Unplugging

I have been extremely involved since the start of election season. Donald J. Tramp was a spokespuppet for an anti-Trump group. We marched in Cleveland. Then we covered the debates in Las Vegas. When things didn't go our way, we marched with NYCLU.

Then there is The Lady and President Tramp. It got into it's first festival. I am excited.

However, as of late I have been feeling some activist burn out. A friend of mine who has been involved in ACT UP for over two decades cautioned me to pace myself. He has been arrested a bunch of times and more. He even admits he takes breaks.

The whole kneeling thing has made me crazy. I have never met more obnoxious people and have seen more nasty mud slinging on both sides. There have been people on the left saying more cops should die. People on the right have been insisting on violence against the kneelers. I just wanted to tell them that if they care so much, why don't they march or volunteer?

Oh no. That would take work.

My mom was a Title IX activist in college. It was the 1970s and the women's team wanted letter jackets for their winning season. The men got them and their season was not as successful. As the captain, my mom acted as media spokeswoman, not only speaking to the press but ultimately requesting they had special meal times and study halls like the men.

I am proud of my mom for her activism, but like many Second Wavers she had enough of the infighting in the movement. Plus it takes a lot of time and energy to be an activist. So when she graduated from college my mom taught, coached, married, had kids, and enjoyed her life. Her contributions helped many other women, but the sun had set on her time as an activist and she was moving on.

Then again, that is the thing about activism, the freaking infighting. There have been events I have been at where Black Lives Matter shows up. The middle class white activists cringe each time fearing they will get violent. Meanwhile BLM are allies in the movement. I have never had anything but wonderful experiences with the vibrant, fresh energy of BLM. They have always been positive in my encounters with them. But the racism and.....dont even get me started.....

And then of course in the LGBTQ there are so many cisgender queer people who are transphobic. I have seen this too at political marches and have played den mother. I want to scream, "STOP IT! FUCKING STOP IT!"

Then among women there is the sex positive thing, but the shaming of Hugh Hefner. Then there is the argument burlesque is feminist and then there is the argument that it is stripping. There is the believing the victim, but also not encouraging the victim to take responsibility to see their patterns and perhaps learn so they don't forever become a victim. When I bring this up, and I qualify myself as a DV person, I get shit. I want abusive men punished, but codependency is a two way street. Both partners are sick in an instance of DV. Yet it seems none of these people, many who have never experienced it, do not want to hear me.

I want to say that if we want to be strong we can take responsibility. We can not buy things that offend us. Change the channel. Anything but the whiny stupidity.

And then who can be considered a woman. I have been to feminist events where trans people have been barred. If someone wants to take a paycut and be cat called come on in. If someone wants to identify as nonbinary I am not stopping you. But there are people who disagree with me violently.

I just can't with any of you anymore.

To top it off, the weekly fights with right wing nuts have been too much with their grammar errors and other hate flinging on the internet.

The straw that broke the camel's back was Las Vegas yesterday. A man who is mentor and means quite a bit to me lives there. He was safe in bed during the shooting as he has been hard at work on an event, plus he is 70. While he is very active in the entertainment business, like many Las Vegas locals he has no use for the free concerts on The Strip.

However, my worry was his daughter would have been there with her boyfriend or cousin. They are 22, free concert age. But luckily they weren't there. None of my LV peeps were there. However, the daughter of my mentor had a friend who was critically wounded. I was sick for that young man and his family.

Still, the talk of the event made me sick as people wouldnt shut the fuck up about it. And then they want gun control. And then they want to talk about mental illness. Having had a mentally ill partner I can educate people on the subject. I tried a few times to tell people how we need to talk about BOTH. It was like talking to a wall.

Especially since my ex, a mentally disturbed Iraq War vet, fired his service weapon at the wall during a psychotic break in which he believed the ghost of the soldier that tried to kill him came back to get him. Needless to say, there was no ghost. However, there were neighbors who had children. The cops were called and there was a lesser charge he plead down to in exchange for some information on another crime. The firearm was taken away obviously. No one was hurt thank God.

Still, my ex withheld this information from me when we got together. I found this out after we broke up. The fact my ex and people like him can get a weapon frightens the living fuck out of me. Either way, when people began to deny Sandy Hook I had to log off. This shit was waaaaaayyyyyyyy too fucking much.

Last night, I was talking with two kiddos who identify as nonbinary at the haunted house I am doing full body puppets at. The election came up. Tensions flashed. Both were quick to remind me as a cisgender white woman I would be fine. I wanted to tell them how involved I had been and how my life and political experience eclipsed theirs. We were all politically opinionated positioned in our perspective corners.

Then one said, "No more talk of politics, it's too stressful."

No wiser words had ever been uttered in the last several months. The tension bubble was burst. They were like me. They couldn't do it anymore. They had burnt out. They put up a boundary and I more than accepted it. I wanted to borrow it for my own use.

Another one of the kiddos, a nonbinary person who went to Smith, admitted that they had been knee deep in activism marching quite a bit themselves. However, like myself they were taking a much needed break. At that moment, we connected. We showed up. We made our statements. Now we just couldnt........

This is why the haunted house was such a stress release. And we are operating full body puppets. I have done ventriloquism obviously, hand and rod, bunraku, Balinese shadow puppets and even marionettes but never full body. While they are heavy at times it pays alright and I look forward to the challenge. Plus people seem relatively nice and chill. I need the laugh. I need the break. But most importantly, this is a chance to learn and grow as a puppeteer.

This young kiddo from also told me she is set to attend a South Asian family wedding this next weekend. I learned they were practicing the dance of the single cousins, aka their version of the bouquet toss. It would be two days of fun, and henna tattoos. That was so much more interesting, informative, and fulfilling than any political conversation I have had in some time.

And a week before, as I was leaning towards taking a break, I met from guys going to the Mets game who were middle of the road Trump supporters. They saw my trunk and I did a show with Donny. They laughed. They weren't evil and didn't have fangs. They just voted the lesser of two evils.

Monday I went to an acting class and did a fun monologue with an amazing teacher. I return next week. Days before, I applied to graduate school for my writing and am awaiting a response. (GULP). I have also been accepted into an Onion writing workshop that I look forward to, and am set to do more modelling and release a calendar.

As for my show, it will be at SOLOCOM in November at the PIT Loft.

I intend to be back to fight for the rights of people who are HIV/AIDS positive, abused women, LGBTQ, mental health/addicts, and others who suffer under abuse of those in power.

However, I need a break to stretch and grow. I need to take a breath and get my brains back before I shave my head, open my window and throw out my computer. You have your right to your opinion, I have my right to mine.

But we are both currently assholes.

Now for my nightly mango.

April Unwrapped

My Playboy Story

Back in 2012, I was working as a singing telegram delivery girl, performing ventriloquism, and embarking on a career as a writer. My first book, I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl had just been published. It was a wonderful feeling being a published writer. As a youngster who filled yellow legal tablets with words I now cringe at, putting my work on a shelf was an honor and dream come true.

Things were even more incredible as I Came, I Saw, I Sang found shelf space next to Ophira Eisenberg, Junot Diaz, and Anne Frank. After a book signing event at Brown University, I felt like I had arrived as a young writer.

Then a friend suggested I submit my book to Playboy. A male friend who was about 50, he told me they had a lot of wonderful articles. Maybe they could review it. Maybe they could do an interview. Maybe I could even write a piece.

It was a zany idea but I decided, why not?

I googled Playboy enterprises and found only the number for the subscription company. That is when I called 4-11.

Me: Hello, I need the number for Playboy Magazine.

Female Operator: Sure, coming right up.

Me: I am not a model. I am a writer.

(Operator laughs).

Female Operator: Hey, my daughter is trying to write. You need to get published where you can. I will connect you now.

Minutes later, I found myself connected to a nice young man. He spoke clearly and was incredibly friendly. This is how the conversation went.

Travis: Hello, Playboy Enterprises. This is Travis. How can I help you?

Me: Hi, my name is April Brucker. I wrote a book. I was wondering if I could send it to Playboy Magazine to review…..

Travis: What is your book about?

Me: It’s called I Came, I Saw, I Sang, Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl. It’s about my job as a singing telegram delivery girl.

Travis: Really, what is the craziest job you have ever had?

Me: I have been a chicken, gorilla, hot dog, Marilyn Monroe, but I was used as evidence in a court of law once. You see, I was delivering to a guy who I was supposed to apologize to dressed as a dancing heart. I was saying I’m sorry. So I get there and he is good looking. Answers the door. This guy is standing behind him and says oh no. I hope it’s not another guy. So I am singing and the guy I am singing to says, “Do you know what she did?”

Travis: Shit, what did she do?

Me: He says, “It was New Years Eve. She ran over my foot. And as I was screaming in pain, she drove away laughing. Now I am taking her to court tomorrow to sue her for damages.”

Travis: Wow.

Me: I was like, would another song from the I’m Sorry Heart do the trick. He was like, “This will be used as evidence to show of her recklessness.” And I was singing “Goodbye, goodbye!”

Travis: This is awesome. Send me a copy.

Me: Of course. What do you do at Playboy?

Travis: I’m the butler.

Me: So that is what they are calling executive assistants at magazines these days? Or is this just a joke at The Playboy Office?

Travis: No. Like a butler, butler.

Me: You’re a real butler. Like a butler in a mansion? Like the Playboy Mansion?! DID I JUST CALL THE PLAYBOY MANSION!

Travis: Yes m’am.

Me: HOLY SHIT! I JUST CALLED THE PLAYBOY MANSION!

(Travis and I are both laughing).

Travis: So you had no idea?

Me: No, I just said connect me to Playboy Enterprises and here I am. I bet you get  a lot of whackos.

Travis: Yup. And you are one.

Me: Ouch.

Travis: But hey, at least you are interested.

(Travis a random guy)

Travis: Hey, this one actually did something. She wrote a book.

(sounds in background)

Travis: He says he might be able to get you on Playboy Radio. Anyway, we are getting our day started here, but send us a copy of the book, okay?

Me: For sure. What is your address?

(Travis gives me address)

Me: Wow, this is an amazing story. This was amazing.

Travis: Yes it was. Stay safe.

Click

Nothing came of me sending my book to Playboy, but at least I got a good story out of the whole thing. Hef, I called your house and your people were at least cool. There is something to be said for hospitality. RIP Pimp Daddy. 

PS. In recent times I have addressed my sexy side as a female writer and now I wouldn't be so timid about calling if the mansion were still the epicenter of things. So check out my new book April Unwrapped

Stop Using Our Vets As An Excuse To Stand

I am a kneeler. I intend to kneel until Trump is out of office when “The National Anthem” is played. I don’t care if this loses me jobs or opportunities. Those weren’t doors open anyway.

I kneel because I am a domestic violence survivor, and for years the fans saw no reason to protest the NFL as they protected abusers time and time again. I kneel to protect the right to marry the person of my choosing regardless of gender or sexual identity. I kneel to protect the immigrants in my neighborhood who work hard and want to become a part of the American fabric. I kneel to protect my right of choice. I kneel because our president is more dictator and less leader.

Stop telling me about the sacrifice of the vets. It’s just plain asinine, tired, and frankly pitiful. First off, our tweeter and chief called Neo-Nazi’s “good people.”

Both my grandfather’s fought in WWII as did my great uncle. As a matter of fact, my great uncle was a part of the troops that liberated the camps. He always cracked dirty jokes and seldom spoke about his experience. While as a child he frightened me, now I know he experienced things more horrific than we could ever imagine. To hear Trump call the Neo-Nazi’s “good people” would make him roll over in his grave. It would be disrespectful to the many brave young men who died in combat against the Nazis. Some no older than 18.

Trump does not honor the greatest generation rather he degrades not only their bravery and contributions, but every soldier who bravely served. Both my grandfather’s have their flags up in their hometown. They were called to service and went.

Trump dodged the draft the first chance he got like a prissy rich boy. John McCain served and was captured. I do not always agree with McCain politically but I respect his bravery and journey. I respect the face he struggled with PTSD and made a career for himself in politics after being a POW. If I met him I would shake his hand and thank him for his service.

Some are not so lucky. My ex boyfriend was not one. Actually I would call him my former partner because while we were not engaged we spoke about getting married and starting a home. He loved America and loved the fact he did two tours, one in Iraq and one in Afghanistan. During one of his tours he was even injured in combat.

During a duty where he was to catalogue the dead for the day, an Iraqi soldier who was playing dead sat up and stabbed him severing an artery in his arm. Although he recovered and still worked, he could never completely straighten it. Like many returning vets, he was unaware of his rights and the United States government found ways to make him unaware of the benefits he was eligible for. He also took advantage of the 6 months of free counseling through the VA, and was put on meds that only made his paranoia worse. Like many young men returning from combat, he fell into drugs but was clean for a substantial time when I met him.

In many ways he was the most wonderful man I could ever ask God for. He was there when I was down and out and didn’t judge me once. Armed with a good sense of humor, he cracked jokes and was lively. Not to mention he loved my puppets and demanded one be named after him.

Like many returning soldiers he was  a giver. It’s no accident a great many vets end up as cops or firefighters, as they are professions where not only do they serve but they save. Many of our biggest fights were about him extending kindness and generosity to people who were flat out users.

But he was sick.

This meant mood swings. Psychotic breaks.

Daily tasks were next to impossible. He would keep a job but not for very long. While he would want to work the PTSD made it nearly impossible to get from A to B. Crowded city streets freaked him out as did loud noise. A crowded theatre and long line at a Broadway show meant a cold sweat. Sleep was something that he just didn’t engage in. He couldn’t.

As the psychotic breaks grew closer and closer together and he refused help and medication, I had to end it. There were people who told me I was a bad person for doing so, but it was more humbling when other friends confessed they were worried he would completely go off the deep end and kill me one day. Would he have hurt me? I would like to think no but the episodes were getting more and more unpredictable.

It ended badly as all relationships with the mentally ill who refuse treatment do. There were a million times a day when I had to remind myself that he was sick. It kept me from breaking everything in the room because of his actions. I also told myself his experience was the result of the trauma he suffered in combat, and that hopefully one day he will get the help he desperately needs to be a functional human being.

Currently, my ex is homeless and back on drugs. It’s less about him being a junkie and more about the fact he self medicates for pain and experience we as average Americans could never fathom let alone understand. He is not the exception but unfortunately not uncommon. America sends her troops to die and when they return too damaged to function they are on their own. And then when they end up on the street or in the correctional system we respond by telling them to “get it together.”

Once, shortly after I ended things with my ex, a vet was begging for change. He had returned from Iraq and lost his leg. I gave him a dollar. A man with a thick Southern accent said they were mercenaries just sent to die and there was no reason we should give them money at any time. It took every nerve in my body not to punch him. My bet is he stands for The National Anthem.

We freely make fun of the mentally ill in this country but we would never do that to someone with cancer. Because we don’t believe people with cancer deserve their fate even if they smoked 20 packs of cigarettes a day. Yet I have heard people call combat vets murderers and say they deserve their PTSD.

I have also heard people joke about mental illness. They make fun of people who have hallucinations, psychotic breaks, and mood swings. Crazy is a word we throw around casually. Once you know someone who suffers from a mental health issue, crazy becomes a word that is outright cruel. Because that “crazy” person might be a vet who is trying their best to get through the day.

Standing for the Anthem is your choice. However, don’t use the vets as an excuse for your bigotry and hate. Don’t use their sacrifice and their continual suffering as an excuse to silence the free speech of others. Don’t use the dead soldiers to denigrate the players. Many are young, black men who didn’t come from much but had the brains and ambition to use their athletic talent to get an opportunity, education, and better life for themselves and their families.

And I repeat, none of you would probably talk to a vet let alone help a homeless one. Trump is exploiting the vets shamelessly and has since he decided to run for office. He will throw them under the bus first chance he gets. Trump is also starting wars and will send more young men and women to die, or to come back damaged into a system that doesn’t support them.

So if you care about America and the vets, don’t stand. I will be taking a knee for a while it looks like. 

April Unwrapped

Interview With Alain Nu: The Man Who Knows

1. How long have you been a mentalist? And how did you get started in the art of mentalism?

I became interested in mentalism around the time I was 8. I first learned about mentalism from (I believe) a book by Walter Gibson, called, The Master Magicians. It mentioned Alexander, who was the original "Man Who Knows." Mind reading and mental powers has actually always intrigued me. Around the same time I saw Uri Geller on the Merv Griffin show and was hooked. It was that combination of the two: One guy who I read about, and a more 'modern' guy who I actually got to see on TV, that showed me that entertainment could be expressed in a purely mental way.

Alain with his crystal

2. How are you the man that knows?

The very first Man Who Knows was Claude "Alexander" Conlin who was made famous for this title almost exclusively because of the entrancing posters of the vaudeville era, which depicted this obviously (non-Hindu) caucasian man wearing a Turbin and peering into a crystal ball. The posters of him continued to live past his own very successful career as a stage performer. So, I am not the first Man Who Knows. However, in my opinion, the title of Man Who Knows is a very specific one that depicts a mystery man that is neither a magician or a medium. Originally, I was dubbed the Man Who Knows by my manager, Clinton Billups. He had heard a reporter make reference to it after having seen me perform, and he was drawn to trademark it and dub me as "The Man Who Knows." So although, I may not be the original, if you Google 'The Man Who Knows", I am the top Man Who Knows ranking. This may not mean much to anyone else, but it's the little things in life, right?

3. Spoon bending is a part of your show-you can bend spoons with your mind. Can you let us in on that secret or not?

No! It's the cool and surprising part of my show... and now that we've mentioned it, I guess we'll strike surprising. Spoon bending is still, in some ways, a mystery to me. Sometimes people in my audience have been known to spontaneously bend spoons that they, themselves, bring to my programs. This is the original "Geller effect" in action. I talk about this (and I interview Uri Geller) in my most recent book, State Of Mind, The Man Who Knows Reveals the Secrets of Mind Over Matter. It is oddly hard to explain just what causes metal to sometimes bend so easily. Sometimes the multiple bends that my audience members can make in the spoons they bring, are even more intricate than the ones I bend myself in the show. So I invite you to try it—in fact, the first time we ever met face to face was in NYC and a spoon bent in your hand, remember?

Alain bending spoons on network TV

4. You have performed all over the world. What is your favorite place you have performed? And where can you be seen regularly?

I am really excited to be the Resident Man of Mystery at the famous Watergate Hotel in Washington DC. There, I perform for private groups weekly, however we are right now finalizing arrangements for a ticketed show which I will be premier there called "Secret Asian Man". No recording devices

are allowed, but even if you do, you'll mysteriously find an 18 1/2 half missing gap of audio, he he. Currently, the Watergate is my favorite place to perform. It is a beautiful and historical hotel and the people who come there are pretty excited to be entertained by me. However, the most amazing place I have ever headlined would have to be The Magical Empire at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. It would be hard to explain if you have never been there before, but just my stage alone had a curved back wall of an ancient Chinese mural and flanking both sides of the performing area were two very large, ornate dragons with smoke that subtly wafts out of their nostrils. Since it closed in 2004, nothing to this date has even come close to the spectacle and grandeur of The Magical Empire.

Alain's billboard in Las Vegas

5. You have written several books. What are they and where can they be purchased?

I have two books available on Amazon. State Of Mind: The Man Who Knows Reveals Secrets of Mind Over Matter and Picture Your ESP: Reveal Your Hidden Powers With The Nu ESP Test. You can find them in bookstores, and online retailers like Barnes and Noble and Amazon in both paperback and Kindle editions. State of Mind is really a book that shows you example after example of how to think like a mentalist. It shows you how to do a few simple and beginner mentalist tricks that I have developed, then it shows you how being a mentalist is actually not about the trick, but about how, with an open mind, you can interact with reality in truly mysterious ways.

Alain's fans love his books

6. You had your own TV show on TLC. What was it called and when did it run?

My show for TLC was The Mysterious World Of Alain Nu and premiered in 2005. It was even seen internationally, including Continental Flights from Europe to Los Angeles. The only reason I know that is because I would sometimes get fan mail from people on those flights. It was an amazing experience, but I would be so much better now, if I was ever given another chance to give it another go. As you know, working on TV is totally different than live performance. So the next producer that gives me that challenge, know that I can take it to new heights.

The master at work

7. If you could have dinner with any mentalist from the past who would it be?

All my life, I have been known as an "underground mentalist" and part of that has to do with what constitutes that term. Most underground guys, are creators, and that doesn't mean that they would have had to be god performers. They just need to be clever artists that know the craft, like screenplay writers are to the film industry. Those are my peeps. Some of my closest friends are/were underground kings of their time. So if I could have dinner with anyone, I would want it to be Theodore Annemann. He was a true artist in the craft of mentalism. He was also a bit of a tortured artist, as he ended his own life two weeks before an important show he was expected to perform. But it's the artists within the field who are some of my closest friends, so if I had only one to choose, then I choose Annemann.

8. What is next for “The Man Who Knows?”

That's the one question that I never know. But I can say this: I am moving on up!

Alain amazing this group of people

9. What is your star sign?

Leo on the Cusp of Virgo. My birthday was actually the same day as the eclipse this year, so since you know me, that was quite significant... Lunar shit can't stop me now.

10. What do you eat for breakfast?

Most of the time, it's just coffee. Is that bad?

April Unwrapped: My Naked Dreams Revealed

Holla At Your Girl

Daily Meme

April Unwrapped

Send me a hollar

10. “Wow…..still living in your mom’s basement. Nice to see you believe in consistency.”

9. “Your kid is growing wiser and smarter. Not only is he on the honor roll, but it didn’t take him very long to figure out you were a loser.”

8. “You gained weight. But at least you’ll be ready to hibernate for winter. Wait, you hibernate every day because you don’t have a job.”

7. “You want your shit? I threw it away. I thought about selling it but it’s worthless just like you are.”

6. “I think it’s crazy you wanted me to wait for you until you got out of prison. Because when you were away, we both cheated with the nearest man who would listen to us.”

5. “I don’t want to be friends with you. You’re like used toilet paper. You’re ultimately good for nothing, make everyone uncomfortable, and a reminder that I sometimes make shit choices.”

4. “You relapsed on heroin? I’m so proud of you. It meant for once in your life you had a goal, got off your ass, and took some action.”

3. “I’m supposed to be jealous of your new girl? Honey, you are her problem now. And when she sees you sleep with the light on because you are afraid of the dark and answer to your mother there are no throw backs here.”

2. “Your new lady seems so sweet. Now tell me, how long did it take you to move in and try to live rent free? Just curious.”

1. “Who are you again? You look familiar but I can’t quite place you.” 

Bonus Disses aka Honorable mentions:

A: "Your family and friends are hassling me because they think I ruined your life. That is the only time you got off your ass and did something for yourself. They say they want you to do well. When I was 6 I wanted my dad to get me a pony and we didn't. Looks like we're on the same program there."

B. "I dumped you. But my mom's disappointed. It's not because you were so wonderful, she thinks you're a loser. She just always taught me to think for myself and never follow a crowd."

C. "Your best friend wanted me to sleep with him after you left. Even he doesn't like you. But he eclipses you in one way, he's a bigger loser than you. I didn't think that was possible. Granted, I hate myself for loving you but not enough to sleep with your idiot sidekick."

www.AprilBrucker.TV

April Unwrapped: My Naked Dreams Revealed

Some memes for the road

Repost please

April Unwrapped