Closer to Fine (Indigo Girls)

For the first time in almost three weeks I am starting to feel like myself again. Despite being burglarized, my life is starting to achieve some modicum of normal again. Still the after effects can be felt all over me. It’s being invaded and you never feel the same. Suddenly you want to quadruple lock every door. Then you just get so angry that you work just to have a few things and some people feel the need to take them.

The crazy thing is, I think I know who did this to me too. I wont go into too much detail but I know who it is and can’t lawfully prove it. Sure I could take justice into my own hands. But here’s the thing. I hate dealing with cops when I am a victim, imagine how nasty they can be when you are a suspect. Then again don’t get me started on how victims have no rights, criminals have too many, and white people who can afford the deceased Robert Kardashian have it all.

During this period things got complicated with a friend of mine. Yes he is a ladies man but maybe he is less of a ladies man than I thought. Actually he was quite lovely. If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have gotten through his disaster. Unfortunately he took a job in Utah at a ski resort. While he wanted to do the long distance thing I pulled the plug. I let him know if things change I will reconsider. But all and all I left with the notion that perhaps I need to chill out. That all men weren’t evil demons determined to make my life miserable by making me their prisoner in an ivory tower of our own doom and destruction. Rather they were breathing beings with thoughts and feelings. And for the first time in a long time I felt like I could love again, like my heart wasn’t a solid ice box.

On the other hand there is still a part of me that is an alley cat, that wants to roam free. One guy I hung out with said he could make me fall in love and get attached but he would never get attached. I wanted to laugh. I knew under that macho bullshit he was fixing to play a game with me. At the same time I am a child of the night, a force of wind and fire. I don’t get attached. I haven’t been faithful since my ex fiancé. Every guy since then I either verbally assaulted because they deserved it or just couldn’t bring myself to stay faithful. Men eventually cheat and always think about it. I figured why not join the party? It’s a way to live that is more true to nature. Humans are the only ones in the animal kingdom that waste their time with the stupidity of feeling.

The good news is that I am back on YouNow again. I was away from doing shows and missed everyone. Sunday’s show was tough. A lot of it was that I have been away and the population on the website has shifted. I always got along with the little Brit kids but the Americans that didn’t have left. As a result of the influx of newbies many didn’t know about my show. Then of course the talk two tab is new. While Sunday’s show had a wonderful spread of new people I felt tired from all the drama and it reflected. Plus I just cussed some folks out earlier on the air. I got some shit but hey. I got thirty new fans as a result.

Monday morning I got an email from someone associated with YouNow about how my show seemed to lag because it hadn’t been on. Perhaps they had picked up on the anger I was feeling. Perhaps they picked up on my tiredness. Perhaps it was that this show wasn’t so well planned. Perhaps it was just time to get over it.

Then I realized that I had a lot going for me. For one I have my Poppy Seeds aka my fans who are all young kids who seemingly look up to me and watch me on younow. They missed me and am glad I am back. The best kick in the head was that I realized for as much as I want it to be things aren’t always about me. It’s selfish for me to have my own pity party plus bounce house while my fans depend on me for inspiration. They need me to be positive. They need me to be there for them, letting them know that if they run into a bully that its not a reflection of them but rather the bully and it’s going to be okay. Plus I also have to make my shows fun and exciting no matter how tired I get. And for as tired as I feel the people at YouNow appreciate my hardwork and effort.

Not to mention this week my episode of Pig Roast With Otto and George premiered on bashboxtv.com. Not only did I get to share air time with the very sexy Wild Cherryz who make me sexier just by second hand smokiness, but I got to work with Otto Petersen, a ventriloquist who is not only legendary but one I look up to. I remember working with him when I was only twenty and he asked if May had a last name. I said no. He said it was important that she have a last name because it would make her more real thus she was Christened May Wilson. Now all my puppets have sirnames. But it was cool working with Otto and I received lots of compliments on the episode.

Then I was on Anthony Bourdain’s new show on the Travel Channel. My gay cop puppet Officer E made his television debut. Actually his full name is Officer Edward Eduardo Edwardsen but he prefers Officer E. Anyway he agreed sushi was too expensive in NYC and he is looking for a rich husband. Look out May Wilson, you may have some competition for the diva chair in the Legendary House of Mama Foxxx. But the crazy thing is, everyone and their mother has seen the episode but I have not. My mother is in the process of tevoing it. I have been on TV a lot this past year and everyone always says to me, “April, saw you on TV.” And they asked me what I thought of it and then I say, “Wait, I was on TV? Tell me all about it. No seriously, I don’t own a TV. Tell me all about it.”

I also did a show for a bunch of kiddies this weekend at a yearly holiday party thrown by a large law firm. The kids loved me, they loved me so much they wouldn’t leave. As a matter of fact they fought over who would hold the sign, who would be the reindeer who would do this or that. Instead of moving on to see the juggler they wanted more puppets. I had three half hour shows. Instead I just kept performing continuously for three and a half hours with no stop because people kept coming in and out, in and out. Then other kids kept coming in with their reluctant parents as hostages because good things were said. Of course then there were the older folks who were fascinated by ventriloquism and wanted to see it. Soon other entertainers were coming in the room because the kiddie traffic was coming my way. While I loved the adoration of my fans and my bosses informed me that I would be back every year because I was so loved I was tired.  I hadn’t done this since my days as a street performer, a career I stopped after a near deadly attack from a psycho homeless dude. While it was fun I forgot how it just made you exhausted. In my sleep I can still hear, “More puppets! More puppets! We want more puppets!”  Tats when I sceam, “NO!!!!”

Then of course I got a fan letter from a retired soldier who saw me in a flick I did two years ago called Lullaby about street performers. The letter was a little crazy but very sweet and he requested a fan photo. I read this to my  friend who had a laugh and we both agreed to call the cops if he showed up at my door with a copy of Catcher in the Rye.

I also found out a year ago when they were talking smack on me on a radio station a comedian I look up to and respect from my hometown who is now making good  called in and defended me. I was like wow. Not only is this guy funny, but he is a Yinzer just like me. I will give you a clue about who it is. He is on the show Mike and Molly. Won’t tell you who he is or what he does but it was enough to let me know not only do people who count know how hard I work but that my hard work is counting for something.

Last night I celebrated my new locks by going kickboxing. However my new locks worked so well  I couldn’t get in let alone any thief in the night. Crying I called my super and called my friend. I also got to meet and befriend a new neighbor. I called my friend Frankie bemoaning my fate asking why the universe wasn’t giving me a break. That’s when he told me I needed to take the bad with the good. While it was hard I took Frankie’s word for it. He’s been through a lot and seems wiser than someone who’s twenty nine. God only knows he has lived a lot more.

Then I thought about it as my super fixed my door. My life was good. Heisman Weekend is fast approaching and I will be part of the festivities. Sure my life was having a rough patch but with the bad there is always the good. As my super fixed my door and I watched my episode of Pig Roast he came over and saw me on screen. Not only did I look different but he informed me he didn’t know I even did that. And he also confessed he had always been a fan of ventriloquism.

God often speaks through my mother and I was ranting about wanting revenge on the person who burgled me and she informed me the best revenge was not putting them in a ditch but living well. And I am living well. Plus it could have been worse. When my mom was burglarized she actually walked in on them. Or they could have killed me. Or they could have taken everything. But they didn’t. My locks are fixed, I have good friends and above all things I feel safe and like April for the first time in forever.

I am going to continue to rock my way up and out. As I told my Mom a year ago that this wasn’t the end but only the beginning. More on the book and the single I am dropping soon as well as a soon to be music video. Until then, watch me this Sunday night from 8-10 pm EST on Confessions on YouNow.com’s Talk Two Channel. This week’s topic is Worst Christmas presents ever. Hope to see you there xoxox April