I am sick. End of story, plain and simple. My mom mailed me a package with medicine that didn’t come. At times like this I wish my mom was living with me so she could make me chicken soup, tell me that everything was going to be okay. Instead I am just sick.
The worst part is, because of my status as a freelancer, when I am sick I am unable to work. I missed a call for a job, but not really. It was between me and friend of mine at the telegram company. She ended up doing it just because she knew the character better but however I had the wig. It worked out better because it was an hour train ride and a twenty minute cab ride. I was light headed and could barely keep my eyes open. I was in no shape to take the trip so it all worked out. Plus as I said she knew the character better and the woman she was singing to was a die hard Lucille Ball fan.
My boss told me not to worry, they would have a gig for me soon. Plus Valentines Day is coming up. Part of me worries that we won’t have any business or that he will leave me off rotation. I know it’s not true. It’s me being paranoid and sick. I am part of the A team at the telegram company. I do certain characters very well, I take risks, I travel. Yes I screw up but on the other hand I never fuck up. There has to be something to be said for that.
Then there was a call for a Giants Cheerleader from another company I sometimes work with that didn’t go through. I think it was God telling to get some sleep. Take it easy. Pop an Advil PM. Advil PM is the best. Nyquil makes me feel hungover and Tylenol PM is like the eternal sleeping pill that you could just get hooked on all Judy Garland style it seems. Advil PM just makes me sleep, I wake up and then presto I start my day. Dayquil is sweet, it’s a stimulant. But relax I am not getting hooked kids.
I am under added stress not just because I am missing jobs but because I am about to publish a book. In between me being sick and other things I am afraid of getting behind schedule. I am looking forward to the release of my book though because I have worked very hard on it. But in my heart I am afraid no one will buy it. Maybe they won’t.
Then I am co-head of a pitch team for a TV show we are currently shopping in Hollywood. At least once a day I am filtering through people who are nothing but smoke and mirrors. People promise you things but then they back down. I also have to be the brass knuckles, explaining to those on my side not to get their hopes up. I hate to be as jaded as I am but I have been in the game far too long to entertain bullshit.
I did write a screenplay I hope to pitch soon. If it is one thing I can do it is I can write. I have been writing since I have been small. Then there are sometimes that I feel I can’t even do that. Did I mention I can’t act either sometimes?
I havent been kickboxing as much as I want to. The week before last I missed class entirely. Then this past week I went once and almost passed out. There is nothing like being near blackout, holding a kicking shield, and then blamo. At least I didn’t faint.
I spent last night with a friend sort of watching the superbowl and talking guys, low key. Yes it was a girlfriend. I don’t have many friends who are girls so maybe this was a good thing. It’s different having my Sunday nights free now that I am no longer hosting. Granted, I am busy as hell but I miss my fans on YouNow. I have been going through sort of a withdrawl since I left. I have all sorts of feelings but I know feelings are not facts. More than anything I just miss my poppyseeds.
I am also bummed because the microphone on my computer is malfunctioning so I can’t make videos. Sucks to be me right now.
Time for DayQuil and time to make a gratitude list. Okay, I am grateful that I am not Tom Brady, a loser that needs hair club for men. Maybe he and that loser/liar/lawyer I used to date can compare notes. Except my loser ex would be laughed out of the room by a model. But Tom Brady might be soon enough too. Love April