Idiots at the Gym

I go to the gym quite a bit. Okay I am admittedly a gym rat as they say. I worked at a gym in high school. College in my junior year I lived in a building with a gym. I go to the gym every day now. But the thing is, some people don't act as they should at the Temple of Health.

I was in the weight room the other day and this dude was average height and weight. He was lifting a moderate amount of weight on the squat. Out of no where he starts grunting. WTF?!?! First off, you are not lifting enough to grunt like that. Second, did you read the sign? It says no grunting, swearing or any other obnoxious noise!!!! Am I the only one that sees this! Of course he proceeds to do it again. I am like, dear God. This hyper-masculine bullshit is really getting me down. I wanted to know what cave Mr. Neanderthal came out of. Grunt, grunt, grunt. Do you come with a club to hit your future bride with over the head you moron!!!

Then there is this other girl who, first time I ever saw her, was cavorting her way around the free weight area. She had spandex shorts and this badly dyed blonde hair. Of course she dressed trashy enough to look attractive while trying to work out. It's bad enough she ruins it for every member of my gender trying to make it the right way. Well Jiggle Bunny walks over to the squat rack and has no weight on there. She squats down far enough and sticks out her ass enough like, "Guys, I like it in the boot." I just wanted to smack that trashy ho on the ass and tell her to put some pants on her flabby rear. I also wanted to put some weight on that bar. Make the bitch work.

The last was the couple who got PDA in the free weight area. I realize you are a couple. It's great you bump uglies and may or may not procreate in the future polluting the gene pool with your miscreant genes. However, I don't need to see you two drooling all over each other and making out in the free weight area. YOU BOTH ARE DISGUSTING. NO ONE WANTS TO IMAGINE YOU NAKED.

I don't know. They are lucky I am not like Kaiser Wilhelm of Germany who used to carry a stick around and beat people who didnt act accordingly.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com

Crazy, Stupid, Pathetic Women and Why I Hate Them

I hate women who feel the need to change themselves for a man. As in empty headed things who have no original thoughts of their own. Things. Yes, I said things. They are not human. They aspire to be Stepford Wives. Do you have an original thought of your own Stepford Wife? Or are you just a pathetic drone copying someone else? Do you even have a favorite food you pathetic thing with boobs and curves? Or are you just wasting our time? I lean towards the latter.

The other day I ran into an old beau of mine. He's dating someone who is on the youngish side. I don't care. I have been robbed from the cradle plenty of times. However I was a little different because I didn't act young and didn't come across as obviously parroting a man. I had crossed paths with this teeny bopper before. She aspired to be a Broadway Star of some sort and then a pop singer and did standup for a minute before she discovered that took talent and dedication. Anyway, my ex introduced her and apparently she was quick to say she didn't like rap because it denigrated women but instead liked rock. Not to mention she also quoted something from history, from Winston Churchill. Finally at the end of the five minutes we were hanging out she made a remark against African Americans that wreaked of veiled racism. I was taken aback. This was not this chick at all. When I knew her she bopped to hip hop, probably didn't own a book, and even was dating a black dude. Then it occurred to me, she was parrotting my ex's views!!!!! My ex hates hip hop and goes on these rants about how it denigrates women. Not to mention he loves history and Winston Churchill is his personal hero. Lastly, a number of years ago he was rightfully decked  by an African American man for being out of line and since then he has been a racist. Well it's a good thing this moron is an ex. Apparently he has a weakness for feeble minded women and so far that is one thing I am not.

Of course the top of the pathetic women list are the former girlfriends of the ex fiance who went ape shit after our breakup. Old high school girlfriends, my ex wrote to them and assured them they were special. The one I had the most contempt was special. She had a kid in high school and as a result had to marry the baby daddy. Well she didn't have to, it's just that she is one of those right to life whackos and thinks all life is beautiful. So she decided that my ex was the man to rescue her. Yes the man who lives in his mother's basement. She tried to make a play when we were together. Then when we broke up he got her to write me all sorts of nasty letters. The kicker was, she called me a bitch and a bulimic and misspelled both words. But what would I expect from a woman who lists The New Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys as her favorite groups, and Z100 as her fave radio station and the Jersey Shore as her fave show? This tusker, easily over two hundred pounds, then goes as far as to go on some forum to diss me and say I was stalking my ex and that she had to block me. I didn't know about this until a friend of mine McGoogled me and asked what this idiot was talking about. I told him the story and he laughed. Maybe I should tell her to kill herself, she'll feel better. Or maybe just toss a soon to be extinct Twinkie in her fat cage, remind her that Jerry Springer is casting, and walk by with one of the Jonas Brothers with May Wilson on my arm. Then maybe she'll jump her crazy ass off of a bridge.

The winner of the most pathetic woman of all time is Dimsdale's ex. Dimsdale was a very famous comedian I had dated a little over a year ago. Actually, Dims is a legend. Anyway, he had a groupie who he had kept as one of his many gal pals who popped out his love child. After ten years of being strung along the skank magically got preggers. Well Dims, not wanting a family but wanting to be honorable sent her some dough. This whacky trainwreck, being rather greedy, demanded the child support to be tripled. Well Dimsdale severed ties with her and said he wasn't seeing the kid. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do, but I got to know both the love child and baby mama. Both talked incessantly about how Dimsdale demanded them and capitalized on him any chance they got. From the play about their courtship to trashing him in the press, they get their money's worth. Anyway, as soon as I started seeing Dimsdale I got a series of hang up calls. They were always before and after my dates with him. Sometimes when I got the calls some woman's voice would yell, "BITCH!" Then she would slam the phone down. I knew who this was. His cray cray baby mama. I ordinarily feel bad for a woman who has been screwed but she made her bed and she needs to lie in it. She had that kid as a cash cow and not only ruined Dimsdale's life but the kid that didn't ask for it. Yeah, you gave birth to your little money maker but you need to pay slut. I told my mom about this and she said that while I was dating Dims that was none of their business and what they were doing was illegal. Either way, whenever the bitch love child sees me she won't look at me. Someone feels a lil guilty? But I don't blame her as much as I blame Mommy Dearest. To do it again I would parade with Dimsdale in front of them. Add insult to injury and let her know that she was just another groupie to him and the child he didn't acknowledge, well it was all her fault too. I think she is the epitome of pathetic. Just saying.

Sigh. Not a fan of pathetic women. From women who change for a man, to women who do a man's dirty work, to crazies who won't let go. They make having a uterus seem like such a terrible thing.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
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