Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Weirdos Ball

Sometimes I have weird experiences with people. Yes, NYC is WEIRDO CENTRAL sometimes. Anyway today I was delivering a Marilyn Monroe singogram and I change into my new gown my mom's friend made for me. The contact asks me if I have black liner. I am looking at myself in the mirror. I have my beauty mark. I have my red lips. I have my curly hair. I have my white dress. I asked her why. She said for the top of my eyes. WTF!!!! Wowsa, that is the weirdest Marilyn request I have ever gotten. Well Miss, you have the hair, the nails, the outfit, the beauty mark but the thing that is missing is the liner on the top of your lid. I never do liner on the top of my lid. My eyes are big. WTF! I told her no and she was like, okay. And then I sang for the dudeski who was awesome. Well I did my three songs and then they said they wanted another Happy Birthday. Actually at this point I had done five. It was hard to tell whether or not they liked it. These were strange agents. Note to self: wear eyeliner on the top of my eyes because that is what people look for. Not costume, not song, not routine. Eyeliner on the top of my eyes. And then when I am done I will hold my audience hostage.

Of course this reminds me of the time I auditioned for a TV show I will not mention. I met with the party planner, this black lady. They wanted kids entertainment and stuff. Anyway, I went in and they were looking at the pictures of my puppets. The first words out of this woman's mouth is, "She has no black puppets, wait, she has only one. Why does she only have one black puppet?" Then she asked my black puppet's name and I told her it was Shanniqua. She flipped because I only had one black puppet and it's name was Shanniqua. She was like, "Of course it's name is Shanniqua!!!!" Most white people are flipped out that I have a puppet of color. They think the idea of Shanniqua is racist. This woman on the other hand, she was offended that I only had one black puppet. Hell, I think when I get all rich and famous I will get a whole army of black puppets. Yes, just to make her happy. Christopher Walkin says more cow bell. This crazy bitch demands more black puppets. For the record, my footage did make the show. Still, the experience was STRANGE, ODD, BIZARRE, AND WEIRD.

Gotta love oddball feedback

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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