Tuesday, June 14, 2011

April's Weekly Countdown

Okay, time for April’s weekly Countdown

Loser of the Week
This title goes to Tracy Morgan. Mr. Morgan, black hack and star of the NBC sitcom Thirty Rock made some homophobic comments onstage. He claimed he would stab his son if he ever told him that he were gay. Some comedians defended this as hyperbole. What I saw was pure hate. He would not have offended people if the energy behind what he said was not so nasty and hateful. Also, this is not Tracy’s first homophobic comment. A number of years ago it was reported in the Advocate that he said homosexuality was a choice. I have a large number of gay friends and am very protective of them as they were protective of me during one of the roughest times in my life. I have but one question for Tracy, why the fuck would you insult the people who run Hollywood. Yes the gays run Hollywood. They produce, direct, and run the networks. Not to mention they do your hair and pick your clothes. Why would you insult a group of people who controls who gets hired and fired and could make you look like dog shit if they wanted to. Now thanks to your big mouth Mr. Morgan, you will forever look like shit when you are on camera. Mr. Morgan, you have also had your issues with chemical dependency. What I am trying to say is ASSHOLE LAY THE OFF THE CRACK PIPE BEFORE YOU GO ONSTAGE. JUST A FUCKING THOUGHT!

A hateful moron in his natural state. Smile for the cameras your untalented crackhead.
Winner of the Week
Leonard Pope of the Kansas City Chiefs takes the winner of the week title by far. This NFL player was at a house party when a child was swimming in a pool. Suddenly, he heard the child’s mother screaming because the child was in distress and she could not swim. So Lenny was in the house chowing on some BBQ when he heard the screaming and sprung into action. Without hesitation, he scooped the drowning child out of the pool and made it possible not only to avoid disaster, but for a mother to continue to tuck her child into bed until he reached the ripe old age of eighteen and no longer wanted to sleep with his teddy bear. We love you Leonard Pope xo
Awesome work saving the drowning child. You may never get a superbowl ring but I will always be rooting for you.

Comedian of the Week
This award goes to Whitney Cummings. She is a former model and she is hot as hell. And not to mention funny. Whitney, I have a confession to make. I would want to beat your ass and rearrange your face except I love you and respect your work too much to do so. Therefore you are the comedian of the week.
Hot as hell and funny in the fuck me shoes. Love you much on this blog Miss Whitney

Song of the Week
Racks by Young Chris. I love that song and could hear it all freaking day. Not to mention it is catchy in a good way. Not like Katy Perry who makes me want to kill myself everytime I hear her on the radio. Russell Brand, you deserve better. But back to Young Chris, I love him and want to adopt him as my baby brother. May mentioned wanting to sleep with him. I think there is something we could work out.
MWAH! May wants to sleep with you but who would you choose Young Chris? She comes with handcuffs. I dont.

Guilty Pleasure of the Week
Okay, the title goes to Ke$ha. She is the poor man's Lady Gaga. In  a universe where McGaga would be coke, this bitch is cheap assed freebase crack cocaine. But who doesnt like a good crackhead missing a few teeth straight out the ghetto. I know I do. Gosh I love me some McKe$h Ke$h
It is appropriate your song is called Blow because I can't stop fucking listening. You are like a drug darling. Wrecking my hearing but I love every second

 Positive Step of the Week
This goes to comedian Andy Julia, my buddy and compatriot who recently signed to 222 Talent Agency proving perseverence and hard work as well as talent do pay off. Remember us when you are a big star Andy!
Go Andy, we love you!

Crazy Bitch of the Week
This weeks is a two way tie
I recorded a rap song not so long ago. It is about an ex of mine that has a new girl who tries to look like me, act like me, yet the bitch throws shade everytime she can. I saw the cunt rag the other day, yes the one who ripped my posters down, and she looks more like me than ever. Oh and she continues to say McNasty things about me. She claimed I was trying to break her and her boyfriend up when I don’t talk to her or that reject she shares a bed with! Oh and word on the street was the song made her cry. I hope she goes to the nearest bridge and jumps. I really don’t like her. She makes me ill. But the good news is the Ms. Wannabe video now has close to 700 hits and it keeps climbing. And I saw her too and she gained weight! I mean she was hanging over those pants. Maybe she will record another youtube video of her covering someone else’s song over the vocals because she can’t fucking sing. Or maybe she will have another brownie. Either way, here is the link to my diss song. Hey, it’s not easy being me. That’s why psycho bitch wants to do it.
Link to the Miss Wannabe video. Lets keep those views going up and the confidence of that dumb bitch going down shall we? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VVnNNUvXSQ

Oh and the tie is another woman I know and dislike. She thinks she is hot shit because her man is big in the theatre. She goes to all these functions with him and talks about herself in third person. That wouldn’t be so bad except she acts like she is hot shit all the time and throws shade my way whenever she sees me. I have done nothing to this woman. Oh and did I mention she pulls out her titties and breast feeds her damn children in plain site? I have nothing against children needing to eat, and I have nothing against a woman’s choice to breast feed, but do it tastefully. Don’t whip your titty out, show us your aerola, and then let us see your little bastard guzzing titty juice. I do not want to go to second base with you and neither does the rest of the world you stupid, dumb bitch. Then she puts this video on the internet of her child swearing because she thinks it is cute. I would call child services but I think it would be fun to see how her kid grows up to be a hooker.

Hey bitch, this is what we all see when you whip your titty out. Did I mention this woman is hotter than your skank ass?
Loser Man of the Week
Okay this dude that I messed around with a few years ago is now kissing my ass because I have some TV time. Meanwhile this moron didnt treat me well when he had me and told me that my children and I would never have a chance at becoming famous with the art of ventriloquism let alone successful. Well now he is eating his words and kissing my ass. Sorry pal, I dont care if you have all the money in the world. When you dont tip a waitress I write you off FOREVER!

Of course it is. Why did you crawl back the second I got on the Today Show?
Favorite Comedy Bookers of the Week
Keith Godwin and Mike Parenti of ComedyToGo. They are not only good guys, but they give great oppertunities to new comedians in order to get stage time. Also, they have respected and funny headliners with plenty of TV creds on their shows. In addition Keith, who is in recovery, brings comedy shows to rehabs and Therapuetic Communities, the people who need to laugh the most. Not only are these shows fun, but they show that these two books don't just want to profit from comedy but truly love and respect the art form that they dedicate their time to.

Doing comedy for all the right reasons and being the best comedians to your event. Watch these guys rise and get in with the winners now!

New Friend of the Week
Nicho Mendez
Baby, I loved our jog in the park. Lets have some more. You are an inspiration and a positive force of life. Love you much xoxoxo

Quote of the week
“I have so many girlfriends I am starting to wonder about my sexuality. Maybe I am a straight man in the closet.” Max Yochum.
You da man, quote of the week!
Fave new pic of myself of the week
Oh Octavia St. Laurent, if only you could see me now!

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