May's New Year's Resolutions

Dear World,
My name is May Wilson. I am a star of an act called the roommates and April makes me sleep in a trunk. This year I have some resolutions
1. Stop sleeping in a trunk and demand a bed. Only victims of serial killers sleep in trunks and they never come out alive.
2. Have April spring for shoes. It is getting cold and we cannot have the star of the act getting a chill thank you very much.
3. Stalking Kermit the Frog is getting boring because he likes to sleep with pigs. The old billionaires who are near death have adult children who have caught on to my game. Chuckie has found a bride and the carebears along with Burt and Ernie don't bat for my team. So it's Teddy Ruxbin. Although he is washed up, he still has connections.
4. Have April give me a trip to the washing machine. I am dirty.....
5. Get a convertible. I am a Hollywood girl and it's about time.
6. Find April a guy who hasn't been to prison and that has a job.
9. Be more vocal about how I am the brains of the act and the head of the household.
10. To pAArty hardy and to be more fierce than ever

Me and April. I am the one with the long lashes, white teeth and big mouth and those big green eyes. Now you know why I am the star of the act.