Photo of the Week

I'm like fine wine. I get better looking every day since I left my ex.

Photo of the Week

Ex: You act like there was never anything between us. How can you do that?!
Me: It's not as hard as you think. 
Ex: So now you're gonna dog me?
Me: Nah, dogs are loyal.

Breaking Up With Gel

Last summer I fell in love.

My life had hit the skids. I was on round who knows of a never ending breakup with my former partner, who's mentally ill. My mom and I were fighting a ton. And I was having money problems. So I needed to make myself feel better. That's when I got a gel manicure for the first time.

I instantly became addicted as my nails lasted for upwards of three weeks to a month. They didn't crack. I looked cute. So it was a pleasure to shill out the dough for the powder.

When the gel nails came, it felt like I had come to life in a whole new way. I got off my ass and applied and got into to a grad program I had wanted to attend for years, and found a way to pay for it myself. I began to rehearse and revise my one woman show in a way I never had, and entered The Lady and President Tramp in festivals. I released April Unwrapped, and much to my mother's chagrin began to post sexy pictures. I renewed my health insurance. I began to officially call myself a headlining comedian. I pitched my book to an agent who's shopping it. I returned to legit acting and acting class. I recorded a voiceover demo and am a regular cast member of a radio drama. I became head editor of a genre for my school's lit magazine, the number one student lit magazine in the nation. I became involved in ACT UP and other activism. I mastered full body puppetry. I took my ventriloquism to the next level.

I became more truthful about my labels in my life, too. I began to put up serious boundaries with my mentally ill ex, and told people willing to give me an update on him that none was necessary. I began to cut toxic people out of my life. I began to be a decent friend, sister, and daughter.

I thought these gel nails gave me this super power to be the April I had always wanted to be: tough, powerful, and determined.

I...........

The gel made me feel pretty. Yet my nails were starting to look raggedy as heck. The gel would come lose and particles and dirt got trapped underneath. The gel would crack and it would hurt. The gel would make my fingers feel suffocated and begin to itch and burn. My nails became brittle and frail. All because of my obsession with the feeling this gel gave me.

Overtime the manicures started to work less and less. The nails started to pop off after a week and a half. I went to one lady and she was having a break up with her man and nearly sheered my cuticle off with her machine of death. Then I could never decide on a color. And when I did machine of death lady told me how wrong I was. This was after she scraped my gel off with a metro card and I started to cry because the gel bonded to my nail.

As of this week, gel and I are saying bye for a minute. They are staying on less and costing me more. They crack and it's a freaking medical emergency when they do. They are making my nails brittle. They aren't worth it.

I use I and they like we are two opposing forces.

Really, what made me move forward was myself. It wasn't a stupid manicure but me all along. I know that sounds nuts, but damn it's true.

In stepping away from gel, it makes me realize how much my ex, my health issues, hair loss and other things fucked with my psyche. The nails were the pick me up when I needed them, but I don't need them any more. I thought I was over that bullshit only to pick up more bullshit. I suppose it's the addict or the masochist in me. Hell if I know.

Right now I am back to regular polish. I feel dressed down, humbled, and a little like a crack ho. But I also know this is where I need to be right now with my neuroses, first world entitlement and other nonsense.

I can still move forward and be myself. My vanity just needs to take a rest. I will probably do gel in another few months. But right now, the nails need a break. I need to give myself a break too.

Gel or not, I am good enough gosh darnit!

April Brucker

Acting Etc........

Lately I have been making a return to the stage. For years my life has been dedicated to the pursuit of stand up comedy, ventriloquism, and writing. When I did act it was on film and television. I wouldn't have considered myself a stage actress although my bachelors was in acting.

After college, I did audition for summer stock. But I kind of gave up on the whole stage acting thing because it doesn't pay unless you are on Broadway. The Equity stuff that does pay is in regional theater outside of New York. So I figured I would put it on the back burner. While it was a dream deferred, my heart still ached for the live theatre.

The year of 2017 saw me doing a decent amount of modeling, but the television opportunities that came my way were nothing short of disappointing. I lost one due to a conflict and another because it just wasn't meant to be. Other things also weren't meant to be either.

Then I got the chance to do a live show in a haunted house where I worked with full body puppets. The pay wasn't the greatest but it was steady. Not only did I enjoy my fellow actors and puppeteers, but it helped me get back into the groove of doing a run of a live show again.

This Easter I am in a production of The Crucifixion with the Family Rep. We have two Jesus's, one is a black break dancer and the other is a woman of color. Judas is a black man who sings country. And then I am Simon Peter. We are helping to make one of the greatest stories ever told representative of people other than white Christians. We are giving Christians of color a voice, but most importantly queer Christians a voice.

With The Family I also did a play reading where my character had a secret. The role was funny, quirky, and deep. If allowed the chance, I would like to do it again when the one acts are presented in full form.

I am also now part of a one man show from a comic who I adore. I am his "dream girl." (More to come later).

I am also staging my one woman show which is becoming more and more theatrical and less and less standupish.

While this return to the stage has been a surprise it has also been a wonderful one at that. I am a better listener, and it is helping to inform both my standup ad my writing.

What will come next? Hell if I know. But these New York stage credits, I kind of like em.

buy my shiz

Denise Richards Piggy Backs Off Ex-Again

Denise Richards is only good for one thing, being easy on the eyes. Aside from the fact that she can't act and is only really good for popping out babies, she is yet again piggybacking off of her ex-husband's fame. Denise, who has been out of work for sometime, is going to the press to discuss her ex-hubbie Charlie Sheen's anger management.

I had sympathy for Denise until a few years ago, after restraining orders against Mr. Sheen, she crawled back to him and asked to use his frozen sperm because she wanted another baby. Translated, she was trying to stay tied to Charlie so she could keep working. I mean, I saw her in Wild Things and James Bond. As an actress she has the range or Tori Spelling. But my question is, bitch, if you want another baby why not let another man knock you up? You are cute enough.

Either way, I don't like her and I think this latest attempt to talk to the press is utterly cheap and low. Denise Richards is to Hollywood is what herpes is to a college student, a painful sore that goes away but always shows it's face again.

"I have no talents aside from being Mrs. Charlie Sheen. I would show you how I can act in this audition but I don't act that well."