Monday, January 20, 2014

Mean Girls

I don't like mean girls. I haven't since I have been a kid. It is probably because I have never been in a position to be a mean girl myself. My parents didn't let me watch TV and I was a reader. Not to mention I didn't have the mean girl build and didn't have the mean girl mentality. Yes, my mother raised me to be strong. She raised me to know not to clique up with other people who had low self esteem. My mother told me that the right way to go was to include everyone who wanted to be. It didn't matter if they had a scrunchie, what job their father had, if they even had a father. You get the picture.

As I grow older I can deal with most personalities. In comedy, being a woman means dealing with men who put you down constantly. However, you can win the respect of your male comrades. This can be done by not being a professional victim. Also, simply by being funny and shutting the hell up. Oh, and then there is not taking yourself too seriously. It is being victim to the women are not funny jokes and learning to let certain locker room talk slide. Some of it is sexist, but the longer I am an activist the more I know if I fight to censor speech I lack ambition. Rather, the fight is in legislation for victims of sexual assault and stalking. They need protection from violent predators, not simply from verbal jabs.

However, one group I can't gel with are the cliquish girls to this day. They are these princesses who live in glass castles. Yet these pretty little brats forget those who live in any glass enclave should not throw stones. These girls are so obsessed with their wedding and plan it from the time they are five. Godzilla better run cause Bridezila is a comin. Of course, they exclude other women. They gossip about other women too. Lest we not forget that they gang up on other women. While they are in the neighborhood, they even condescend to other women. They need to be in charge. They need to win. They need to make you feel less than.

I have met versions of the Bitch Sorority in adulthood. They are just as menacing as they were in junior high. However, they are more pathetic because they didn't get the memo that we are no longer thirteen. Some of these women were sorority girls in college. Not the nice kind that got drunk and were easy, and invited all that could to join the party. These were the mean ones who fought to blackball someone because she didn't wear the right outfit or have a father who was rich enough so the family could have a summer home. These were the girls who were the Queen Bee's of their cliques back in the day, ganging up against a loner girl simply to intimidate her and make themselves feel superior. And then on top of that, there are those girls that you know were cheerleaders. I have nothing against the nice cheerleaders. I was friends with the captain in high school because she was a good hearted, natural leader. No, I mean the girls who again, gang up on someone that they feel is less than. And of course these dreadful spirits always have toadies and others who fail to stand up to them. They command fear because they are bullies.

This is why I have always had issues with women's only events. While I consider myself a warrior for my gender, my people, we have anarchy and disloyalty to the point where we would make any African Republic seem like it has stable leadership on any given day. Once I was trying to talk to a woman who wrote a book and this wannabe buts in. Of course she has all these suggestions about how the authoress should market her book. She kept cutting me off too. Basically, it was a power struggle. Finally, I walked away. I was getting angry and wanted no part of it. This authoress showed she was no better recently. The wife of a semi-successful comedian, she is somewhat arrogant on facebook. Recently, she opened a thread asking the comedians to name people she thought were up and comers that were worth watching. The whole display of nonsense reminded me of a Stalin/Hitler tactic. To name names is so 1938. Still, it was a mean girl thing. The irony of it was that in her book she kept driving home how she wasn't a mean girl. Don't tell me, show me. Nonetheless, I found her writing less than imaginative and found that she plays the violin of professional victim way too loud. Not to mention she doesn't want to help other women. So it's appropriate those two harpies would have hit it off.

I had to deal with a mean girl yesterday and my blood pressure is still boiling. A vampire looking woman, this particular creature is pushy, bossy, and condescending. I have had run ins with her and her toadie before. These are two weakling professional victims who often make me apologize for being strong. My book is in collections of colleges these two would never have access to. I have been in a situation where I have had to deal with them, and have honestly tried. However, it is hard when you aren't a mean girl and therefore don't want to be exclusionary. Week after week, they have take cheap shot after cheap shot at me. Two weeks ago I let the one idiot have it. Those around me said she wasn't worth it. She is a weakling compared to the true fangster out of the two. Anyway, yesterday the vampire bitch was on the war path and I had a run in with her. I had some words with her. And then I sent her a nasty text. I called her a pushy, condescending bully. I also told her she was not to speak to me like that again. I haven't heard back. Bullies never know how to deal. I can picture her weeping about what a meanie I am. Oh well....

I cherish my female friends who are positive. This morning I saw one who was witness to the mean girl drama yesterday. She told me that the woman was bad mojo and just to stay away, don't worry. I agree. I like my girls who are positive like the ones I brunch with on Saturday. They laugh, they have fun. Most of all, they are confident. They like to talk history, and have no problem doing so because they are on the same educational level I am. They like to talk about theatre and literature. They like to talk about music. They like the laugh. Oh, and they don't make me apologize for being strong.

I know my role is I let mean girls get to me too much. Still, it is kind of hard not to. It is also kind of hard not to get upset as an activist. Behavior like this is why women are treated as second class citizens. Antics such as these are why sexism is still one of the most acceptable form of prejudice. There is talk about eliminating racism and those evils, but sexism is just as damaging. When women act exclusionary towards each other and clique up, we do not hurt one woman but we hurt everyone. We take away the ability to work together. We eliminate opportunities for our own advancement and let the patriarchy win and continue to crush us with the heel of the boot of chauvanism.

Bottom line, when mean girls are mean to one girl, they are mean to everyone shutting down the advancement of women who fought for their inclusion.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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