Thursday, November 7, 2013

All Dicked Up

A few years ago I was invited to audition for Puppetry of the Penis. I thought it was a dirty puppet show. Being a comedian and puppeteer, I thought this touring show would take me out of my career rut. I hadn't booked anything in months. So I figured, why not? They sent me pictures of different shapes one could make with said organ, and I just thought they were going to be lifesized puppets.

I arrived and was greeted and given paperwork. However, I was also given an odd look by all the guys who showed up to audition. That is when the director emerged and asked what I was doing there. I told him I had come to audition, and even bought May Wilson. In those days we were waaaaaayyyyyyy dirty. Anyway, that is when someone told me that this perhaps wouldn't be the job for me. And that is when I found out that it truly was puppetry of the penis. The director and producer met as to decide what to do. So before the show began, and they invited me to stay and watch, they had me do my act for everyone. It went well. After that the pants came on and the dicks came out.

The director, an Australian, said, "Okay, time to warm up." That is when he dropped his pants, rubbed his dick and made it pliable and flexible. The rest of the men in the group did the same. Suddenly I was looking at ten random dicks. I felt like I wandered into a gay bath house and forgot my crystal meth. Despite the fact that a woman's presence could be intimidating, these guys were not floored. We all felt awkward. Penis tricks include wrist watch, propeller, pretzel, and many others. Some of the guys were less penis savvy than others. One dude was real good. Apparently he was dropping his draws and doing all his penis puppetry at the theatre arts parties at Pittsburgh's own Point Park University.

After being struck speechless I saw a fellow comedian I only met once or twice at the mics. I introduced myself and we both laughed about what happened, cause how could you not? He shook my hand and said, "From now on, you can always call me Shane."

I said, "And you can call me April. I saw your dick and therefore we will always be bonded." Max laughed. He agreed. I suppose while awkward keeps being the choice word, it was the beginning of a long and beautiful friendship.

"This is the most interesting lunch break I ever had." Shane said.

We laughed. How could we not? Afterwards I ran into church and said a few prayers. While I am not terribly religious I kind of had to after that.

Since that time Shane has gone on to appear with me on Wendy Williams. Today I saw his girlfriend Trixie at the health club. We were talking about Trixie's film, her new book, and I found out Max was her boyfriend. I asked her if he ever told her about our infamous audition at Puppetry of the Penis. Apparently he had. Truth is, we have both seen her boyfriend's penis. She wanted to, I did by accident. Does that make us tied for life? I dunno. It's just something else that we laugh about as New York Comedians climbing the ladder and following our dreams.

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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