Sunday, January 5, 2014

Bitch (Meredith Brooks)

I am not one of those girls who always dreamed of her wedding. My dream has been my writing. Heck, I am been writing since I was a little girl. Of course then after that has been my ventriloquism and comedy. Never my wedding. I never went boy crazy. I had friends who would go to the sports practice's of their boyfriends to cheer them on. Usually I had too much to do like go to my part time job, work at the public access station, write my column for the youth section, or a rehearsal of some sort. Let's not forget a performance at a nursing home or daycare center. Basically, there was no man on my mind.

When I was younger I went crazy over a guy. We all do once. I went so crazy that I got drunk, told him how I felt, and threw up. Then I sobered up and realized he wasn't all that. It's true. It's called being nineteen. The worst part is that some women continue down that road. The road of being needy and pathetic. The road that basically gives a boyfriend or husband the unwritten permission to cheat. You are smothering him!

I have dated, was even engaged at one point. Hell I have been in love twice. Still, both times it ended and it was for the best. However, as a woman who speaks out on behalf of other women sometimes I feel persecuted by my own kind. My offense, being strong. Is it my fault I don't want to be a slave to a man, depending on him for every little thing? Is it my fault that I want to have a career and don't want to be tied down with children? Is it my fault that I don't have Barbie Doll dreams?

This past summer I took the helm on several projects. One ultimately fell apart when the man I was working with decided he was going to get on the April does all the work and he gives all the orders program. Anyway, his big excuse was he was getting married. He used this to shirk out of any responsibility he had. Oh and because his now wife wanted an exotic honeymoon beyond their means, he wanted me to pay for everything too. Needless to say after a huge fight we parted ways badly. In the midst of this, as I was ranting to a female friend I told her I didnt care that he was getting married. I had a deadline. Well meaning but not helping, she said, "April, you better cool down. You sound like a bitter, unmarried woman. Actually, you sound like a bitch."

This hurt. So I asked my hairdresser friend Joey who put it best. He said, "If you were a man, we wouldn't be having this discussion. You would be seen as an effective leader. But because you are a woman you are seen as 'bitter' or a 'bitch.'" He was absolutely correct. For doing my job I was the bad guy because I was a woman.

The double standard never ceases to amaze me. When male comedians denigrate their ex-girlfriends they are seen as funny. On the other hand, I am seen as bitter. If a male comedian gets on TV, they are seen as hard workers who paid their dues. Someone always thinks I slept my way there. If I don't fight for what I want I am a doormat. If I fight for what I want I am a fame obsessed wench who will succeed at all costs. And when I am a hoochie, coochie woman I am considered a whore. And when I standup for women I am considered a....let's say it again kids.....BITCH

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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