Thursday, January 2, 2014

New Year's Blog

This is day two of the New Year. I should be more excited but I'm not. Instead I am drained and poised for disappointment. It's sort of a weird time of year. Christmas is over, Thank God. There is so much stress leading to the holiday. Family drama is at a maximum. I can't take it. No one can. Of course we had Christmas this year at my parents house in Pittsburgh. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful. But because we had a bunch of people-my dad is the second of seven and my mom the first of six-we spent days cooking , cleaning and decorating tirelessly. Of course I was coming off of a stressful month and a half. The fact this was the first Christmas without my mom's parents was painful. They both passed this year.

Yes, I was on what I lovingly refer to as a work bender. I kind of have some producer duties on a certain project and felt like I was kind of called to save Christmas. I also had some opportunities present themselves with my writing which were cool, as well as my comedy and ventriloquism. I hear about all these things and more in the New Year. I will find out if I sink or swim. This should be exciting but I am shaking in my boots. Actually, I am terrified if sinking. I have worked so hard and there are so many factors.

There is kind of a darkness that descends this time of year. It's because it has no personality. Christmas is over, and Valentines Day, curse it, isn't for another month. It's just cold and dreary. I have been in the sink and swim spot before. It was 2009. I remember things were coming together. I had been on national television three times. I opened for Aretha Franklin's concert. I filmed a pilot. And then it all seemed to stall. The telegrams dried up and I was paying in my pocket change. I ended up working a promo job outside a TV studio I had entered only months before. It was the soggiest, grossest, most humiliating stale piece of humble pie ever. And now I am at this crossroads again. Will I be able to cross or be detained by the boatman?

Since that time the thought of a New Year has frightened me. To top it off I got a horrific letter yesterday. It was hateful and this dude called me a bunch of names. Because he was so vile I went to block him. He had posted a KKK avatar on his page. By the way, he is Spanish which makes this funny and he said I said nasty things about Spanish people. Aside from being alarmed at some of his other pictures showing women being raped and his status updates saying hateful things about black people, I thought his KKK affiliation was ironic. When the guys who wear white robes with the Nazi symbol in the middle speak of "mud people" they mean anyone brown, Latinos included. (Note: These morons have no teeth so if you are a person of color don't take them seriously ever.)  Yes, the KKK doesn't like you if you ain't a white Protestant. His level of hate and ignorance was alarming, especially since he was the most ironic recruit ever. So basically it was okay for be to use the n word, joke about raping women, but I can't make jokes about Latinos and whites. (He used the n word several times on his page. This whole thing was bizzare). Aside from being hateful and ignorant, this was the most ironic recruit ever. But the images he had on his profile of women being assaulted and the jokes under it were disgusting and absolutely creepy. Enough to upset me so I couldn't sleep.

I tried going to sleep and had a nightmare. I dreamed that I was leaving the gym and driving-dream cause I dont drive-and was pulled over. I had a hearing in front of this judge who started out by telling me that she was a fan. And then she went on my facebook, didn't like my status update, and sentenced me to 40 years in jail. The dream was so vivid as my father was trying to petition for my appeal and I was crying. My cellmate beat me up and then I woke up. Thank God. No prison and no evil judge with a beehive hair do.

I did what I do when I always wake up from a bad dream. I looked around, made sure I was okay, and then remembered it was Thursday. Kickboxing. So I went to the gym and kicked some ironic KKK and evil beehive woman ass. To a better New Year.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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