Thursday, March 3, 2011


Gossip is something we can’t resist. In the world of standup comedians it fills hours of endless driving on those road gigs. What comic bombed so terribly he made Nagasaki look like a mild dust storm. Or what booker is hard to deal with. Then there is what female comedian is blowing bookers and club owners for spots. Of course there are the classics. There is the story of the female comedian who instead of working on her act did things like go to church with the booker of the Comic Strip Live and she was Jewish! I don’t know how much of it was true or how much of it was idle jealous chatter. Of course then there is the litany of trashing the folks who are making it that “don’t deserve it.” Either way, when we pull into the venue I know more than I care to know about other comics. In the past I was guilty of joining in. Now my question is, what do I care?
Seriously. Some of the gossip is just plain hate induced. The comic that bombed horrifically was probably someone the gossiper had a vendetta against and it wasn’t that big of a deal. Or the booker who is hard to deal with just doesn’t like jerkoff entitled comedians, end of story. I don’t like jerkoff entitled comedians. Who the hell does? As for the slamming of the female comedians getting ahead, when a woman gets ahead in a man’s world anywhere everyone looks to knock her down. If she were a man none of this would be an issue. Then the folks making it who “don’t deserve it” maybe they are the ethnic flavor of the month or have a desired look for a project but most of the time they busted their asses getting out there. Then the long of the short of it all is the next sentence is, “If it’s true.”
One thing I notice about gossipers is that in their own lives they barely have it together therefore they have to focus on other people’s lives and their misery and pain is a bonus for these bottom feeders. I can name all the notorious gossips I know. One is a comedian who is always less than professional who runs hot and cold onstage. He is always the first to dish the latest dirt on the latest you know who. Nevermind his calendar dries up do his own shiteous behavior. Then when he tanks it’s never the fact he doesn’t write new jokes or focus on his act. Rather it is that the “audience wasn’t on his side.” Then he says certain people hate him. Well pal it’s because you have a big mouth.
Then there is a low class low rent booker who is always the first to diss on the comedians he hates. While some of what he says might be true he bitches about why he is no where with his own life or career. Focus on yourself much pal and the crappola storm you call your life? Not to mention he seems to be the hardest on anyone who is making it. He tells me how much they suck and how they always sucked since he has known them, yet when telling people how great his showcases are he claims these people who so called “suck” saying that they did his shows. It’s disgusting. I guess I want to say jealous much? Pal, you are so famous I don’t even know your name.
After that comes a woman I know from my hometown. All she does is freaking gossip. My mom saw her once in the supermarket and I was with her. This woman had a daughter who was absolutely gorgeous and was a dancer. Of course, this girl had a rival. Well anyway, both my mom and I knew the rival girl and didn’t care for her. Well she sees me and my mom and tells us her daughter’s rival got pregnant therefore wasn’t going to be pursuing a college dance scholarship. While I didn’t like the girl I didn’t rejoice in her pain. But this woman was always like this. Meanwhile she was overweight, wore bad makeup, and drove a beatup car. Not to mention she would turn on you and quote the Bible. I believe the Bible does in fact address gossipers and says, “You judge lest you be judged.”
Last on the list is actually a buddy of mine whom I hold near and dear. He is funny, engaging, and we are so close we have slept in the same bed without anything happening whatsoever. (In case you are wondering he is gay). However, he also likes to gossip. My buddy loves to dish the dirt on everyone and everything and will pump people in our inner-circle for info concerning this one or that one or what people think of him or who said this or that or whatnot. You can’t tell him anything and hope for it to be a secret, and if he worked for the CIA this whole country would be screwed, especially if he met a hot Russian spy. Well the thing with my buddy unfortunately is that he has battled addiction long and hard and is still struggling to stay clean, especially with his most recent relapse. Unfortunately, the gossipy is more than just a gay stereotype gone terribly awry, this is someone who’s insides are too painful for him to look at therefore he needs to focus on everyone else’s outsides. The gossiping he did used to plain piss me off, now I feel bad for him. Because he is using this little past time of his as an excuse not to clean up his life.
I have been guilty of gossip. Sometimes I gossip more than others. Truth be told, the times that I gossip in my life are the times I covet and want what other people have or do not feel confident in myself. When I don’t think someone deserves something it is usually me feeling jealous that it’s not me. However not every break is meant for every performer or artist, and everyone’s path is different. In the words of Josh Homer, “Enjoy the journey.” Of course the people who are making it, well if you can’t beat them join them. There is an old saying, “Stick with the winners.” It seems too many comedians are all too allergic to ambition and achievement and are reticent to do so.
Although I have been guilty of gossip, it is an ugly past time. Most of the time, when I meet a target of this aggressive covert faceless bullying, I find nine times out of ten they are hardworking, going places, and are the good person. The gossips on the other hand, not so much.
I cannot tell you how many good friends I made as a result of bad press. Love April

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