Monday, October 27, 2014

Zit Popping Videos

Okay, time for a confession. I am super, duper addicted to zit popping videos on youtube. It's disgusting, and the addiction probably ranks worse than puppets or crack. But these people video their pimple popping and cyst drainage. Some sanitize the area, others don't. Still when that puss pops it's like a geyser.

One dude had this cyst on the back of his neck and he kept squeezing. Of course, every zit popping video has an annoying woman giving commentary. She always has a high voice. In this epic video where this dude had a big one on the back of his neck he kept squeezing and she kept trying to help him, but he refused her help. Then she started screaming when the puss was squirting. I was like, "Dear God, bitch. Shut up."

Most of the stars of these puss filled, cystacular wastes of video space are either red necks or people from the working class, UK. One red neck even alluded to the red neck method of popping a cyst that involved a pocket knife. He even displayed his skill on the interweb. The entire time I kept fearing he would get infected. Then I took a breath. Of course he would. This was probably one of my sister Skipper's ER patients!!!!!!

The giant cysts that squirt the cottage cheese are interesting,but those blackheads are just brutal. And there is this Indian doctor who narrates the procedure as he has some poor soul who's blackhead cyst is so big he can just scoop it out. I don't know what's worse, knowing your zit got that big, or having that ass weed narrate.

However the best of the worst are the videos where people squeeze their dog's pimples. One collie had a huge zit on her back. That thing was a squirter. The one that took the cake was the Mastiff. Those idiots popping were having too much fun, and the poor dog was in pain. I secretly wanted the infect the dog with rabies so he would turn around and maul the shit out of those assholes. I know it sounds mean, but the really had nothing going for them. At least the human zit poppers humiliated themselves by showing the consequences of their poor hygiene. Now these dill heads were humiliating an animal. Hell, I hope both dogs go all Cujo and kill their damn owners.


Of course I had a cyst several weeks ago on my leg. It filled up, and I was trying to get it to the point where it would pop. After swimming in the pool, I was in the steam room and saw it came to a head. I gave it a squeeze and all this gunk exploded. It was like a scary movie. On one hand, it was disgusting. On the other hand, it was marvelous that the human body can store so much  gunk.

Then again, I also had cystic acne as a kid. While guys asked me out as a joke because of my pizza pie crater face, squeezing my pimples became a past time. There was something about a giant puss ball coming out of my face. Sure, I was humiliated and refused to be photographed. But damn were white heads fun to squeeze. No wonder people like to humiliate themselves online. As I said though, I draw the line at dogs.

Then I remember being at the beach with my sister Skipper. She spoke about a labial cyst a woman got, and how she had to drain it. Skipper spoke about the cottage cheese like substance matter of factly, something that would make most cringe. The way she spoke about it made zit squeezing sound like a clinical exercise lacking any fun and enjoyment.

 Then I realized the assholes popping puppy pimples would be my sister's patients too if their dogs went rabid.

That is when I decided to go to bed, stop watching youtube, and make better use of my time.


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