Desert Rat's Lament

My tip to Laughlin is reminiscent of the landscape of an old Western film. As I see the Joshua trees, cactus, mountains and arid terrain, I am reminded of my Pop Pop-my mother’s father-who loved cowboy movies. He watched them religiously because they had a moral, the good guys always won, and there was no nudity or bad language. There is a part of me that half expects Clint Eastwood or John Wayne or Will Rogers to ride into frame after some stagecoach robber, bank robber, horse thief or other bad guy. Just as I am picturing the gun fight in my mind, I hear the director say, “………..And CUT!”

While there is no Clint Eastwood or John Wayne in Laughlin let alone a Will Rogers, the place is trapped in time. It is a miniature version of the Las Vegas Strip, half the size and with the old kitsch parts of old Fremont Street still have. Sure, there is even a chapel if you want to elope, avoid a shot gun wedding, or do a Britney Spears 2005. Here, the clientele is not young and hip, but older. Note, you don’t need to go to a museum to see fossils, you can just go into any of the casinos here. Charley Pride is on a billboard. I don’t know who that is but they apparently do. However, I can do one thing the fossils can’t, Google.

Before I get into Googling Charley Pride I should say I barley avoided an accidental twitter war with Clint Eastwood. It was a retweet gone wrong where Mr. Eastwood tweeted at me and let me tell you Dirty Harry wasn’t happy. When challenged I backed down because you never bring a retweet to a fight with a cowboy, and I replied, “Mr. Eastwood, it is an honor and a privilege to get into a twitter war with you.” Clint Eastwood liked and retweeted. Does this useless story that helps no one get me a bigger billboard than Charley Pride?

The casino goers who aren’t fossils are wearing mullets, proving they are just reading a magazine entitled Rust Belt Hair Styles From The Late 80s, Early 90s. Growing up in the Rust Belt during that time I saw my share of mullets from out and about at the Giant Eagle and Toot ‘n’ Scoot to more formal locations like church and PTA meetings. To match this multi-purpose hairstyle, the mullet wearing casino patrons had the rather predictable American Flag t-shirts, Stars and Bars t-shirts,  Harley Davidson t-shirts, and NRA t-shirts. One mullet wearing gent even had a t-shirt with the caption,  “Fuck your feelings snowflakes.”

Translated, this is Trump country and I am probably the only Democrat who dared set foot in this slot parlor. As the dim lights, cigarette smoke, and smell of old whiskey set the scene, I can see the guy, probably in the Stars and Bars t-shirt bellowing,  “Shut up! No Blondie, we werent talking to you! We were talking to your Commie Puppet!”

That’s when a lone cowboy boot would kick the door down and a fast hand would take a pistol out and begin to twirl it. The room would stop and I would look up, and standing there to challenge me would be Clint Eastwood. Looking me dead in the eye, he would say“Are you feeling lucky, Ventriloquist Punk?”

Note to viewer, the Gaming Commission nixed that scene. So now let’s get on with the narrative, you know the one where I win money. No more time for politics, there are slots to play. DING! The satisfaction of the numbers going up. DING! DING! DING! WINNING! WINNING! WINNING!

DING! The numbers go down. DING! They go down again. DING! DING! DING! Now I am in a death spiral. LOSER! Glaring at the slot machine I say, “I hate you!”

Looking over at me are the fossils, the mullets with the American Flag t-shirts, the Stars and Bars, the Harley Davidson t-shirts, and the NRA t-shirts. Their look is not one of condemnation but rather one of sympathy and understanding. We are all in the same win/loss cycle with these machines. At this moment, politics aside, we are all losers. The machines taunt, “Fuck your feelings snowflakes!”

This picture was supposed to be a Western, and the talking machines are more a surrealist twist and production is not sure how they feel about it. Translated, time for some fresh air. Looking over the horizon of the River Walk, the sun sets behind the mountains overlooking the Colorado River, flowing wild and free as the history and people who made this region. I am now a desert rat, the lawless landscape (okay they have some laws) around me my playground and the sound of slot machines my lullaby. As my monologue concludes either Will Rogers, John Wayne, or Clint Eastwood ride into that same sunset to end the final scene. That’s when the director yells, “…….AND CUT! OKAY, THAT’S A WRAP FOR APRIL’S OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION!”

Jesus Freak (DC Talk)

This past election season I have received a lot of hate mail from The Christian Right. These men and women of God have told me to kill myself, that I deserved cancer in some instances, and even that I should die for blaspheming a man of God. (Donald Trump was that man of God).

Yesterday I got into a bit of a twitter war with right wing nut job and blogger Matt Walsh. In case you didn't know, you and Jesus would probably hate Matt. Jesus was a liberal Jew who embraced all people. Matt is an anti-Jewish, anti-gay, and anti-woman bigot. Matt is also pro-life, because why would someone so tolerant hold any other view. He blogs for The Blaze, which is where all bigoted, closed minded, fearful morons like himself flock. Apparently he is popular. That is, popular with those who can't read.

As a matter of fact, some of the brave men and women, especially the ones with the KKK avatars, follow Matt. Color me surprised.

I was first introduced to this ass clown via his facebook page. It was filled with hate of course. His followers believe all Muslims stone women and are traitors. They are all pro-lifers who want to cut social programs for single mothers whilst they terrorize women in crisis. They believe being gay and transgendered are choices, and LGBTQ people commit suicide as a cheap ploy for attention. One even went on a limb to say that rape wasn't real. Nice people. I trolled him a few times because it was fun, but gave up the ghost because it was no use. You can't fix stupid.

So yesterday the controversy began. Mike Pence apparently is not allowed to dine alone with another woman, and his wife is not allowed to dine alone with another man. WOW, Telling your significant other who they can and can't talk to. Looks like unhealthy codependency to me. Take it from someone like myself who has experienced DV.

Matt of course defended Mike Pence. Why would Matt not? He clearly knows how to treat a woman by keeping her barefoot and pregnant on his alpaca farm. Matt stated all healthy married couples didn't dine alone with members of the opposite sex. Nevermind if it was a boss or a work colleague. Or a childhood plutonic friend. Or the husband or wife of one of your friends. No. Sex was going to happen.

I told Matty McMatt Matt he was as qualified to talk about a healthy marriage as I was moon rocks. His followers, who probably chew moon rocks and wonder why they are crunchy, informed me moon rocks were not complicated. I guess that's why we have NASA because space is simple and rocket science, well that's a breeze.

Then I tweeted about combating codependency and Matt told me if I had to combat codependency then it was clear I wasn't good at marriage. Well Sherlock Holmes, while I have been in two LTRs I am not married. I told him I thanked my pagan Goddess for my freedom, because if the men on the market were like him I was screwed. Matt tweeted two asinine tweets back. Because he's stupid like that. I told him by his metric that because he was tweeting to a woman that wasn't his wife, he was having an affair. Others even came to my rescue to tell the sexually repressed Matt Walsh to stop flirting with me.

Needless to say his followers were even stupider than he was. They told me I was unsuccessful because I was single and childless, when meanwhile their marriages are so successful as they aren't allowed to talk to other people without their spouse's permission. Others also defended codependency as a good, loving thing.

Codependency is NEVER a good loving thing. Codependency kept me with a partner who was physically abusive because I believed I somehow deserved it. Codependency kept me with a mentally ill partner who, while he had a heart of gold, was irreversibly broken because of his refusal to comply with a medication regimen. Yeah, I had a role. But codependency is never a good thing. Domestic violence sometimes ends with someone dying. So when someone refuses to take meds, has violent mood swings, abuses drugs or hits you, RUN LIKE YOU SAW GODZILLA.

When I explained to someone I left because a partner was abusive, she told me I deserved to be hit. Yes, a woman of God. A church goer. YIKES!

So I lost it. I told her she was a cunt.

She responded back by telling me that I dissed the sacred institution of marriage and therefore I deserved what I got.

Yes, nice woman.

So I told her that her telling me I deserved DV was like me telling her she deserved a sick child. Needless to say seconds later, twitter blocked me.

I was in twitter jail for 12 hours. Ha ha ha.

Today Matt Walsh posted and called someone a bigot. It was a tale of the pot and the kettle. While fighting with him would have been fun, it is also a waste of time because he will always be a steaming ball of hate.

And one of his followers who reported me to twitter messaged me to let me know he did it. Now is that what Jesus would do?

Needless to say, I had a chat with a buddy who's son has severe autism and is a woman of God. She told me people who quote scriptures like that are actually from the devil and not God, which I found interesting and actually believable on a strange level. She also said evil was cowardly.

Yes, like the Matt Walsh's and his followers, so free to hate behind a keyboard and such mice in person. Cowards.

My friend also pointed out Jesus wasn't a coward. Jesus not only helped the poor, he helped the lepers, the HIV/AIDS patients of the era. He helped the widows and the people on the fringes. He helped those Matt Walsh condemns. Jesus died because he spoke out on behalf of social justice and told the truth. Jesus was brave.Jesus didn't need to hide behind a keyboard.

 These people claim to know so much yet they know so little.

That being said, I hope they all find peace, serenity, and come to know a higher power that loves them as well as anyone else.

www.AprilBrucker.TV

The Last 24

The last 24 hours have been very trippy, almost like a strange experience with acid but not quite. I have been extremely busy as of late. One getting the show mounted. Getting up. Working. Trying not to die being me. The usual.

Wednesday night I did a bud's show. I was tired but one thing is I am good on my feet. I have gotten even better this year as I have disciplined myself with my craft in a way I have not in a while. So as I performed I went on a rant about Snapped. The crowd dug it.

Needless to say someone there captured it on video. They tweeted it. The narrator of Snapped got a kick out of my little rant. Watch here https://www.facebook.com/eddie.jones.395891/videos/10155552444997814/

However, the fun on social media was just beginning. Thursday night, as I was doing some publicity for my show, I was minding my own business just tweeting something. Through my efforts I have over 20K followers and am working on getting my account verified.

Anyway, out of no where Roseanne Barr attacks me. Yes, the Roseanne. She begins ripping into me. I didn't agitate her. As I said I was minding my own business in the twittersphere. Anyway, she is attacking me for no reason. So I start to fire back just to defend myself.

As if that's not enough, she starts liking and retweeting my tweets as she is fighting with me. I am like WTF is going on. And then she just blocks one of my followers for telling her off. The bitch is off her rocker. So she calls me a troll. I tell her pot calling the kettle black. She calls me a name. I tell her that's funnier than the time she falsely accused her family of molesting her. She takes several minutes to get back to me. Yeah, I went low but she kind of deserved it. In between I also brought up her horrendous rendition of the national anthem.

After which she says something else and I remind her she's out of work, that's why she can fight with me. Then she quotes my profile, and I tell her that she was better when Tom Arnold was writing for her.

BAM!

Roseanne blocks me.

It wasn't me reminding her of her false incest claim. Nope. Not even the fact she wasn't working. It was Tom Arnold. That was the knockout punch.

Sigh. When she blocked me I tweeted, "I was just blocked by Roseanne Barr. Now I have to explain to a whole generation who Roseanne Barr is."

Today a comedian friend told me she too was blocked by Ms. Barr. I think a lot of people are. My manager said he would have been more impressed if I got into a twitter fight with someone relevant.
Still, it was kind of funny.

Only on twitter

Only in America

Only in the 21st Century.

Oh Lordy Lordy Lordy