10 Pieces of Advice For Dealing With Negative People

Yes, negative people. We all know them. The energy sucks and drains that try to snatch our spirit and steal whatever other sunlight we have in our souls. They are just awful in every way, and have no redeeming qualities. Often, we leave feeling depleted of any vitamins and minerals, and wonder why we want to punch a wall.

Here are ten ways we can fight back:

1. Wear A Watch- Yeah, here is that energy suck trying to engage you in conversation yet again. However, now you can take control of the situation. Look at your watch, apologize, and tell them you have an appointment. Yeah, it's a lie. But any destination is better than listening to the garbage these folks spew on the reg.

2. Fight Fire With Water- When dealing with a negative person you can't quite extricate yourself from, turn the diss or gossip session into something positive. For example, when they rip Sally Jones apart, say Sally has always been nice to you, or point out a strength she has. That kills the virus right quick.

3. Don't Feed In- Sometimes a negative individual will go out of there way to start conflict and needle you. Don't make a snide remark, although it is tempting. Instead, don't feed in. The opposite of love is not hate, but rather apathy. If you don't care, they will find a new target.

4. Keep Your Side of the Street Clean- Sometimes, a negative person is so problematic they make you crazy. It's them and not you. However, you have control over how you act. They do not pull your strings. Remember that while it is them, it's on you to behave like the bigger, better person.

5. Use The Block Button- The internet is the home for any and all negative people, and it gives their moron muscle balls of steel. It's easy to get sucked in. Knowing this, if they step over the line use the block button. It kills any and all conflict in your path, and also the chaos continues. They can say whatever they want afterwards, but it only makes them look worse and you look better.

6. Maintain A Bottom Line- These individuals are disconcerting, and more often than not are bullies. When dealing with them, set up a firm boundary about what makes you comfortable and what doesn't. If they step over the line, kindly let them know. If they see they cannot push you around, they will stop and find someone new to make their punching  bag.

7. Remove Yourself- Sometimes a negative person pushes you so hard you do want to physically retaliate. That is when you need to either fake a stomach ache and leave, or go to the bathroom and splash water on your face. This will help you get some peace, quiet, and return to sanity.

8. Know You Aren't Alone-When someone is overwhelmingly negative, their Mr. Yuck is almost always universal. Where there is smoke, there is fire. So know while they are mean and nasty, it's not just to you, it's everyone. That won't make it so personal.

9. Get Legal If Need Be- Sometimes, a person can be so problematic you have to get the law involved, and that is the only boundary they understand. If their harassment and terrible behavior are disrupting your peace of mind and safety, go to the police. It is what they are there for.

10. Have Compassion-Some people are harder to love than others. A negative person might be one who is easy to murder in your mind. But know that unfortunately, people are the way they are for a reason, good or bad. Also, maybe this person has mental health issues and isn't getting the proper medication or treatment. Hope the universe in whatever fashion sends them peace and guides them towards happiness, because while they disrupt you, ultimately they do the most harm to themselves.

Hope I helped someone

xoxox
www.aprilbrucker.com

Living in Pause

The other day I was having a business convo about a project that turned into an all out text war. It began with me telling my partner Hondo that I was going to see a place we were possibly filming in. The locale is exclusive and it is a ton of money we don't have to get in. So I decided to go in through a back door way. It's not that kind of back door sickos, relax. Anyway, initially it is not what my boy wanted because he didn't want his people to pay a cover charge, but the space has been on TV numerous times. After posturing the other day at the diner, he finally gave in to this place as my backup plan.

So yesterday I went to see it. I messaged him beforehand inviting him. He said he had to work. Okay, whatever. Then he mentioned he might be able to get out to join me. At our previous meeting he stated that sometimes he believed this whole thing was becoming The April Show. I figured okay, you have stuff going on. I was just taking the lead, Hondo. Well Hondo asked what time I was going to leave and I told him soon. Then Hondo had the nerve to ask me to hold off. I am like the White Rabbit, early for everything. I hate being late. This drove me crazy.

Then my contact at the place emailed me to move the meeting. I texted Hondo. Could he come? It was later. That is when Hondo stated he could not come later, and began to tell me what to ask for. I am one of those people who doesn't like being ordered around. Needless to say, we were both in that mind frame where we both wanted to be right and we both wanted to win. Suddenly April the Business Woman went out the window and the little girl inside of me was screaming, "You're not the boss of me!" That is when we began to go at it via text. I started by disagreeing peacefully but I wanted to win and so did he. Now I was going for blood. There is some mechanism in me that likes to fight, especially with men.

Maybe it was the fact my dad and I butted heads so much growing up. It's not that it was that we were so different. We were so much alike. We are strongly opinionated and love the history channel. It was the way we bonded. But when we went at it, neither one of us would back down. Sometimes it is better to be happy than to be right, but damnit we both want to be right.Of course, my dad's whole immediate family is this way. We all joke it is best never to discuss politics at a Brucker Family Gathering. I will say though, the discussions my dad and I have are lively because we are both so impassioned, and my aunts and uncles, although we differ, are well informed.

 I think while this dynamic works for my relationship with my dad, it doesn't work a well in the dating world. So perhaps this is why I gravitate towards hyper-masculine dudes with no brain, feelings, but tempers like hell fire. Don't worry though, I can handle myself. I used to say the same thing with the former fiance. Even when things got bad, I could handle myself. At least so I thought. But now I was butting heads again and had to win. That is when the emoticons came out and all hell broke loose.

Something tells me before this all began we were both a little stressed and perhaps woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I have been working like a Mexican, and have been so tired some days I wake up feeling like the room is spinning. Hondo is soon to get married so he is running around like an African from wedding appointment to wedding appointment. Usually, he doesn't mind when I slam dudes in my weekly blog but this week he felt the need to let me know my perception of men was "skewed." Did I mention my mother sent me the "Call me when you wake up" text. I love the woman but don't send me those unless there is a death in the family. I can't have a convo especially when I am McStressed and crazy. Nonetheless, it was only 11 when this began and I was already tired, angry, and wanting blood.

 I began to end my sentences with a smiley face. When I start making my points and ending them with a smiley face it is my way of saying "Fuck you mutherfucker." And then one smiley face became two, became three, became four. Eventually I guess the fight came to a draw because Hondo did the adult thing and stopped responding. Of course this is after I accused him of having an overblown male ego and not pulling his weight. Of course I was fired up. HOW THE HELL COULD HE STOP RESPONDING WHEN I WAS ON FIRE! I hadn't even started calling, cussing, swearing, or typing in all caps yet.

That is when something in me said, "Put down the phone, April." So I decided to stop texting, shouted a shitload of profanities, and went for a walk.

I did and went for a walk. As I was fuming walking down the street I saw a friend of mine who works in a car lot. He noticed I looked like I was going to deck someone. I ended up telling him what happened. We agreed shit happened. And he told me to take some time, cool down, and talk to my buddy again. I thought about it, Hondo is like a brother to me. If something would happen to him I would be supremely upset. Not to mention if it happened before we got to talk and make up then I would be really upset. From a business stand point, Hondo had also made some good points. He has been on the other side of this. So I would bring up his concerns when I came to see the space. Not to mention if Hondo is going to be a part of this I want him to be happy. Not only is he my friend and is this a team effort, but also he will work better.

I also spoke to some other friends, one being an accomplished composer, who said that letting go of the control over one's career can be hard. Not to mention especially when you both think you're right. I started to col down significantly. I would ask about what Hondo wanted when I went to see the space. The worst that could happen was we brought our business elsewhere. Walking to see it and meet with the people went from my mission as Career Minded Woman to now a rock in my stomach. I was dizzy from being so fired up and frankly drained. Now I no longer wanted to be right, I wanted some sleep.

I went to see the space and brought up Hondo's concerns and suggestions. To my pleasant surprise, we ended up having an open, honest, and business orientated dialogue about how this all could be possible. At the end of the conversation, we spoke about us renting the smaller room and therefore our people not paying a cover. And as far as rent goes, while we don't have a final amount it is much more workable. The bar would be open and drinks would be served to our guests. While it is not final yet, this is a compromise that all could be happy with. I texted Hondo and he seemed happy. I also left him a nice message.

I also realized that while a beautiful, famous space is nice, it's not everything. It's not the end of the world if we don't get it. Hell, there are other beautiful, nice, spaces in the city. So far we have a good team. Looking at it from a wider angle, I think Hondo has some excellent points. Sometimes though, for as much as I want to win all the time it is better for everyone to be happy. Sometimes you have to take that breath, put down the damn phone, and live in pause.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com

A Ghandi Blog

We all know them. Unfortunately the entertainment industry is chalk full of them. Yes, people who are troubled. Apparently all insurance does not cover therapy so here they are fucking with our time and energy. As in, if they put the energy into the drama onstage that they did into real life they would all be winning Oscars. McSeriously.

I recently had a run in with a negative attention seeker. This young woman made my winter-spring very eventful to say the least. The current girlfriend of an ex of mine, who became literally obsessed with making my life a nightmare for God knows whatever reason. A lot of it has to do with the fact that this woman is unfortunately an alcoholic and a drug addict. I don't think she is sober for more than an hour a day. So basically she is very sick. In addition, she keeps a blog of sorts maintaining she had some sort of tough childhood with some sort of bizarre mother. Maybe she did. Maybe she didn't. A lot of it sounds like a mix of fabricated and a spoiled, entitled child blaming everyone but herself for her problems. Addict behavior if you will.

I have every right to hate this young woman. She has slandered me in public. Not only has she accused me of trying to cause problems with her and my ex (have not seen him in years and don't want to), but also has accused me of stalking her which is freaking laughable. However, I will point out that she copied several lines of my writing and tried to submit them as her own. Not to mention everytime I put up a youtube video she followed suite. When I did a show at a venue she worked at, she ripped down my posters to ensure no one would show up. After that, she made a series of hang up calls to me and blocked her number. On one she called me a bitch and told me to stay away from her boyfriend. Oh, and when I went platinum blonde so did she. When I low lighted my hair she went dark as well. And then the best part is, when I released a book suddenly she announced plans to release a book. The bitch doesn't even write. I guess the best was when the Queen of the Chemically Dependents released a video where she and her friends were beating the head in of a girl named April who was a "poser that had famous friends and a rich father." (Hmmmm, wonder where they got that complaint).

There is a part of me that wanted to beat her head in. I will not lie. However those around me reminded me of how sick she was and to let her go.

Well Ms. Wannabe has struck again. In addition to claiming I have no career, which is laughable because the closest she will ever get to my TV credits is seeing them in her living room, she is claiming I am harassing her again. I have not seen this thing in months!!! I wouldn't know about this except my friends relayed the story. She fabricated this story about how I am a mean girl who is making her life miserable. Oh and she also says I tormented her about her past. I did no such thing. She's insane. She's the one who was harassing me and wouldn't stop. This bitch is twisted.

However, on another level these days I am not so angry at her. Actually I feel terribly for her. She is a drug addict and an alcoholic. Her life is very small and very lonely. She is in a relationship with someone who is either enabling her or refuses to acknowledge she needs serious help. That lifestyle is not kind to women. The only road ahead of her is one of pain and suffering. Everytime I get an update on her she is either getting in trouble for drinking again, or whenever I am forced to look at her picture, she is bloated as hell.

While those around me tell me I should be flattered she copies me, it makes me cringe because it is a testament to how truly mentally ill she is. My life has not been easy. Yeah, I have made some career headway but I have paid dearly for being myself. While this is true, April Brucker is the only person I can be. I cannot be Mae West, I cannot be Marilyn Monroe, and I cannot be Madonna. Hell it would be nice to be Cyndi Lauper. But I am myself. We all have our own gifts. Trying to have someone else's is just desperate and pitiful. Not to mention I will admit, Ms. Wannabe is the better singer. She's can't write her way out of a paper bag but she can sing. But that's her gift. Shame on her for not running with it.

Seeing someone you hate look worse and worse should make you happy. Seeing someone you hate fall down the rabbit hole should make you happy. However, this doesn't make me happy. This makes me pity her even more. I know first hand how damaging addiction can be. I have had friends who died as a result of drug use, all wonderful and bright people buried with their boots on. I know the loneliness of being with someone who doesn't want to see you well and to be trapped in a codependent cycle. For as much as I hate what she is doing, I actually don't hate the person. My heart goes out to her on so many levels.

I guess my hope is that she finds a way out of the black hole she is in, where the nightmarish lies she tells herself is safer than the harmless truth of the outside world. I also hope God protects others from her lashing out, but most importantly, her from herself.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com

Dead Babies: A Brucker Family Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving with my family went smoothly for the most part. Our last evening out included seeing the new James Bond and going to Hibachi. The trip to Hibachi looked as if it was going to be a disaster. The waitress brought my father cold saki. When she finally warmed it up, the grill man, an Asian by the name of Charlie, began to do his magic. My dad, ever the germophobe remarked, "Could you clean that grill a little more over there?" My brother Wendell and I exchanged a glance. My Pops did not. But yes he did. Charlie however was a good sport. As the warm saki eased into my father's system he became jovial. During the course of having dinner cooked in the middle of the table Charlie was squirting saki into the mouths of the patrons. My dad was eager, so eager that he took a squirt for almost a minute. My dad became Charlie's biggest fan. He gave the saki chef a standing O and then a nice monetary reward. Age has changed my dad for the better. He votes Democrat, goes to Springsteen concerts, and even supports my dreams as an artist. Not to mention he is a college professor, loves his students, and his students love him in return. He talks about the young people making it the right way. Back in the day he voted Republican, hated Springsteen, and told me to "get a real job." I got my Pops one of my books too. He loves it so far. The man has changed for the better in sixty years.

So has my brother Wendell. At the Hibachi Wendell sat next to his wife Veronique. They shared sushi and kisses. As they have aged they have calmed down, but when they first started dating it was bizarre. In  high school Wendell had been a football player, a shot putter, and a power lifter and had been a champion at all three. In college he had been captain of his football team. His favorite movies were anything with violence. Now it is whatever his wife likes. They still watch violent movies but she falls asleep and magically wakes up when they put a chick flick on. Wendell is finishing medical school with an MD/PhD and is currently working with transgendered kids at a free clinic in his town. He likes the work and is good with this population. Wendell treats them medically but also treats them like people, something the world fails to do. I was impressed by my brother. He has come a long way. Much like my father, in his thirty years he has changed for the better.

Some things, however, never change.

Once every holiday Wendell and my father have their mandatory fight. Usually it is because my brother Wendell says something and my father gets on a soapbox and won't back down. Instead of just letting it die Wendell keeps the issue alive, but my father is on his soapbox and must be heard and Wendell must fire back. There is screaming and yelling and usually awkward stares muffled with silent laughter from my mother, sister Skipper, and his wife Veronique. Happy holidays. This year was no different.

My sister in law Veronique was talking to her brother Pierre who is currently a medical resident. Pierre had lost a patient and was taking it hard. Veronique knew about loss because she is a child cancer specialist and occasionally loses young patients herself. Loss and death are hard. I have been to many a funeral where the person in the casket left a good looking corpse and it isn't easy on anyone. Wendell filled us in and said it was best not to ask. Skipper would have agreed except she was not in the mood to talk. She was doing what she was doing best, sleeping. This was after of course she put the DVD of Cowboy Del Amour: The Ivan Thompson Story in the player.

The fight then started. This is how the exchange went:

Wendell: Well Dad, Pierre is taking the loss of the patient hard. Veronique knows. They lost a baby at her clinic. So it's probably best not to bring it up when she comes downstairs.

Dad: I work in law enforcement with the prosecutor. Parents get upset when they lose children. The law gets involved because we have to. But babies die all the time.

Wendell: I know, and a baby died at her clinic.

Dad: Babies die all the time.

Wendell: Dad, that's not the point.

Dad: Babies die all the time.

Wendell: Dad-

Dad: Babies die all the time!

Wendell: That doesn't make it right.

Dad: I work in law enforcement. I see it quite a bit. Babies die all the time!

Wendell: That doesn't make it right!

Dad: Babies die! Babies die!

Wendell: I know babies die but it's not okay to have babies die!

Dad: Well babies die all the time! Babies die!

Now those two are arguing and it is getting awkward. Skipper has awoken to witness the fight. Ivan Thompson is on screen with some hopeless soul. My mother is just letting this roll possibly for her own amusement. I am trying not to laugh because they are just going back and fourth. It is the Scorpio father on a soapbox and the Gemini child who just won't get it. Finally I have had enough.

Me: Hey guys, see Ivan Thompson on the screen? He is fixing people up so that they can make living, healthy babies.

My father and Wendell still are not hearing me.

Wendell: Dad, you arent getting it.

Dad: You arent getting it. Babies die.

Me: Guys, look at all the living, healthy people who want to find love on the screen in this documentary. Much like us they were once healthy babies who grew into healthy adults.

Wendell is starting to defuse. There is hope. My father is on a roll though.

Dad: Babies die.

Me: Dad, one more word and that will be on the menu for Christmas.

My dad has finally gotten it. We all begin to watch Ivan Thompson try to find a bride for some reject in Mexico. The man has paid ten thousand dollars. My father and brother have shifted their focus on making fun of this man. We are a happy family once again.

But seriously, I am putting dead babies on the Christmas menu. They go quite well with stuffing and gravy.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
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Come to my signing
DEember 27, 2012 @ 7pm
Bethel Park Library
5100 W. Library Ave
Bethel Park, PA