Rainbow in the Dark

Recently I have been blessed with some amazing news. In December I submitted my content to be on television in Europe. This past Tuesday I found out that I am streaming live on Finnish TV. It is a network called Love TV. They are applying for an American broadcast license. Still, I am streaming on www.TheLuminati.com.

This pleasant surprise was unveiled after a very hard day when I got a bad piece of news about a young man who grew up in my neighborhood that died accidentally and suddenly. What is cool about Love TV is that they are affiliated with Dr. Dre’s son. This is so awesome. My friend Dave Harris who is the most awesome friend a girl could ask for got my content broadcast ready. His wife Heather has been patient with my demands which sometimes earn me the title of Lady Hitchcock.

The week before I had enjoyed some press in England. Out of no where, a British reporter called to inquire about my children and I. Our family has received a bit of press over the years, but no one rang as of late. What piqued his interest I did not know. I assumed part of it was because I had broken a world record two weeks previous with the help of 250 other performers. One pianist from Australia had even messaged me, so graciously including me in his blog. Apparently, the Aussie’s have quite a cabaret scene. I was also amazed by his talent, and hope someday I meet him in real time. That is where the internet is truly a gift. It connects people who would not ordinarily meet, and through it I have met some extraordinary artists that while linguistics sometimes separate us, creativity connects us to the core.

I ended up chatting with this man who was a nice bloke as they say. Apparently, they spoke about my puppet family on the radio, and even ran a newspaper article on us. The fan mail from the chaps as they also say poured in. One even offered me a relationship. We discussed where we would live and everything. While our love affair moved a little too fast for me, the gesture was indeed flattering.

I ended up Googling myself and found I was featured on TheRichest, a website where they list Top 10 things and cover the lives of rich folk like the Kardashians and reality television. I made number one on this list. I wondered how not only they remembered me, but how I became their numero uno. http://www.therichest.com/rich-list/most-shocking/15-most-outrageous-addictions-outed-on-reality-tv/?view=all.

Then I ended up speaking to a fan boy of mine. A former member of the military, he was amongst the troops that captured Iraqi despot Saddam Hussein. Now he works as a celebrity body guard. For a while he worked for Selena Gomez and some of the other teeny bopper stars in the states. Now he is working in England. This particular fan boy ended up showing my clips to two singers he is guarding. Their names escape my mind. It’s not completely because I am thoughtless, but when it comes to pop music I am a little bit of an old woman who lives in a shoe. I have a bunch of children and I don’t know what to do….bad joke.

Well they are pop stars in the UK, one guy and one girl. They dug me and played me on one British network and MTV Europe. This was another awesome announcement. Part of me thought he was lying, not that he would but this is just incredible. Then it would also explain some of the sudden press interest in me again from Europe. Actually, it would explain most of it.

Years ago, my plan was to be a global superstar. There were times that the dream seemed so far fetched. There were times when I wanted to let the dream go. Yet whenever I tried, I would always end up crying myself to sleep because it felt like my heart was being ripped out.

Back in late October, I almost threw in the towel. A pilot I filmed wasn’t airing, and my bank account had a negative balance. Not to mention I had that Come to Jesus conversation with my mom about what way my life was going. Maybe I had made a mistake by chasing this rainbow. Or maybe I had gone as far as I was supposed to. Now perhaps it was time for me to grow up, get married, have kids, and be a real person. It was a hard pill to swallow, but maybe that was who I was supposed to be for the next phase of my life.

I headed to do a singing telegram on Long Island, and barely had enough money to eat breakfast. My umbrella was broken, and the rain just kept coming down. To top it off, it was cold on top of being damp, and the raindrops felt like razor blades. For weeks I kept telling myself it was going to get better, and it had only gotten worse. I had no idea how I was going to get to my telegram without getting completely drenched because now my ghetto umbrella would not even open.

I asked God to give me a sign because I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Just then this feeling of calm came over me. I was going to be alright. This was my destiny, and while things looked bleak I had not come this far in order to be tossed asunder. There was no way I could quit now. Minutes later, as if the Heavens were sending me a message, the storm stopped.

The telegram was a success, and the client gave me an $80 tip. It helped put my bank account back on track, and it helped put some money in my pocket. When I got home, I had a fan letter from a young man in Texas who apparently was a huge fan of mine, and told me my day was coming sooner than I knew. Sure, everything was still not all better, but there was hope.

A week later, I released my country video. The fan mail I got was insane. They seemed to be crawling out of the woodwork. While I was still financially crippled, it was God or whomever was upstairs sending these angels to prod me along. The next week I found out a project I thought was dead was alive, and by a quirky miracle I became SAG-AFTRA eligible. Then I was asked to be head writer on a project, and the gifts have been coming ever since.

Right now, I am stoked about all the attention I am receiving in Europe. There is part of me that is very excited to be closer to reaching my goal of global superstardom. Granted, I know I am not there yet but have come one huge step closer. The feeling is amazing. So much so I want to do a happy dance.

Then I also feel fear because last years I waded through so much darkness, yet I am experiencing luck and light. I don’t want the light to fade, but know in my heart rainy days always do come and life always happens. But I have to silence that fear. The fear stops me from my goal. The fear is my naysayers and detractors, and by feeding their egos I feed the devil.

I know in my heart this is no accident. I have been working for the better part of a decade, and my efforts are now speaking for themselves. Because of what I have done, and the crops I have planted, the harvest is starting to come in. However, I don’t know what is next. Although I don’t know, I am sure it will be good.

For the most part I feel grateful and humbled for my fans. Yes, the people who supported me when no one else did. Yes, the people who watched me faithfully on public access or came to my shows. Yes, the people who buy my DVDs, my books, and watch me on the tele as they say in Europe. Yes, the people who cheer me on when life doesn’t. Yes, the people who are with me as I wait for the rest of the world to catch up. Yes, the people who write me and who I will personally answer until the end of time like Joan Crawford.

It’s not because I am crazy, it is because you mean that much to me. When something happens that I can’t explain, I know it’s you and all you. At times I want to give up the fight you keep me going.

You are my salvation, my reason for doing what I do. You indeed are my rainbow in the dark……

www.aprilbrucker.com