yes, all men want is sex. Most dudes can be honest. Why can't you? Plus don't you think it's a little creepy that you tell people if you weren't marrying what's her face that you would be with me?

As for his fiance, I really liked her. I thought she was a decent person. I think she was desperate to get married and have a baby. Her plans would have thrown us off course if she had gotten knocked up. I think she settled and could do so much better. But on the flipside, I don't know how good of friends we could have been. She has been planning her wedding since she was five and expects the dude to pay when he takes her to dinner. I am on the other side of the spectrum. I don't need a guy and I don't care. Actually, I spend most of my time making fun of women like that.

Overall, I think I will be fine. I have some other neat projects. One being a musical. Two others being awesome. And the third being my audiobook which should be up by next week.

I guess the loss of a friendship hurts. But being worked to death and used hurts much more. I am glad things didn't go forward. It could have only ended badly, and we would have spent a lot of money. There is a part of me that says he can enjoy knowing that everytime we went out, people always recognized me from television. There is another part of me that feels maybe I could have done things differently. But there is a third part of me that may never know.

Either way in the end it was a collision of instincts and knowing that sometimes a dreamer and a doer cannot play together that was the lesson of the day.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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