Photo of the Week

I'm like fine wine. I get better looking every day since I left my ex.

Photo of the Week

Happy Memorial Day. Having a happy beach day (in my mind)

Photo of the Week

Setting: My Nightmare.

Me: Dad?!

Producer: No, for the last time, the word is Daddy!

Me: No. My Dad is standing right there. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Towel Juggling

DING DONG!” You're just getting out of the shower and you have unexpected company. Is it the pizza that you ordered more than an hour ago, which you know darn well is now free? Maybe it’s the acceptance letter from the school of your dreams. Or perhaps it’s Publisher’s Clearinghouse with that big check. As you sprint to the door, there’s only one problem: Your towel. As you Kramer-slide to the door, you fear the worst as the towel starts to slide towards the floor. Reaching for the door knob, nightmares flash through your mind. You're about to bare your soul and so much more to the ex-con pizza delivery guy. The mailman might want to deliver more than just a letter. And Publisher’s Clearinghouse will have a camera crew; good luck explaining that to mom. Fear not! Actress and comedienne April Brucker has the perfect solution that will save your brass, butt and bosom all at the same time: The Art of Towel Juggling! Give it a try and post your towel juggling video (Tag: Towel Juggling). Who knows? Towel juggling contests just might replace Spring break wet t-shirt contests! For more on April Brucker, visit her official website: http://AprilBrucker.TV.

Posters, Calendars, and Books, Oh MY!

December is the time for ho, ho, ho. And there are some folks that are going to be calling me that. All shitty jokes aside, Cyber Monday is here and why don't you unwrap some of me this holiday season:

Here is a calendar of yours truly. Perfect for the hardy heterosexual male who wants to keep track of important dates and times. And perfect for any of my ex boyfriends. However fellas hide it from your wife. You know she doesn't like me. 

Buy Here

April in the morning, April in the evening, April at supper time. When you can have April on a t-shirt you can have April anytime

Buy Here

Maybe you need to accessorize your college dorm room or man cave. And if you are a wife or girlfriend who doesn't like me, your dartboard. What I am trying to say is, I sell posters, too. Also, this poster would be okayed by any prison warden anywhere. What I am trying to say is, send one to any of my ex boyfriends that might be guests of the state or federal government this holiday season. No one ought to be alone on Christmas. 

Buy here

Perhaps you are aware I wrote a body positive book. If you want a woman who thinks out of the box you have both book and poster options for your pleasures. Note, this is not prison approved, so if you want to send one to an ex of mine, send it to one who's currently a fugitive. 

Buy Poster Here

Buy Book Here

Do you like President Donald J. Tramp? Well you can be liberal and conservative at the same time by wearing him on a t-shirt. 

Buy Here

I work as a singing telegram girl in the Big Apple. Want to sip some whiskey and read about my adventures/bad decision my holiday season? For the record, this is my mother's favorite thing on the list because I am fully clothed. 

Buy Here

Merch Item of the Week

Hey guys, your favorite Superfoxxx is now selling merch. That's right, you can buy an April Unwrapped T-shirt. (Yipee!)

You can have April in the morning
April in the evening
April at supper time
When you can have April on a t-shirt
You can have April anytime!!!!!

Order Here


And here is my pic of the week. I know, wanna shoot my billiards.

Also, do not forget to mark your calendars, on November 16 The Lady and President Tramp is part of the Solonova festival at The PIT Loft. Hope to see yins guys there xoxo

Until then I will be at Horseman's Hollow Haunted House in the Den of the Wailing Woman puppeting. Priscilla and I hope to see you there this October 26-31.

10. “Wow…..still living in your mom’s basement. Nice to see you believe in consistency.”

9. “Your kid is growing wiser and smarter. Not only is he on the honor roll, but it didn’t take him very long to figure out you were a loser.”

8. “You gained weight. But at least you’ll be ready to hibernate for winter. Wait, you hibernate every day because you don’t have a job.”

7. “You want your shit? I threw it away. I thought about selling it but it’s worthless just like you are.”

6. “I think it’s crazy you wanted me to wait for you until you got out of prison. Because when you were away, we both cheated with the nearest man who would listen to us.”

5. “I don’t want to be friends with you. You’re like used toilet paper. You’re ultimately good for nothing, make everyone uncomfortable, and a reminder that I sometimes make shit choices.”

4. “You relapsed on heroin? I’m so proud of you. It meant for once in your life you had a goal, got off your ass, and took some action.”

3. “I’m supposed to be jealous of your new girl? Honey, you are her problem now. And when she sees you sleep with the light on because you are afraid of the dark and answer to your mother there are no throw backs here.”

2. “Your new lady seems so sweet. Now tell me, how long did it take you to move in and try to live rent free? Just curious.”

1. “Who are you again? You look familiar but I can’t quite place you.” 

Bonus Disses aka Honorable mentions:

A: "Your family and friends are hassling me because they think I ruined your life. That is the only time you got off your ass and did something for yourself. They say they want you to do well. When I was 6 I wanted my dad to get me a pony and we didn't. Looks like we're on the same program there."

B. "I dumped you. But my mom's disappointed. It's not because you were so wonderful, she thinks you're a loser. She just always taught me to think for myself and never follow a crowd."

C. "Your best friend wanted me to sleep with him after you left. Even he doesn't like you. But he eclipses you in one way, he's a bigger loser than you. I didn't think that was possible. Granted, I hate myself for loving you but not enough to sleep with your idiot sidekick."

www.AprilBrucker.TV

April Unwrapped: My Naked Dreams Revealed

I Love LA (Gary Newmann) aka Monday Photo of the Day

It was this time last year I was headed to LA for the first time. My mentor and I were walking the Hollywood walk of Fame and seeing the gift shops. I had never been to LA, and therefore as a New Yorker kept comparing it to New York.

It's a force of habit. Everything gets compared to New York. Even your damn grandmother gets compared to New York. Yes, New York is more uban and gritty. LA is more urban sprawl with it's seedy areas being very seedy. The people in New York are fuck off to your face. The people in LA are fuck off behind your back. You know, East Coast, West Coast throw those gang signs bae.

When we got to Farmer's Market he finally put his foot down. While he's very mild mannered, this comparing New York to LA was getting on his nerves. He finally said, "Stop comparing the two. Let New York be New York and let LA be LA."

Just then his phone rang. He got a notice that one of the alphabet agencies wanted to meet with us. It meant nothing, but it was still exciting. But what was I going to wear. My romper was cute, but it was too informal and made me look like they dragged me off the street to the meeting. The dress I wore the night before to The Magic Castle was glamorous, but it would have been too dressy for this meeting.

Immediately, my mentor took me to a gift shop hoping to find a nice, middle of the line sun dress. We didn't find that but we found an oversized t-shirt. Either the person this t-shirt was designed for was very large or I am very tiny, because this fit me perfectly as a dress.

Needless to say, we went to the meeting on Wilshire Boulevard. While they did not scoop me up right there the door is still open. Life is good. At least I got a cute outfit out of the whole deal.

Buy my book