Love Is In the Air (John Paul Young)

A little over two years ago, I ended a relationship with a partner who was mentally ill. When it dissolved into chaos as these things typically do with a person who refuses to seek treatment and self-medicates with narcotics, I found myself feeling like my heart had been ripped out of my chest.

Combat related PTSD is a hard nut to wrap. Civilian shinks have a hard time treating it let alone understanding it. The VA can help them, but it's badly handled and backed up. Not to mention lots of times vets hate hospitals and like many trauma sufferers, prefer being homeless because being homeless means not having to face their triggers.

My support system was amazing. I went from wanting to smash everything in the room to crying all the time over his loss. A bad relationship is like a limb with gangrene. You know you need to lose it to live, but you want to fight to keep your arm even if there are maggots crawling out of it. One friend in particular said it best, "April, he's your knight of shining armor in a suit of armor that he stole!"

When my ex left, things initially sucked. They always do. But then I discovered a renewed love for comedy. I was studying joke writing like I never had before. I was pounding open mics like a young comedian who had never been on TV, and if she was she was standing on her friend's TV set. I was watching films of old master ventriloquists. I also developed Donald J. Tramp.

I also began to explore life on my own. This was scary but this also meant not being chained to a rock. While a partner can be a rock in a good way they can also weigh you down. This meant going to the RNC as a spokes person for an anti-Trump group, being credentialed press at the debates, and work shopping a one woman show. This also meant mastering releasing a body positive book, a line of merchandise, mastering full body puppetry, and applying for my dream MFA program in creative writing.

I would have been doing none of these things if I was still with my ex. Instead, I would have been a full time caretaker to a partner who refused to seek treatment. I would have continued to justify my codependency at the sake of my own self-preservation and sanity. I would have been "that woman."

I have a great support system around me. Whether it's my mom who gives my phone number and email address to strangers bragging about my status as a celestial being. Or my two straight male housemates who are dedicated to their art and families. Or my wonderful peeps from my Monday night acting class who love comedy as much as I do. Or my friend's from the stand-up world who agonize over every punchline. Or my friends from ACT UP who are as passionate about queer politics and queer identity as I am. Or my friends from my haunted house who I miss dearly and chat with on facebook and instagram. Or my friends from my master's program who are passionate about social justice and the written word like I am. Or my friends who remembered to say Happy Valentine's Day. Or my friends who laugh at my jokes. Or my one friend in particular who sent me flowers and listens to all my dreams no matter how stupid they are. Or my boss who lets me chase my dreams and pays me and hasn't fired me yet. Or my favorite Marine or favorite Mass-hole or favorite Frank Logan or favorite anyone and everyone.

I don't need a label to define me in any way, shape, or form. Whether it is this, that, or the other. I don't have to label the way I live or love as long as I am safe and happy.

I wish the same for you, too.

10 Pieces of Advice For Dealing With Negative People

Yes, negative people. We all know them. The energy sucks and drains that try to snatch our spirit and steal whatever other sunlight we have in our souls. They are just awful in every way, and have no redeeming qualities. Often, we leave feeling depleted of any vitamins and minerals, and wonder why we want to punch a wall.

Here are ten ways we can fight back:

1. Wear A Watch- Yeah, here is that energy suck trying to engage you in conversation yet again. However, now you can take control of the situation. Look at your watch, apologize, and tell them you have an appointment. Yeah, it's a lie. But any destination is better than listening to the garbage these folks spew on the reg.

2. Fight Fire With Water- When dealing with a negative person you can't quite extricate yourself from, turn the diss or gossip session into something positive. For example, when they rip Sally Jones apart, say Sally has always been nice to you, or point out a strength she has. That kills the virus right quick.

3. Don't Feed In- Sometimes a negative individual will go out of there way to start conflict and needle you. Don't make a snide remark, although it is tempting. Instead, don't feed in. The opposite of love is not hate, but rather apathy. If you don't care, they will find a new target.

4. Keep Your Side of the Street Clean- Sometimes, a negative person is so problematic they make you crazy. It's them and not you. However, you have control over how you act. They do not pull your strings. Remember that while it is them, it's on you to behave like the bigger, better person.

5. Use The Block Button- The internet is the home for any and all negative people, and it gives their moron muscle balls of steel. It's easy to get sucked in. Knowing this, if they step over the line use the block button. It kills any and all conflict in your path, and also the chaos continues. They can say whatever they want afterwards, but it only makes them look worse and you look better.

6. Maintain A Bottom Line- These individuals are disconcerting, and more often than not are bullies. When dealing with them, set up a firm boundary about what makes you comfortable and what doesn't. If they step over the line, kindly let them know. If they see they cannot push you around, they will stop and find someone new to make their punching  bag.

7. Remove Yourself- Sometimes a negative person pushes you so hard you do want to physically retaliate. That is when you need to either fake a stomach ache and leave, or go to the bathroom and splash water on your face. This will help you get some peace, quiet, and return to sanity.

8. Know You Aren't Alone-When someone is overwhelmingly negative, their Mr. Yuck is almost always universal. Where there is smoke, there is fire. So know while they are mean and nasty, it's not just to you, it's everyone. That won't make it so personal.

9. Get Legal If Need Be- Sometimes, a person can be so problematic you have to get the law involved, and that is the only boundary they understand. If their harassment and terrible behavior are disrupting your peace of mind and safety, go to the police. It is what they are there for.

10. Have Compassion-Some people are harder to love than others. A negative person might be one who is easy to murder in your mind. But know that unfortunately, people are the way they are for a reason, good or bad. Also, maybe this person has mental health issues and isn't getting the proper medication or treatment. Hope the universe in whatever fashion sends them peace and guides them towards happiness, because while they disrupt you, ultimately they do the most harm to themselves.

Hope I helped someone

xoxox
www.aprilbrucker.com