Sunday, February 14, 2016

Open Letter To Peyton Manning

Dear Peyton Manning,

I want to start by saying I was once a fan. As a young woman, I watched you play at Tennessee and was always impressed with your character and what I perceived to be class. Now I believe you were pandering for the American audience and the camera. I read what you did to Dr. Naughright and I can say I know she is telling the truth. You, Sir, are a Class A creep and utter moron.

While there are women who target professional athletes, Dr. Naughright has a record of not only being good at what she does, but accomplished. Others have said this doesn't matter but it does. For years she endured abuse from not only you, but other male athletes at University of Tennessee. Oh, and what was worse was that it seems her bosses encouraged it.

As I said for many years I was a fan. Through the Heisman community I heard nothing but good about your family. It was hard for me to digest at first. As a matter of fact my baby sister, an ER doctor, won the Wendy's High School Heisman. Yes, just like Jamie Naughright she's a doctor. I know it's hard for you to fathom that women aren't just designed to please your sexual needs.

Honestly, maybe it was a stupid asinine prank at it's worst. Maybe you did mean to moon your fellow moron and it went terribly awry. Maybe you did mean to teach her a lesson, because after all, she was an uptight bitch harshing your mellow and a Manning man cannot have that. Maybe she was a "cunt bumper" as your coaches called her and other women in the athletic department, and in your good old boy culture "dykes" aren't tolerated, so maybe you did a childish, homophobic thing. Maybe you didn't believe women belonged in your locker room and just wanted to be a jerkoff because you were young and weren't thinking. Maybe you were a super spoiled, rich, arrogant asshole who never had to work for a damn thing in his life and you felt that as star quarterback we were all your surfs as you were lord of the manor. Or maybe you were so inconsiderate that you didn't understand that your behavior could cause discomfort and ultimate harm to someone just doing her job. But why would you?

Let's say you are as stupid is as stupid does, and you didn't mean to hurt her. Why not apologize? Why not admit you did a dickface thing, no pun intended. Why not just let this woman have her job and her dignity? Why not learn so you don't continue to be a bully in the future? No, that would be too easy.

Instead you took the asshole, low road. You proceeded to slander Dr. Naughright. Yes, I called her Dr. Naughright. I know to you women are just being there to serve you and suck your dick but Mr. Manning, Sir, they get advanced degrees now and become accomplished professionals in a variety of fields. One is even a presidential candidate.

In any event, you said she used "vulgar language" and that offended you. Mind you, your private area in her face offended her but why should she matter? A woman's place is in the kitchen. Then you even claimed she was dating and having sex with black athletes. You did this to make her look like trashy. Sir, you and your father Archie-whom up to this point I believed to be a man of honor as well-did some serious victim blaming. I am going to call bullshit where it is.

Now I wish I could say it ended there but it didn't. You proceeded to reenact the incident with your boy's club anytime Dr. Naughright was present, and you even knocked something out of her hand once or twice in order to cause further intimidation. Of course this was after she stood up for herself and complained. She had no right to do that. This is your planet. Women folk just live on it.

The athletic director insisted and said you were mooning a friend and it went wrong. Everyone else called bullshit on you. One young man who would not lie to protect you lost his athletic scholarship because he didn't want to protect the white prince who could throw a football. Maybe he didn't have your talent but he knew to do the right thing, and that says more for him than it could ever for any of the stupid rings you have on your finger that could easily be pawned by some burglar. Others under oath spoke about Dr. Naughright's character and professionalism, and asserted that you were in fact an ass clown, creep, and dickface.

The jury of course rendered their verdict because Tennessee is a state where they make up the law as they go, university system included. Jamie Naughright, despite 10 years of hard work to build her name, was torn down by you and chauvinism. She got a sizeable settlement and left. Mind you money couldn't take back the years of sexism and torment she had to endure to get where she needed to go with her career, and the headway she achieved before you came and took it away. If money could buy class we would all have it. You of course should know.

When Dr. Naughright left, she was encouraged to say a black athlete did the damage. Not only was that a lie, but in a system where women were treated as chattel it appears they had not received the news of the 13, 14, and 15 Amendments being passed. Translated, black athletes are whole people and it is not only amoral but illegal to accuse them of sexual assaults against white women that they did not perpetrate. Then again, he was 3/5 of a person according to anyone's logic here so it's all good.

As if that wasn't enough, you and Daddy Dearest proceeded to slander Dr. Naughright in print long after you had settled. You wrote, or rather paid some poor soul who just wanted a writing job to ghost write your book, because as a spoiled athlete who only went to college for football you probably never once attended class. You also sent her a threatening package and got her demoted from the job she had for years after the fact. Then again, you are a man and you just had to put this woman in her place one last time.

I know your mother was a mere Homecoming Queen at Ole Miss, and while I cannot speak for her character I know perhaps she pandered to her father and her sons and this is why you turned out to be the selfish monster you are. Unfortunately, as someone who has survived domestic violence and has written extensively about it, my belief is that the pattern for people like you starts with a weak willed maternal figure. And men like you cannot deal with a woman in authority or a woman that opposes you. It appears Dr. Naughright did both.

As a man in sports you have had everything handed to you and are ignorant of the plight of people such as Dr. Naughright. My mother was captain of her Division I swim team in college. A true and original Title IX crusader, she led a sit in so she and her college teammates could have letter jackets commemorating their winning season. For the men's team, this was never a dispute. My mother went on to have not only a successful career as an athlete but as a coach. She took a lot of heat from knuckle dragging, mouth breathing, entitled, idiots like yourself. Because of this, she helped pave the way for women like Dr. Naughright. However, this means nothing to someone like yourself who never had the pleasure and pain of having to fight for what he has.

Luckily not all male football players share your stone aged view on gender. My brother was also a football star in high school and in college at Brown University. Playing on the defensive line, he took a lot of hits and was injured quite a bit. Never once in his athletic career did he think let alone entertain the thought of making a female trainer sexually uncomfortable. Not only are you a pig, but you are a disgrace to any decent man who has ever played the game or football in any capacity.

I have been on the other side of cretin scum like yourself, men who think women like myself are designed just for their needs. Men who cannot stand having a woman with a backbone. As a young woman, I had many guy friends and believed feminism to be an outdated cause and sexism dead. When I got knee deep into comedy I realized how wrong I was. Sexism is alive and well, and men like you keep breathing new life into it.

During my career, where I have done nothing but work hard and sacrifice in order to get to the next level, I have been accused by male headliners of doing various sexual favors. Why would a woman ever work hard? Then there was the time this male booker, a washed up comedian like you are a washed up quarterback, bombed onstage. Afterwards, he cornered me, pinned me against the wall, and reached his hands down my pants. So I punched him and ran out of the club.

He didn't think it was so funny I guess because he called me a bitch, but it was funnier than anything he said on stage all evening. Guess I'm not gonna be booked there anytime soon. After hitting the street, I took a turn and knew not where I was. I was too dazed to cry, and too confused and shocked as a result of my ordeal to know I wandered into a bad neighborhood. Luckily I was rescued by someone who saw me walking and took me to a safe train.

As you can see I have a vulgar mouth. And I even, gasp, dated a black guy. Apparently, according to the standards of Peyton and Archie Manning, I was deserving of this unwanted sexual contact.

Of course you don't get it. Your whole career has been handed to you and you have never had a hard day in your life. Lucky your throwing arm was always good. Because you are an inbred, stupid, not to mention ugly mutherfucker. You make millions of dollars. And let me tell you, that is probably the only reason your wife sleeps with you. With absolute certainty, I can ascertain that you are stale as a conversationalist, a controlling husband, and suck in the sack. No one else would be with you if you didn't have that financial perk, trust me. Otherwise, you would be dragging a dollar bill through the nearest trailer park or hanging out at Shony's Bar.

Let me tell you Dr. Naughright handled this better than I would have. She went the dignified way, the way one goes when they hope their employer will do the right thing. I have experienced sexism and the evil of the paradigm. While it is your world and my people merely exist in it, I would have ruined you in ways you never imagined. For starters, I would have told anyone who would listen about what a small, unimpressive penis you had. Then I would have called Howard Stern with details as soon as you were drafted. I would have done the same to Mancow and Opie and Anthony. And I would have even written to Playboy and xoJane. I would have made your life a living hell. I would have given you the bad day you never had. So thank your lucky stars it was Dr. Naughright and not I, dickface.

Your behavior was downright apocryphal. You are a detriment to all my wonderful male supporters. And yes, we make raunchy jokes sometimes, but no one is actually assaulted in a way that makes them uncomfortable mind you. But if you shove your manhood in my face, it must be because I put sassified pictures of myself online. Of course, shithead.

I hope and pray you have grown up and have learned to respect women as complete people, but I seriously doubt an entitled shitbag like you knows how to do that. You probably won't read this, but others will. If you do I hope it makes you uncomfortable. I hope it gives you a bad day. I think it's fair, Dr. Naughright has had plenty of those on your account.



  1. There is a lot of debate as to whether or not he made contact. If Dr. Naughright lied or embellished this fact, does it change your opinion at all?

  2. If she lied, it changes my opinion tremendously actually. Because there are so many victims who cannot be taken seriously. And when someone lies about something like this, especially to extort as women have pro athletes in the past, it makes it harder when it actually does happen.

    So if she lied or embellished, I would be quite upset with her. But given the evidence as I understand it, I don't believe that is the case.

    What is your position on the matter at hand?