Tonight I was delivering a singing telegram, a princess to a little girl. Anyway, I was dressed from head to toe in my perfect Disney-esque costume. I sang “Someday My Prince Will Come” and put a crown on the child and even let her keep the wand, all purchased at the local dollar store for four bucks. Anyway, the telegram was well received and I got a nice tip. So I went upstairs and got changed back into my street clothes to get back to the train station.
When I got downstairs I waited for my ride and storming in their living room comes a blonde woman in tears. She says to a guy who looks like he could be the heart throb on Staten Island Days of Our Lives, “Your wife is a bitch.”
The guy, who looks like his name is Joey or Sal says, “Excuse me?” And then she repeats herself. Te guy shrugs and walks over to talk to me. He figures screw this shit. This is a cat fight and I ain’t getting involved. So a few seconds later this woman walks out. She looks like an older version of J Wow from Jersey Shore after fifteen years of marriage, too many hard bar nights, and two kids plus stretch marks. So she says to this woman, “What’s going on?”
This blonde woman is now steamed up and says, “You are a bitch. What the fuck did you have to say that about my dog? Don’t you know my dog has cancer.”
“I was just kidding.” The older J Wow apologized.
Meanwhile my ride was looking for his coat and couldn’t find his keys. The entire time he gave me an awkward look as if he wasn’t planning on this stranger seeing how dysfunctional his family could be. So as he ran around the husband Sal, the Staten Island heart throb, approaches me to hit on me. He says, “I’ll take Cinderella home.”
Figuring things are already awkward enough I said, “Want to be Prince Charming.” As soon as I said this another guy at the party offered to take me back to the train station. Needless to say, for as entertaining as this cat fight was over the cancer dog I figured this was the perfect exit.
Sigh…..
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