Sunday, November 30, 2014

Duck Tales

A few days ago I was watching television with my parents. My dad hates commercials. As a matter of fact, whenever one pops on, he changes the channel. It’s his domain, he has control of the clicker. Lately, he has been hooked on the show black*ish. However, like every show that needs sponsors.
So we found ourselves on the nature channel. It was a documentary on ducks.

In the first part, it was talking about ducks in the Arctic who did not fly South for the winter. These ducks were hardier it seemed. They stuck together, and let me tell you they didn’t put up with any smack from the bigger predators. The narrator explained the ducks needed to find food, and the camera illustrated these ducks diving underwater and basically eating every clam on the bottom of the Arctic floor. Apparently, ducks are known to not only swallow clams full, but they also clean up the whole sea bed wherever they are.

The narrator also informed us that this was the first time the ducks were ever captured swimming. And let me tell you before I thought they just put their head in the water and maybe caught a fish. But this was legit deep sea diving. I looked at my mom. We both concurred ducks were much cooler than people gave them credit for being.

Then the narrator also told the viewers the ducks waited for open ice patches in order to keep up their lifestyle. That wasn’t easy. These ducks were amazing.

After that, it cut to the ducks that flew south for the winter. My dad surmised the gators were going to get those creatures. However, there was more to come. Apparently this was when ducks mated. The males were preening their feathers, and apparently it was okay to fight with other male ducks over women.

As this happened, a female duck and her male friend were profiled. Apparently, this duck had been friendzoned. While she was making no move to mate with him, he was by her side like an unsung knight in shining armor making sure no male ducks got fresh. The rest of the male ducks tried, but he attacked them. She made no move to mate with him, thus not only continuing to friendzone Donald but now he was being cock blocked all the way.

The narrator then told the viewers that ducks were a species where during mating, if a female duck refused the advances of a male duck, the male ducks could force copulation. Holy shit! Duck rape. No means maybe in this animal kingdom. Of course this was happening on camera. Were these foolhardy ducks aware this could be used against them? Oh nevermind, there is no duck court. So basically, ducks behave like a bunch of frat boys.

“They are Cosby Ducks.” My dad explained changing the channel.

“Dad, while I get what you are saying, you are technically incorrect. These ducks were awake.” I informed him.

My dad nodded in agreement.  Duck rape was where this family drew the line. After the show cut to commercial, we were back to the ducks. Now the duck rape had stopped. Apparently, the female Daisy had seen Donald’s devotion. He had protected her from duck rape. She realized that he stuck by her side, listened to her whine, and perhaps this friend she had so friendzoned was worthy of a promotion to mate. Donald and Daisy got together.

It was a ducky ending. I want a man who protects me from duck rape. New standard.

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