10 Pieces of Advice For Dealing With Negative People

Yes, negative people. We all know them. The energy sucks and drains that try to snatch our spirit and steal whatever other sunlight we have in our souls. They are just awful in every way, and have no redeeming qualities. Often, we leave feeling depleted of any vitamins and minerals, and wonder why we want to punch a wall.

Here are ten ways we can fight back:

1. Wear A Watch- Yeah, here is that energy suck trying to engage you in conversation yet again. However, now you can take control of the situation. Look at your watch, apologize, and tell them you have an appointment. Yeah, it's a lie. But any destination is better than listening to the garbage these folks spew on the reg.

2. Fight Fire With Water- When dealing with a negative person you can't quite extricate yourself from, turn the diss or gossip session into something positive. For example, when they rip Sally Jones apart, say Sally has always been nice to you, or point out a strength she has. That kills the virus right quick.

3. Don't Feed In- Sometimes a negative individual will go out of there way to start conflict and needle you. Don't make a snide remark, although it is tempting. Instead, don't feed in. The opposite of love is not hate, but rather apathy. If you don't care, they will find a new target.

4. Keep Your Side of the Street Clean- Sometimes, a negative person is so problematic they make you crazy. It's them and not you. However, you have control over how you act. They do not pull your strings. Remember that while it is them, it's on you to behave like the bigger, better person.

5. Use The Block Button- The internet is the home for any and all negative people, and it gives their moron muscle balls of steel. It's easy to get sucked in. Knowing this, if they step over the line use the block button. It kills any and all conflict in your path, and also the chaos continues. They can say whatever they want afterwards, but it only makes them look worse and you look better.

6. Maintain A Bottom Line- These individuals are disconcerting, and more often than not are bullies. When dealing with them, set up a firm boundary about what makes you comfortable and what doesn't. If they step over the line, kindly let them know. If they see they cannot push you around, they will stop and find someone new to make their punching  bag.

7. Remove Yourself- Sometimes a negative person pushes you so hard you do want to physically retaliate. That is when you need to either fake a stomach ache and leave, or go to the bathroom and splash water on your face. This will help you get some peace, quiet, and return to sanity.

8. Know You Aren't Alone-When someone is overwhelmingly negative, their Mr. Yuck is almost always universal. Where there is smoke, there is fire. So know while they are mean and nasty, it's not just to you, it's everyone. That won't make it so personal.

9. Get Legal If Need Be- Sometimes, a person can be so problematic you have to get the law involved, and that is the only boundary they understand. If their harassment and terrible behavior are disrupting your peace of mind and safety, go to the police. It is what they are there for.

10. Have Compassion-Some people are harder to love than others. A negative person might be one who is easy to murder in your mind. But know that unfortunately, people are the way they are for a reason, good or bad. Also, maybe this person has mental health issues and isn't getting the proper medication or treatment. Hope the universe in whatever fashion sends them peace and guides them towards happiness, because while they disrupt you, ultimately they do the most harm to themselves.

Hope I helped someone

xoxox
www.aprilbrucker.com

Helena (The Misfits)

The Native Americans used to have a term for negative people. They called them spirit snatchers. Essentially, when dealing with this person they sucked your spirit and for the rest of the day you were angry or annoyed for no reason. Answer these people took your energy. We all know a spirit snatcher. We have crossed paths with them. We have all fallen victim. It's like the day is sunny and then all of a sudden there is the black cloud and that person appears. No responsibility or accountability, just it's everyone else's fault. Always some crisis. You know what I'm saying.

A few years ago there was a woman I performed with. Her hair was dyed this terrible pineapple color and she always had some crisis. Usually these involved sleeping with older, male headliners for stage time. She always had some sob story and as a bi-product got stage time from these guys. I saw through the sob story right away. In addition, this woman also had a story about how her father molested her in some fashion and went so far as to carry around the incest literature, reading it at the bar. While incest is a real thing and it is terrible, this chick was really playing the Lifetime violin hard. We did a show and while I was in the same room she stole my joke. Sure the joke wasn't that special but she had done shows with me before. She knew that was mine. I said something to a friend and he said, "Go easy, her dad touched her." Oops so that gives her the right to be an asshole. This was back in the days when Jack Daniels and I were besties and usually I had to fortify myself before tolerating this mess. Needless to say eighteen months later, she totally recanted her tales of her dad molesting her saying he was the greatest guy in the world. That is also around the time Jack Daniels and I ended our love affair. She became harder to deal with and now when I see her I don't talk to her. I just can't. It's always some manipulative tale of lies and deception for self-gain. Not to mention she just pisses me off. Oh and she twists it around to anyone that will listen about how I don't like her and says it is for no reason. Yes Bitch, I don't like you. But we both know why. Anyone with a brain doesn't.

Of course another person I have met in my travels is some woman who claims to be a relation to someone famous and that is all I will say. Supposedly, she grew up poor but lived in a swanky section of Florida in a condo. I don't know. Anyway, she is one of those people who is your friend to your face but behind your back will stab you when you aren't looking. Not to mention she just likes to start things between people. Another friend of mine got divorced and had a fling with this thing before meeting his current gal pal of three years. So when this thing meets his girlfriend she tells him about this sexual tryst they had. How is this appropriate? Anyway, I had a few run ins with this thing. On not one but several occasions she has come into a hang out drunk off of her mind and tried to start crap with me by calling me a slut and such. Meanwhile, her legs open and close more frequently than a pair of scissors. I usually avoid her because my first impulse is to punch her and she isn't worth a felony charge. But I came close a few months ago when a girl who was a roomie of a friend of ours unknowingly slept with a total ladies man and got her heart broken. This nut told everyone in the bar. As someone who had an absentee father who disses her you think she would have been sympathetic to someone having a bad day? No, once a manipulative shunt always a manipulative shunt. So I avoid her as well. Plus some of her closest besties have dissed me rather publically on gossip sites. Not good for the mental health of the AB. Why go there when you can have peace and serenity?

Spirit snatchers aren't always nasty people. Sometimes they are just a mess of McDrama that keeps growing. One in particular was an old friend of mine who had a husband that she was unhappy with. So instead of telling him how she felt she started having an affair with another dude. I was her friend through this Tom Foolery and we often had girl's nights out where she told me about both men. And then it got worse. The dude she was having an affair with started calling me to tell me about the affair because I knew him, and he started to make a play for me. The sob story he concocted was that his wife had no vagina therefore he couldn't have sex with her. I knew this was bullshit but my buddy bought it hook, line, and sinker. Well the end came when her husband and I crossed paths and he started giving me info too. Dealing with these three freakshows was making me a homicidal maniac. Woman who is married to one man but in love with the other but won't leave. Then there was creepo who lies about his wife having no vagine. And add in idiot husband who keeps taking her back. Oh and she was also being evicted. Maybe if she would have started charging the other guy.....But still, eventually I had to end this crap. I wanted to murder all three of them. If they put the energy they did into their careers as they did into their lives they would all be stars. This friend and I have reconnected and she and her husband have worked through their issues and the other guy is no more. However, it is on a limited basis. Once you see that side of someone there is no going back.

And then in the spirit snatcher category there is just the other category of entitled. A few years ago I was friends with this guy on an online site for comedians. He was pretty supportive and nice. Then he got into a relationship, moved cross country, and got dumped. When he returned to the city he expected things to start happening for him again and they didn't. Things had changed and people had moved on. He was no longer the great "I am." Anyway, during this time I got some momentum with my career and was getting better gigs, gigs he felt entitled to. So any chance he got he would start things with me online. Sometimes he would correct my grammar, sometimes he would slam a job I got, and he would call me names for the way I promoted myself. In addition, he took cheap shots at my puppetry skills, etc. Well, I got a TV show and guess who was on the message board dissing me front and center? Yeah....So basically after that I blocked him online and said I was done with his ass. A few months later some people who saw him live wrote me and said they saw my videos, and he sucked so bad they wished they would have had me there instead. Just proof God hates the same things I do. This goes to show you that it is a pleasant lesson that life owes doesn't owe anyone anything. Clarence Darrow may have won The Scopes Monkey Trial, but that didn't mean his next case was handed to him. I always see this dude walking through my hood with an angry look on his face and his fists clenched. Maybe if he stopped blaming everyone else for his problems he just might have his career back.

Of course there is the dream killer. I once worked under this guy at a club who was a failed actor turned comedy club manager. My goal was to do the gig a bit and then move on once I got headliner spots or something better. It was a place to park my feet and work out my stuff. This dude I worked under would always tell me about how he wanted to be an actor but couldn't do it and how he was going to die alone. Oh and then he would force me to lie to the comedians walking in the door and say industry would be at the new talent shows when it in fact would not. He would always talk about how unfair the industry had been to him and such. This was not an easy gig. Most of the time this dude was always trying to get me to stay. When I would try to advance my career he would tell me it wasn't happening and how he used to have the same dreams and just to give them up. Our last convo was when I was finally getting ready to leave for real. I had just gotten a ton of national TV time-and they did too through me-and I was still being worked like a dog. This dude said, "Sometimes in life we just have to settle. Your career isn't going to be what you want it to be." I was like, you are old. You can settle. I was going to quit but they fired me instead which was a fucking relief. Needless to say not only did I decide not to settle, but I have never regretted the outcome.

In that category add unhealthy relationships. When I was twenty one I found myself embroiled with someone who was emotionally, mentally, and sometimes even physically abusive. This dude would tell me he loved me one minute and then the next be telling me how much something I did sucked. Sometimes he hated the way I wore my hair. Sometimes he hated my cooking. Oh and he would tell me how weird his friends thought I was and how they didn't like me. But the next minute he would be cleaning my room or writing me a poem so I was always sucked back in. There were times this dude would insult me in public in front of his friends whether he was telling me I needed breast implants or that my puppets were just weird and no one liked them. And then of course according to him, because he helped me with three jokes, he wrote my entire standup act. The second I would try to do anything without him he would convince me that I couldn't do it. In between the constant putting me down and everything else I began to lose my self-worth. When I would try to leave he would threaten suicide and even attempted it twice in front of me. I was so consumed that I was too tired to live the rest of my life. Oh and he never had any money therefore I had to front the bill everytime. When I decided to leave he started stalking me and I had to get a different mailing address. I am glad I left though. Not only did I get my confidence in myself back, but I got my puppets back too. My mom told me that when I was with him I was angry all the time and when I left him she got her daughter back so to speak. I am grateful there was still a part of my spirit that wasnt taken that just decided enough was enough. Since that time I have never let a man bully me, and I also took a look at my part in things about why I decided to stay as long as I did. And I am happy to say I never did it again.

More generally, I have experience the spirit snatching through comedian road trips. It always starts off as someone bringing up someone and then everyone starts dissing everyone. Some regard it is as past time. I regard it as a waste of breath. Often times that person is someone doing well and on track. These gossipers often cry, "Not fair." I have met the subject of the gossip from time to time and not only found what was being said not true, but actually found myself liking the butt of the bullying by words much more than my riding companions. Some of these subjects of idle gossip have stepped up to defend me when I was being torn to shreds by others. I have always wanted to say to these morons, maybe if you concentrated on your own game you would be successful too. Maybe if you stopped buying into the excuseolgy and victimology then you would be doing well. We make our own luck in this world. We are all responsible for our own happiness.

If you find yourself in constant contact with spirit snatchers it is time to ask yourself why you are letting these people in your life. I remember I went through a phase where it seemed I was being jumped by them at every corner. That is when I decided it was boundary time.

Here are some suggestions I got to combat these spirit snatching sons/daughters of bitches who taught them no better:
1. Wear a watch. That way when they begin to snatch your spirit with their bullshit you can say you have somewhere to go. Even if it is just the Toot 'n' Scoot. You don't have to specify. Your goal is not to spare their feelings but to save your sanity. They won't take it personally, in a minute they will find a new target.

2. Change the subject. If you are trapped in a car or a space with this person it can be harder. But if you change the subject to something general like sports the gossip or hate speech can stop.

3. Say, "I don't want to know." When they start telling you about their McDrama and you feel your brain leaking, you are welcome to say you don't want to know. Keep repeating it until they get it. Again, they will find someone else and you will get to keep your sanity.

4. Make the excuse that you need to go out and smoke. Even if you aren't a smoker, it gets you away from the entity temporary sucking your soul and you can take a few breaths and get your sanity back.

5. Cut them out completely. If you have the option this works best. Don't pick up the phone when they call. When you see them on the street run the other way. Even if you aren't having a bad day, after seeing them you will

Also, surround yourself with positive people doing positive things. Stick with the winners, they people who have what you want. Make friends and take lovers that while they will tell you when you are being a jerkoff and give you honest feedback, also will make you feel good about yourself and value you as a person.

Sigh....I know this is long but I had words to say, yo

Love

April

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
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www.youtube.com/aprilthestarr
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Gossip

Gossip is something we can’t resist. In the world of standup comedians it fills hours of endless driving on those road gigs. What comic bombed so terribly he made Nagasaki look like a mild dust storm. Or what booker is hard to deal with. Then there is what female comedian is blowing bookers and club owners for spots. Of course there are the classics. There is the story of the female comedian who instead of working on her act did things like go to church with the booker of the Comic Strip Live and she was Jewish! I don’t know how much of it was true or how much of it was idle jealous chatter. Of course then there is the litany of trashing the folks who are making it that “don’t deserve it.” Either way, when we pull into the venue I know more than I care to know about other comics. In the past I was guilty of joining in. Now my question is, what do I care?

Seriously. Some of the gossip is just plain hate induced. The comic that bombed horrifically was probably someone the gossiper had a vendetta against and it wasn’t that big of a deal. Or the booker who is hard to deal with just doesn’t like jerkoff entitled comedians, end of story. I don’t like jerkoff entitled comedians. Who the hell does? As for the slamming of the female comedians getting ahead, when a woman gets ahead in a man’s world anywhere everyone looks to knock her down. If she were a man none of this would be an issue. Then the folks making it who “don’t deserve it” maybe they are the ethnic flavor of the month or have a desired look for a project but most of the time they busted their asses getting out there. Then the long of the short of it all is the next sentence is, “If it’s true.”

One thing I notice about gossipers is that in their own lives they barely have it together therefore they have to focus on other people’s lives and their misery and pain is a bonus for these bottom feeders. I can name all the notorious gossips I know. One is a comedian who is always less than professional who runs hot and cold onstage. He is always the first to dish the latest dirt on the latest you know who. Nevermind his calendar dries up do his own shiteous behavior. Then when he tanks it’s never the fact he doesn’t write new jokes or focus on his act. Rather it is that the “audience wasn’t on his side.” Then he says certain people hate him. Well pal it’s because you have a big mouth.

Then there is a low class low rent booker who is always the first to diss on the comedians he hates. While some of what he says might be true he bitches about why he is no where with his own life or career. Focus on yourself much pal and the crappola storm you call your life? Not to mention he seems to be the hardest on anyone who is making it. He tells me how much they suck and how they always sucked since he has known them, yet when telling people how great his showcases are he claims these people who so called “suck” saying that they did his shows. It’s disgusting. I guess I want to say jealous much? Pal, you are so famous I don’t even know your name.

After that comes a woman I know from my hometown. All she does is freaking gossip. My mom saw her once in the supermarket and I was with her. This woman had a daughter who was absolutely gorgeous and was a dancer. Of course, this girl had a rival. Well anyway, both my mom and I knew the rival girl and didn’t care for her. Well she sees me and my mom and tells us her daughter’s rival got pregnant therefore wasn’t going to be pursuing a college dance scholarship. While I didn’t like the girl I didn’t rejoice in her pain. But this woman was always like this. Meanwhile she was overweight, wore bad makeup, and drove a beatup car. Not to mention she would turn on you and quote the Bible. I believe the Bible does in fact address gossipers and says, “You judge lest you be judged.”

Last on the list is actually a buddy of mine whom I hold near and dear. He is funny, engaging, and we are so close we have slept in the same bed without anything happening whatsoever. (In case you are wondering he is gay). However, he also likes to gossip. My buddy loves to dish the dirt on everyone and everything and will pump people in our inner-circle for info concerning this one or that one or what people think of him or who said this or that or whatnot. You can’t tell him anything and hope for it to be a secret, and if he worked for the CIA this whole country would be screwed, especially if he met a hot Russian spy. Well the thing with my buddy unfortunately is that he has battled addiction long and hard and is still struggling to stay clean, especially with his most recent relapse. Unfortunately, the gossipy is more than just a gay stereotype gone terribly awry, this is someone who’s insides are too painful for him to look at therefore he needs to focus on everyone else’s outsides. The gossiping he did used to plain piss me off, now I feel bad for him. Because he is using this little past time of his as an excuse not to clean up his life.

I have been guilty of gossip. Sometimes I gossip more than others. Truth be told, the times that I gossip in my life are the times I covet and want what other people have or do not feel confident in myself. When I don’t think someone deserves something it is usually me feeling jealous that it’s not me. However not every break is meant for every performer or artist, and everyone’s path is different. In the words of Josh Homer, “Enjoy the journey.” Of course the people who are making it, well if you can’t beat them join them. There is an old saying, “Stick with the winners.” It seems too many comedians are all too allergic to ambition and achievement and are reticent to do so.

Although I have been guilty of gossip, it is an ugly past time. Most of the time, when I meet a target of this aggressive covert faceless bullying, I find nine times out of ten they are hardworking, going places, and are the good person. The gossips on the other hand, not so much.

I cannot tell you how many good friends I made as a result of bad press. Love April