Monday, June 20, 2011

April's Weekly Countdown

In honor of Father’s Day, the winner of the week title belongs to my Daddoo. Or my dad as I call him. Not only is he now sporting the Yankees hat I sent him, but he has some of the best quotes of all time. My all time favorite pertains to a guy I once dated, “April, when someone says that they are misunderstood, it means they are an asshole and everyone knows it.” William G. Brucker you rock! Happy Father’s Day after the day dad!
L to R: Me, Mrs. Janet Hill (Mama to Grant Hill), my sister Brenna and my Dad at the 2008 Heisman Trophy Awards

The loser of the week goes to Anthony Weiner. He has a hot young wife who is expecting a baby, a position of power, and goes flashing his hot dog to porn stars. Dude, you are a dousche. So glad you stepped down. I hope your wife leaves you. That way you and Palmela will be making great friends. In the words of Pink it will be you and your hand tonite.
Hey Mr. Weiner, you made a real dick mess.

I have to say Teen Pregnancy is my guilty pleasure of the week. My new favorite Lifetime eat my iced cream film is Fifteen and Pregnant with Kirsten Dunst before she was what Perez Hilton terms the Drunkst. Basically it is about a girl who gets knocked up by a slick guy with a fast car and ruins her life and how the heartache draws her family together. Laced with the feminist agenda on how religion makes women stupid when it comes to birth control and how you should probably have the abortion because sometimes life is a pain in the ass choice, it makes me all the more grateful for this white trash inspired cinema. Hey, who else can start high school as a mommy.
Young girls, if you live in a trailor stay away from a guy with a fast car and lots of gel in his hair. It will not end well.

My other guilty pleasure is 16 and Pregnant on MTV. These girls are all naïve with their heads in the clouds and therefore it is no wonder they spread their legs. The teen fathers don’t want to get their shit together and instead would like to spend all the live long day playing video games. These children have no chance. If I were their mothers I would inject those girls with birth control. Or I would encourage them to raise the children alone and say that their father died in the war. Better yet, go to the clinic and get that shit scraped out. Or if it was too late to GIVE THE CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION. Yes adoption is an alternative. I have six cousins who are adopted and all well cared for. Possibly the product of situations like this. But wow, some of these girls are total trainwrecks. A boyfriend who races motor cross will not support you or an infant. However, as you go into labor on your quad Maci, it is entertaining as hell to see you wreck your life. I am keeping my eyes glued.
Oh yes, who needs a condom with you have MTV? I want to see some of these girls on Maury in a few years

Raheem Self Paid Lee or Mr. Good Bar. Yes, Mr. Good Bar made an appearance in my music video “Shuttlecock.” It is a dirty song that is about something else not so dirty. If you know sports with racquets use your brain. Nonetheless, I have to admit, Mr. Good Bar was nice to look at. And even nicer when he appeared in Playgirl. Made me wonder why I gave up candy cause my gosh I want to take a bite. Yum yum.

Take a bite of that yum yum chocolate!

Okay Katy, I no longer hate you. I love your new track. I think if we met we would be friends. You hate Jesus Freaks and so do I.
Get me one of those lollipops and Russel Brand while you are at it.

I stopped into Lush and one of the women working there told me she was still in love with her ex who was recently married. She named the date too and even told me that now that he was married and she truly loved him she had to accept that he was gone forever. Then she also told me she went through six months of grief counseling to deal with this as she was soaping up my hands. Wow, no wonder he left your ass. After telling me she was still stalking him she said, “Now lets talk about Lush.” OKAY!
You and your pet bunny will never be safe from the clutches of this mad woman again!

Ghetto Chronicles with DWIT. Mark your calenders for this Saturday at the Joria Theatre. I will be opening two shows with them. One at 4, one at 8. The address is 260 West 36th st. It’s a great show and I am making my grand return with them. The bonus is, this time I wont be going to the show with a regrettable looking date. However, I do want a hottie on my arm. Perhaps one that I have been talking to. Hmmmm

You so ghetto. Damn straight I am!
The hair style of the week goes to May Wilson who recently got a new do. Not only is she rocking and rolling with her new locks but she told me she no longer needs me. I put the bitch on TV, I get her street cred, and she tells me I would be nothing without her. What a diva! Nonetheless she is rocking it out with that new hair. Gotta love a girl who is stuffed and unstrung.
May Wilson, passed out after a long night of drinking and drugging. However, her hair still looks fierce

Despite all the sex her hair is not bed messed.

“I am not a ho. I have only slept with men out of love and lust.” Nathaniel Mitchell

Love you much brown sugar xxoooxoxo

Marcus Yi for writing me funny songs and making me look beautiful and sexy on video. Love you my Asian boy toy. xoxoxo
Love me my Marcus xooxo

This is my weekly countdown. Enjoy! xoxoxoxoxoxo

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