A Bigger Plate

This week has been a busy one in the world of April. I can't even begin to tell you about all the things I have been dealing with. Lets start with I have been BUSY AS FREAKING FUCK. Okay, these are words my mother doesn't like me to use but I went and used them, HA! All week I have been juggling my new hosting gig, the still existing telegram job (Thank God, it pays my bills), filming details for one project and things for two others. Plus I am getting ready to finally delivery my audiobook. It is a blessing because my team is wonderful. Still, it was my phone ringing every five seconds. It's not like I got a moment's rest either.

Last Sunday the day begun when a friend of mine was off his psych meds for bipolar. So during the delusion he got my Booski ended up believing that two people we knew and then a random black dude broke into his home. Apparently he went down to the precinct and filed a report and everything. Did I mention this was before 7 AM. Oh and my mom called me at 5:45 by accident waking me up. So I figured the day had begun, why not? In any event, the way my buddy told the story was pretty funny. I guess I want to know why is it always a random black dude? Then again, my buddy is off his meds, not evil. Well the story ended with him going to the psych hospital, and then coming home so bummed he brought this big thing of food and in his depression ate it all. The best line was, "The only person who's not pissed with me right now is my dog."

I have long ago given up the belief I could have normal friends. It ain't gonna happen. Sigh McSigh. The rest of the day Sunday was spent getting ready to film et al. Monday had some girl drama that I will not get into. The only thing I will say is that the older I get, the more allergic to drama I am. I don't even hate the girlie I had the drama with, I think the unfortunate thing is that the poor child knows no better. But I did a full set with eight of my puppets in Brooklyn. Oh and I also delivered a telegram first thing in the morning. But the day ended with me McMakin and McMackin with a McStud. Oh and I also had to race and run write my column for Sex From Both Sides.

Tuesday saw me doing more stuff for my on camera hosting gig at ITTV. I love the gig and love being in front of the camera. Not to mention some stuff for the project I am filming.

Wednesday I filmed the interview and had a telegram. Plus I talked to the producer of the project I am currently working on.

Thursday I had a project meeting with my business partner and made an ass out of myself at the desired venue. But my new assistant Masimo, a gay kid from Dominica (not to be confused with the Dominican Republic, although both are a butt load homophobic), was a God send helping me with business plans. By the time night came I was tired. I also couldn't enter a contest because of a date conflict but I really liked the lady and want to work with her in the future.

Friday of course was delivering the telegram and more stuff for ITTV events. I was so worn out that I isolated and spent the night in. I ordered sushi to be delivered to my home. Of course I ended up watching Deadly Women, because who can resist a show where men get killed.

Saturday I had lunch with a hot lunch date. I figured I deserved it. However before that I had about three business calls and then had to meet with someone else all before noon. But then of course I went to my business partner/friend's BBQ. He is more like a big brother to me than anything. I love him and his fiance. They are sooooo cute together. He gave me a stern lecture about my choice in men and chastised me for wagging my finger like he always does. I was chilling, having fun, and then my phone just kept ringing with people who wanted shit from me. As I had convo after convo with people on business I missed another friend thrusting a whole Twinkie in his mouth. I just wanted to take the phone and throw it off the damn balcony into the night.

Where would it land? The streets of New York City? On the car of some rich fuck? On the head of some idiot girl who just wanted the idiot husband? Or would it go to space and the fucking Martians would answer?Klatu, Nictu, Baratu, may I help you....

Of course this morning I was on my way to Jersey to deliver a telegram and had to go early as not to miss a train and my mom called me to give me notes on my ITTV interview. As she is giving me notes on my interview I stood up on the train to get off and banged my head leaving me a nice little bump. Of course I let out the following blue streak, "FUCK! JESUS FUCKING FUCK I HATE THESE FUCKING TRAINS, THESE MIDGET CEILINGS AND THE STATE OF NEW JERSEY!!!!!" And then I saw there were children sitting there. FUCK ME!!!!

Then I remembered I am busy because my dreams are coming true. Years ago I was crying because it looked like it would never happen for me. I was lugging myself from open mic to open mic, living on laundry money, and barking for stage time. I would see people with TV credits come in and out and only dreamed of being them but it seemed so far away. I remembered sitting in my unairconditioned apartment writing my book and my then roomie having a nervous breakdown and losing both the friend who inspired me to write again and another friend who inspired me to be myself to drugs. I remembered how much fun it had been to be onstage for the first time in NYC. How cool it was to be on National TV for the first time. How I got my first on the street recognition without even expecting it. How cool it felt to record down the hall from Deborah Harry and see her yappy dogs.

Newsflash, when things start to happen in your life and career, things become hectic. Life becomes full. I used to cry because it seemed nothing would ever materialize. I was so scared of being left in the dust. Now here I am dusting myself off. So the chaos I have is the good kind.

Next week I have my musical stuff to work on, more ITTV stuff, I have to start uploading my audiobook to sell, and then I probably have another writing assignment in there. They say when God/Allah/Universe gives you more than you can handle, you have to ask Him/Her/It for a bigger plate. So here I am, asking for a bigger plate.

A few years ago when I came out of a particularly rough time in my life I got this thing that is still framed in my apartment. It is a little ethnically ambiguous cherub with the words, "When the trials of life seem to be working your nerves and you don't know what to do. Or when it seems you're having so many problems, you've bitt'n off more than you can chew. There's one thing you must tell yourself, when these situations you cannot dodge, I must sit down, calm myself, relax, My God's in charge."

So in times when it feels like I just run around and my feet are falling off, I must remember I am chasing my dreams. From that I must never tire. I must stand up straight for I am an accomplished woman, and when you stand upright the burdens roll off your back. I must tell myself I am too blessed to be stressed, because my dreams are coming true and this is everything I worked for since I was a little girl coming to fruition. Not to mention one hundred want to stab me in the back because of the success I am getting, and thousands want to take my place.

That means I have to stop answering the phone by saying, "What!" when my mother calls. Translated, I have to drop the attitude and be more grateful.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com

Trust, Love and Other Matters

I have recently started dating again. The crazy thing about men is that they don’t understand that there is life outside of them. Hell, the only life they want to experience is getting inside of you sometimes it seems. I know the game when it comes to men. They only want one thing and they think that they are the ones to give it to you. I don’t trust them. I will say it. It doesn’t make me a man hater. It doesn’t make me a feminazi. It makes me have a third of a half of a brain. I have lived a lot for my years on this planet and I can tell you from experience there are some evil people in this world, direct spawns of Satan. And it’s not just men I don’t trust. It’s women too. Trust is like money, it must be earned.

A few months ago I was out with a guy who felt just because he spent a few hundred dollars on me he should have gotten me into bed. I told him I didn’t move that fast with people. That’s when he starts telling me he knows I will change my mind and ride his motorcycle. I told him I didn’t move that fast with people because I have friends with people because of the disease factor. Suddenly it’s the whole, “I’m clean.” Thing. Oh sure, and I had friends hear the same claim before being stuck with HIV, the Christmas present we all remember and the gift that keeps on giving.

Of course then there was the blast from my past who showed up drugged out of his mind. He had to be oxyed the fuck out. Not only was he slurring his speech, but he looked bloated like Jim Morrison before the end of his life. I had known this person at a time in my life where the party just kept going it seemed. During that part of my life Jack Daniels and I could have been running buddies we knew each other so well. At the time this person seemed okay and we were pretty good friends. Then he shows up and we hung out and had coffee. That’s when he asked me the most suspicious question in the world, “Do you drink water?” Oh so you can slip me something G-Man? That’s when I lied and said I had to run. I never realized how creepy he was. Wowsa.

Then there is the potential sugar daddy, the dinosaur with attitude. Oh yes he is quite successful and is worth a few million dollars. While this is all true I actually enjoy his company. He is not only successful but sharp. Yes, I could talk to him for hours. While a little bit of an egomaniac he has his charm. However he blabs like a damn woman. Part of me knows if I had loose lips like his having the adventures that I have had I would be a corpse but then again men have it easy all the time now don’t they? They can live as long as they want and be as dumb as they want too. Anyway he keeps telling me that I can trust him. While he is almost there we are not quite there. Not to mention that he is now pressing me to come to his house and you know what. I don’t know if it is going to happen. Then again he has proposed it before and then always had to go home for bed time. Maybe he can’t close the deal. Either way, I was once charmed by him but now not so sure. And to top it off he thinks I should drop everything for him. Sorry Clarence, some of us in this world are still on our training wings and have to earn the realies so we can fly. Unless you are helping me earn my wings or helping me pay my rent you are going to have to take a number like the rest of the mutherfuckers out there.

Of course there are always the fucking people who claim to know people that can help me with my career. One dude I met in passing claims his son in law is a big agent. I have been without an agent for years. Anyway I should be expecting a call from his SIL. Ha ha. I have heard this a million times before. I bet you his SIL is the mailroom boy at this firm. Who knows? Either way, I am without representation and currently doing very well. I book work and have seen more TV time than my friends who are repped. So what I don’t have some fancy schamsy name behind me? I do well for myself. Bottom line, I know the game. Don’t treat me like I am stupid.

Then there are the people who claim to have big connections. One dude trying to worm his way into my crew claimed to be a successful child actor and even went so far as to insist that he was Chunk in Goonies. I looked it up on wiki. He was not Chunk in Goonies. Jeffrey Rush was. Then there is the other dude who claims he repped Sandra Bernhardt coming into my world. I don’t know if I believe him. Hell I don’t believe anyone anymore.

To top it off with the success I have seen this year I have witnessed some friends turn into enemies. Well they weren’t friends anyway. One actually went so far as to defend me a few years back when an ex of mine was stalking me online. I would see him in the neighborhood and we would be cool. Suddenly when some jealous bitch sent a tip into Gawker he was all over the site making up shit about me and decrying my TV appearance as ripping off a news network. I told the truth fair and square. I got more TV time than you will ever get in your sinking career so eat that. Then he went so far as to befriend this stalker ex. Well he showed me who he was, jealous fucks of a feather flock together. The other way I was walking in the neighborhood and this dumbass was brunching with a friend of his and he was throwing shade at me. Well I threw shade right back at him by pretending not to see him. Hey, I am too good to acknowledge his existence. Just letting him know.

Of course then there was one chick who has no talent whatsoever and looks like a treasure troll in drag. We used to be friendly from time to time and even shared a few cab rides home. However after I did a TV appearance suddenly she could barely say hello and one of her ugly friends and her were talking about me somewhere where I could hear them. I was like whatever bitches, I worked hard for this hate.

The worst was right after I was on Joy Behar I was at a comedy club I used to work at. I was hanging out and talking to people who had seen the show. Suddenly I saw someone who I was friends with at one point. While not so talented he was a nice dude. I thought I would get the big hello from him and the crew but instead they threw shade by not even looking at me. When did I become the asshole here? Either way there will come a time when they need something and I will not know them. Shade thrown.

My mom always said it best. “April, there are only two people you can trust in this world, your mother and Jesus.” Maybe she was right.

But I know one thing for sure. My Confessions Show debuts tomorrow on YouNow.com’s talk channel from 12-2. Anyone can broadcast from anywhere as long as they have a webcam. The audience can vote to keep you on or kick you off. Best confession wins a fifty dollar donation in your name to the charity of your choice. It is happening this Tuesday and every Tuesday thereon out. Here is the link to the video I made promoting the show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVZ05r2nAso

Maybe I have not yet earned my wings but I am well on my way xoxoxo April