10 Things I Know For Sure

1. It takes more than 3 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop.

2. Say what you will about Trump, but he owns Jeb Bush like a little bitch when they debate. I want to buy Jeb a drink, but still wouldn't want to be his friend.

3. Anyone who smokes pot is really just an insider on government conspiracies and this is their way of hiding it so they don't get caught.

4. Bernie Sanders is not related to Colonel Sanders, the KFC guy.

5. UFOs always make the same mistake, stop abducting from trailer parks. Then maybe you will find intelligent life.

6. A fetus is always front and center in any and every election. And that lazy blob of DNA has yet to jump out of it's mother's uterus. What an entitled brat!

7. My mom has psychic powers. She always knows when I need socks and underwear.

8. When Charlie Sheen tells you to get it together, that's not just rock bottom. That is the Mariana's Trench.

9. The Easter Bunny is Jesus's magical pet.

10. Never have a glitter bomb war with Taylor Swift. Just don't. 

Angus T Jones: Well Done and Overcooked

Angus T. Jones's career, burnt to a crisp

Well Angus T. Jones has proved that in the series of Two and a Half Men he is a half of a man. Not only did Prophet Angus release a statement, but he made a public apology. He said he was "sorry" if his remarks "offended his costars and their work."

Translated, Angus realized that serving Satan was better than serving fries. So Angus gave himself to Jesus until he realized his career was burning and well done instead of medium rare and full of promise.

What I would like to see is Angus T. Jones and Kirk Cameron fight over who is more annoying. Angus just went mad, Kirk Cameron has been going for decades. Cage match.

Better yet, I would also like to see a reality show called Two Amens where Angus T. Jones tries to save Charlie Sheen and tries to get him to find Jesus. Maybe Julie McCullough from Growing Pains- who is now trying to have a painful career as a standup comedian-can be their Mary Magdelene. Woman has big boob, is aging, and needs a job.

Maybe then there can be a cage match with Kirk Cameron where she kills him and saves us all. I do like her even though she is an old slut past her prime, but she is a nice old slut. Maybe she can have a second career as a pro-wrestler.

In the end Augus T. Jones isn't a Jesus freak. He is a poser. Tebow is a Jesus freak and while some people find him annoying I find him endearing because he actually has a talent and is sincere. Not to mention he knows not to piss off the people paying him!!!!

I hate you Angus. Your career is well burnt. You're done, Angie!

Angus before the meltdown, had a career

Read my book:

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

877-Buy-Book

www.buybooksontheweb.com

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Come to my signing

December 27, 2012 @7pm

Bethel Park Public Library

5100 W. Library Ave

Bethel Park, PA 15102

Denise Richards Piggy Backs Off Ex-Again

Denise Richards is only good for one thing, being easy on the eyes. Aside from the fact that she can't act and is only really good for popping out babies, she is yet again piggybacking off of her ex-husband's fame. Denise, who has been out of work for sometime, is going to the press to discuss her ex-hubbie Charlie Sheen's anger management.

I had sympathy for Denise until a few years ago, after restraining orders against Mr. Sheen, she crawled back to him and asked to use his frozen sperm because she wanted another baby. Translated, she was trying to stay tied to Charlie so she could keep working. I mean, I saw her in Wild Things and James Bond. As an actress she has the range or Tori Spelling. But my question is, bitch, if you want another baby why not let another man knock you up? You are cute enough.

Either way, I don't like her and I think this latest attempt to talk to the press is utterly cheap and low. Denise Richards is to Hollywood is what herpes is to a college student, a painful sore that goes away but always shows it's face again.

"I have no talents aside from being Mrs. Charlie Sheen. I would show you how I can act in this audition but I don't act that well."