Endings and Beginnings

I have recently ended my affiliation with YouNow.com. There can be plenty said about what transpired, why I left, and there are plenty of people vocal about it all. Truth is, my schedule was just filling up. It was starting to be busy season with the singing telegrams, plus I am getting ready to publish a book, and not to mention I am pitching a project in H-O-L-L-Y-W-O-O-D.

Despite the fact I am leaving I have nothing bad to say about Adi or the people who run younow. If anything they have given me a chance to fulfill my dream of becoming a talk show host. For so long I wanted to do it and even hosted extensively on cable access as a kid. Now here I was on an actual station doing it for real. I was a part of Tech Crunch Disrupt which was amazing. In addition I got to make some amazing new friends and met artists that were so talented they made my head spin. In addition I got the strength to do things I never thought I could do. I not only began singing live but even recorded a single that I am soon dropping. Not to mention I started not just doing puppets and comedy for teen audiences but found my voice as an activist. I spoke out not just against bullying, domestic violence, hate crimes but on behalf of those living with HIV/AIDS.

Because of my time on younow I found the courage to make more youtube videos. I also found the courage to write and publish a book. Not to mention the courage to become so much more than a puppeteer and reality starlette. I found myself as a part of a community with a great many people that I adore and made friends and fans around the world.

I will miss my friends, my fans, the element of a live broadcast. I will also miss doing my show every Sunday. But over the last nine months I have grown in  faith in so many different ways. I don’t know what’s next for me as far as the book, the show and the single go. However, I know that because of the love I receive on younow and the courage to find my voice and wings it will be good.

And who’s to say a few months down the line I might not stop in and say hi.

Love,

April

Closer to Fine (Indigo Girls)

For the first time in almost three weeks I am starting to feel like myself again. Despite being burglarized, my life is starting to achieve some modicum of normal again. Still the after effects can be felt all over me. It’s being invaded and you never feel the same. Suddenly you want to quadruple lock every door. Then you just get so angry that you work just to have a few things and some people feel the need to take them.

The crazy thing is, I think I know who did this to me too. I wont go into too much detail but I know who it is and can’t lawfully prove it. Sure I could take justice into my own hands. But here’s the thing. I hate dealing with cops when I am a victim, imagine how nasty they can be when you are a suspect. Then again don’t get me started on how victims have no rights, criminals have too many, and white people who can afford the deceased Robert Kardashian have it all.

During this period things got complicated with a friend of mine. Yes he is a ladies man but maybe he is less of a ladies man than I thought. Actually he was quite lovely. If it weren’t for him I wouldn’t have gotten through his disaster. Unfortunately he took a job in Utah at a ski resort. While he wanted to do the long distance thing I pulled the plug. I let him know if things change I will reconsider. But all and all I left with the notion that perhaps I need to chill out. That all men weren’t evil demons determined to make my life miserable by making me their prisoner in an ivory tower of our own doom and destruction. Rather they were breathing beings with thoughts and feelings. And for the first time in a long time I felt like I could love again, like my heart wasn’t a solid ice box.

On the other hand there is still a part of me that is an alley cat, that wants to roam free. One guy I hung out with said he could make me fall in love and get attached but he would never get attached. I wanted to laugh. I knew under that macho bullshit he was fixing to play a game with me. At the same time I am a child of the night, a force of wind and fire. I don’t get attached. I haven’t been faithful since my ex fiancé. Every guy since then I either verbally assaulted because they deserved it or just couldn’t bring myself to stay faithful. Men eventually cheat and always think about it. I figured why not join the party? It’s a way to live that is more true to nature. Humans are the only ones in the animal kingdom that waste their time with the stupidity of feeling.

The good news is that I am back on YouNow again. I was away from doing shows and missed everyone. Sunday’s show was tough. A lot of it was that I have been away and the population on the website has shifted. I always got along with the little Brit kids but the Americans that didn’t have left. As a result of the influx of newbies many didn’t know about my show. Then of course the talk two tab is new. While Sunday’s show had a wonderful spread of new people I felt tired from all the drama and it reflected. Plus I just cussed some folks out earlier on the air. I got some shit but hey. I got thirty new fans as a result.

Monday morning I got an email from someone associated with YouNow about how my show seemed to lag because it hadn’t been on. Perhaps they had picked up on the anger I was feeling. Perhaps they picked up on my tiredness. Perhaps it was that this show wasn’t so well planned. Perhaps it was just time to get over it.

Then I realized that I had a lot going for me. For one I have my Poppy Seeds aka my fans who are all young kids who seemingly look up to me and watch me on younow. They missed me and am glad I am back. The best kick in the head was that I realized for as much as I want it to be things aren’t always about me. It’s selfish for me to have my own pity party plus bounce house while my fans depend on me for inspiration. They need me to be positive. They need me to be there for them, letting them know that if they run into a bully that its not a reflection of them but rather the bully and it’s going to be okay. Plus I also have to make my shows fun and exciting no matter how tired I get. And for as tired as I feel the people at YouNow appreciate my hardwork and effort.

Not to mention this week my episode of Pig Roast With Otto and George premiered on bashboxtv.com. Not only did I get to share air time with the very sexy Wild Cherryz who make me sexier just by second hand smokiness, but I got to work with Otto Petersen, a ventriloquist who is not only legendary but one I look up to. I remember working with him when I was only twenty and he asked if May had a last name. I said no. He said it was important that she have a last name because it would make her more real thus she was Christened May Wilson. Now all my puppets have sirnames. But it was cool working with Otto and I received lots of compliments on the episode.

Then I was on Anthony Bourdain’s new show on the Travel Channel. My gay cop puppet Officer E made his television debut. Actually his full name is Officer Edward Eduardo Edwardsen but he prefers Officer E. Anyway he agreed sushi was too expensive in NYC and he is looking for a rich husband. Look out May Wilson, you may have some competition for the diva chair in the Legendary House of Mama Foxxx. But the crazy thing is, everyone and their mother has seen the episode but I have not. My mother is in the process of tevoing it. I have been on TV a lot this past year and everyone always says to me, “April, saw you on TV.” And they asked me what I thought of it and then I say, “Wait, I was on TV? Tell me all about it. No seriously, I don’t own a TV. Tell me all about it.”

I also did a show for a bunch of kiddies this weekend at a yearly holiday party thrown by a large law firm. The kids loved me, they loved me so much they wouldn’t leave. As a matter of fact they fought over who would hold the sign, who would be the reindeer who would do this or that. Instead of moving on to see the juggler they wanted more puppets. I had three half hour shows. Instead I just kept performing continuously for three and a half hours with no stop because people kept coming in and out, in and out. Then other kids kept coming in with their reluctant parents as hostages because good things were said. Of course then there were the older folks who were fascinated by ventriloquism and wanted to see it. Soon other entertainers were coming in the room because the kiddie traffic was coming my way. While I loved the adoration of my fans and my bosses informed me that I would be back every year because I was so loved I was tired.  I hadn’t done this since my days as a street performer, a career I stopped after a near deadly attack from a psycho homeless dude. While it was fun I forgot how it just made you exhausted. In my sleep I can still hear, “More puppets! More puppets! We want more puppets!”  Tats when I sceam, “NO!!!!”

Then of course I got a fan letter from a retired soldier who saw me in a flick I did two years ago called Lullaby about street performers. The letter was a little crazy but very sweet and he requested a fan photo. I read this to my  friend who had a laugh and we both agreed to call the cops if he showed up at my door with a copy of Catcher in the Rye.

I also found out a year ago when they were talking smack on me on a radio station a comedian I look up to and respect from my hometown who is now making good  called in and defended me. I was like wow. Not only is this guy funny, but he is a Yinzer just like me. I will give you a clue about who it is. He is on the show Mike and Molly. Won’t tell you who he is or what he does but it was enough to let me know not only do people who count know how hard I work but that my hard work is counting for something.

Last night I celebrated my new locks by going kickboxing. However my new locks worked so well  I couldn’t get in let alone any thief in the night. Crying I called my super and called my friend. I also got to meet and befriend a new neighbor. I called my friend Frankie bemoaning my fate asking why the universe wasn’t giving me a break. That’s when he told me I needed to take the bad with the good. While it was hard I took Frankie’s word for it. He’s been through a lot and seems wiser than someone who’s twenty nine. God only knows he has lived a lot more.

Then I thought about it as my super fixed my door. My life was good. Heisman Weekend is fast approaching and I will be part of the festivities. Sure my life was having a rough patch but with the bad there is always the good. As my super fixed my door and I watched my episode of Pig Roast he came over and saw me on screen. Not only did I look different but he informed me he didn’t know I even did that. And he also confessed he had always been a fan of ventriloquism.

God often speaks through my mother and I was ranting about wanting revenge on the person who burgled me and she informed me the best revenge was not putting them in a ditch but living well. And I am living well. Plus it could have been worse. When my mom was burglarized she actually walked in on them. Or they could have killed me. Or they could have taken everything. But they didn’t. My locks are fixed, I have good friends and above all things I feel safe and like April for the first time in forever.

I am going to continue to rock my way up and out. As I told my Mom a year ago that this wasn’t the end but only the beginning. More on the book and the single I am dropping soon as well as a soon to be music video. Until then, watch me this Sunday night from 8-10 pm EST on Confessions on YouNow.com’s Talk Two Channel. This week’s topic is Worst Christmas presents ever. Hope to see you there xoxox April

A Seperate Peace

I recently have been delving back into standup and it has been a weird experience. Not good, not bad, just different coming back. There was a time in my life where I would live and die by the punchline of the joke and the audience reaction. Now I find myself not resenting the art form, not embracing it, but rather not really caring.

About a week ago I did a show in Brooklyn for a small crowd and I found I did an up and down set but didn’t care. I had fun chilling with them afterward and they told me about a roommate of theirs who was trying to be a comedian at one point. Then I did another small show where I actually killed because I was riffing. It was good for my self esteem. It showed me perhaps I still had it. Then I did a show last night for the kids at FIT. It was the end of a long night and they had been there for several hours. By the time they got me they were pleasant, but they wanted to go home. It was a good show, but I felt as if I could have done better. A lot of me knows what I am capable of doing and that’s why it killed me. But there was this nagging voice, “You could have done better.”

It was nice seeing people that I hadnt seen in a while. The weird thing about not being in the clubs is that you don’t see people or meet people in the circuit. But it was good seeing Amy Beckerman who put the event together and it was a successful night. It was fun meeting her dog Porkchop and having Porkchop meet May…..

I have come to a sort of a separate peace with standup. I am not one of the cool kids who hangs out and effortlessly gets spots at Carolines. I will never be the top of the heap and win the “respect” of my peer group. The things that get me attention onstage are my willingness to be different and do anything. I am not known as a good writer or will probably never be saluted as a comics comic. I am a prop act, the most abhorrent in their opinion. I don’t make friends with the “right people” nor will I ever. I don’t have enough chips on my shoulder to be a “good comic.”

However at the same time I have stopped giving a shit about making friends with the right people. While the politics give me a headache I don’t care about getting an effortless spot at Carolines because I am friends with the right people. I don’t even care about the “respect” of my peer group. About a year ago I received more TV air time than any of them will in their entire careers. Fuck being the comics comic, no one ever knows the name of the comics comic. Hell I left that mindset in the dust long ago. I want to be famous. Shoot me for having ambition. When is the last time someone stopped you for a fan photo?

At the same time I still want to be a good comic and want to do what it takes in order to get that respect. I want to be one of the cool kids and sometimes even want to placate to them. Maybe I should talk about boring stuff or go on about my period like a lot of other female comedians. Did I say I was at a weird place? Yeah, I am honest. At least I have that going for me in this game. And maybe I will never be rated as one of the best comedians or one of the best female comedians but I no longer find myself caring. I don’t freaking know. Weird place…

On the other hand, things have been popping with the talk show. Last week at one point we had as many as two hundred people watching in our chat. I have been devoting all my time and energy on that as well as my advice column to the exclusion of all other things. I book guests, dream up new themes, host, and manage my peeps in my house. Sure it is work hosting people every week but it gives me an excuse to clean. Someone once told me that when something is a struggle it means you shouldn’t be doing it. It’s your will and not the universe’s will for you. And this, for as hard as it is to get off the ground, seems to be as smooth as butter.

I actually find I am a good host. I keep things moving a long and treat my guests with kindness as I keep everyone laughing. I am much better at that than I ever was as a standup and truth be told, I am okay with it. A few months ago when I left standup altogether I lamented it was a waste of time. My mom pointed out that it wasn’t a waste of time at all and that if I hadnt spent the time and energy I did in the clubs the doors wouldn’t have opened the way they did and I wouldn’t be hosting the talk show that I am now. Rather standup was a springboard not the final destination. Did I mention my mom is the smartest woman I know?

The people at YouNow are pleased with what I am doing as far as the show goes and how things are coming together. Yes I am not rolling in the dough but this past year I have seen glimpses of financial security. Things are starting to come together and for me the talk show is the next right thing. I feel like I am moving in a positive direction and keeping the momentum going rather than letting my puppet children and myself die the slow, painful death a reality TV star could.

At this point it looks like I am meant to host this talk show and do the standup as a means to stretch myself and make myself visible rather than to make that my ultimate destination. I like the talk show, I like the prospect of publishing a book, and I like making music. These things are coming easy to me. The standup never did.

They say the universe tells you where you are meant to be and maybe I have seen the light. Maybe the light is the talk show and maybe I have given the standup dream the ultimate light. Sure I will take the stage time when given it but I am not scrapping for it anymore. Did I think I would be saying this when I was twenty four, living hand to mouth, sleeping in my clothes because I got home late for a set, and spending every weekend on the road? Hell no. But I am saying it now.

Meet April Brucker: Talk Show Host, Actress, Ventriloquist, Comedian, Author, Singer and Advice Columnist. Did I forget happy and successful person? Love April

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Confessions/127192550719508

Confessions: The Story Behind My Web Show Thus Far

I host a webshow online called Confessions. I actually landed this web show through a sort of crazy set of circumstances. About a year and a half ago I was involved on a show with Shovio network. It was a tremendous opportunity. I got to work with Leslie Gold. As a boss she taught me a lot, especially about being a woman in broadcasting. I also got to work with Starr and Buckwild. While I never met Karith Foster and Abriola Abrams directly it was cool knowing I shared airspace with them. While I parted with my cohost, I had always wanted to host a show again.

Only a few months before I had maintained an advice column in a small rag in Key West. It was short lived because my publisher didn’t have it together. I got a lot of letters from LGBTQ people seeking advice. My reasoning was I can’t tell you what to do but I can tell you what not to do from experience. Yes I know I am a publicity seeking trainwreck but I come about it honestly.

Then I got the opportunity to do the reality show and press tour with my puppet children last fall. I remember all the fan mail I got, and a lot of it being from young people. They talked about how they admired my courage to be myself and how I wasn’t knocked down no matter what. To me that was sort of sweet because truth be told that courage took a lot of pain to discover. I also got letters from young people, especially young women, who poured their hearts out about being with men who treated them badly and either how they got out or how they felt they deserved to be punching bags. Those letters broke my heart.

To give you a background I spoke on the show about being in an abusive relationship in my early twenties and how that crushed my spirit. I don’t blame him as much as I used to. A bad relationship is a two way street and I was young, inexperienced and going through a rough patch. However I found myself educating people about this. In between that I also found myself involved in some grass roots AIDS activism and safe sex education and championing those causes, partially because my friend Roger had been positive before he passed. In addition I also found myself involved in anti-bullying campaigns.

During this time my mother and I spoke about me being A-political as long as I was going to be visible and for the most part I am non-partisan in order to appease my fans. I am pro-gay rights, pro-choice, pro-marajuana legalization and very socially liberal. However I also believe criminals have too many rights in this country and I also champion the second amendment and believe the government should not be in the people’s business. I also believe we help out too many countries and we need to stop doing that and should fix ourselves. Yes I like Ron Paul. However the more of a platform I was given the more I was speaking about things closest to my heart. While I agree with my mother, I believe I was given this visibility for a reason. And that reason is not only to share my art but to educate people about the dangers of domestic violence and abusive relationships as well as to give a voice to those who face discrimination, such as those living with HIV/AIDS as well as anti-bullying awareness.

Around May of this year I became a part of the YouNow network. I started as a part of their test broadcasts which ran a few times a week. Originally it was me and my puppets. Then I expanded not just to my puppets but to funny little costumes. As I spent more time on there I also began to sing. Sure I had been a singing telegram delivery person for x amount of years but always still felt intimidated singing in front of people. However this past year I had branched out into music with the help of my friend Marcus Yi. What I noticed on the site though was the record number of young people. Being used to the NYC comedy scene I could be a little raw sometimes. However the young folks didn’t like that. They were fans of the puppets, the costumes and the less heavy things. After one broadcast where the language was foul and the subject was too political I got the infom that perhaps tailor it to the less sophisticated and more sensitive crowd. Right away I obliged. After all, at times they could take over the site.

In August of this year YouNow became a twenty four hour deal and I was on the site night and day it seemed. Sometimes the young folks and I got along, sometimes we butted heads. What I realized when we butted heads was that I was literally looking at myself in the mirror. While sometimes it was tempting to give these youngins the smackdown I had to remember they were still kids and once upon a time I was just as bad if not worse. Now the question remained, what example did I want to be to these kiddies?

 I also had people tuning in from all over the world. After a bunch of kids from Italy thought I was swearing at them when I was freestyling, it was an all out cyber war that night it seemed. It was one of those moments where it could have been internet blood shed or it could have been peace. Something in me chose peace and that’s when I flipped the script and did some comedy and sang for them. Because of this, the war abruptly ended and I got seven new subscribers to my youtube page. I had some detractors that I won over just by being myself. Either way, I was learning some hard and fast rules that while certain customs and art forms are lost in translation there is more than one way to the center of the Tootsie Roll pop.

Of course since the site was brand new there weren’t the moderators or measures to protect broadcasters from cyberbullies. I had my share because I was different. At first they depressed me but then I remembered I had been in an abusive relationship. This wasn’t nearly as bad. These idiots weren’t even showing their faces. I was being tested all over again it seemed. After the security measures were implemented and people could be banned this all stopped.

After that we launched as part of TechCrunch Disrupt where facebook was discovered. I was asked to be a part of the launch as someone broadcasting on the talk channel. I was psyched at the prospect of being part of something so groundbreaking. The site was featured on Discovery Channel Tech Week where my buddy J.Rilla was front and center. I remember being so excited. Things were coming together beautifully. Problem was, there wasn’t much traffic to the talk channel.

I chatted with Adi Sideman, the owner of the site on strategies of getting more traffic to the talk channel. That’s when I came up with my show Confessions. I would get people to call in via webcam and talk about whatever was going on with them. My friends Brad and Octavio as well as Roger always told me I would be a good talk show host. And I had always dreamed of having my own talk show. However my time with the man from hell in my early twenties had not only killed that dream but made me shelve it. It was only when I was twenty three and had a short lived relationship with a lawyer who demanded to know more about me than, “Hi, I’m April. My ex was a loser who treated me like crap.”

While I had spoken about this dream I never had the self esteem to follow through with it. It was only after a rough 2009 did I start producing my own talk show with May when she interviewed people and had celebrity guests. But that was on youtube. This was on an actual channel. I remember getting the opportunity and thinking, “WOW!”

But the Tuesday time slot didn’t make much sense so now I am at Sunday from 8-10 pm EST. Since the move the show dominates my life force. I spend waking moments dreaming up new comedy bits to keep it light, recruiting guests to keep it interesting, and letting people know they can call in. When I broadcast I tell people ad nauseum about my program. As a bonus I have a portion of the show where I answer my advice column live on the air. This show is different than the one I had on Shovio where my co-host sought to humiliate people. I don’t do that. Rather I want a safe and welcoming environment where people can drop their shit and laugh about life whatever may be going on. I want to be a host that lets people know they can laugh and love.

The crazy thing is, since Confessions I have found myself talking more about the relationship from hell in my early twenties. Tonight I found myself speaking about that phase in my life on the music channel after singing a song for what I intended to be a publicity spot. But if it weren’t for that I wouldn’t have the self esteem and self reliance that I have now, and I didnt realize that until these young folksdoing religious music, asked me how I felt about church. While I abhor crazed Jesus freaks I do try to go each week. I don't even know how it happened but I started talking about the fact I knew there was a God because I knew there was a devil and talked about how dark that portion of my life was and how my faith saved me. For the record, I don't testify a whole lot so that was surreal. Nonetheless, it was wonderful how despite their faith these young people were balanced and gave me support and love. I also realized there was a reason I was able to get out of that dark period in my life, and how I have come such a long way. And that is why it is important I be around for people to look up to.

I love the fact I have so many young fans on that network. I love the fact they fan me and know the names of my puppets and request puppets and gags. But I also want them to quote me as saying that I was the person who told them it wasn't okay for someone to bully them whether it was a mean girl or significant other. That I was the person who gave them the confidence to be themselves and to follow their dreams whatever those dreams may be. That I was the person who gave them a safe place to talk about what was going on with them, prodded them with a gentle challenge, and still kept them laughing because as well as a puppet mother I am a den mother. In addition, I love that Adi Sideman and Robert Galinsky make it a safe environment for the young folk which helps make my mission even easier.

Tonight as I did my bizarre impromptu testimony on the talk channel I realized these trials were in my life for a reason. My abusive relationship made me strong and gave me the ability to stand up and say no to a bully, no matter who they are. The fan mail from the reality show let me know people were watching me, I was reaching them, and that I had to continue to do so.

As for the lawyer ex, things didn’t end well and my head wasn’t in such a good place. I am sorry I was a little damaged. But I wanted to thank you because you got me to talk about a dream I had shelved never believing I would possess the power to make it come true.

So now this show is my life blood and I am probably making the people who run YouNow crazy. Never said I was sane people. But as I tell my mother it’s not the end it is only the beginning. And to make my dad happy I think I will get an alien abductee. I am still trying to recruit one.

Now that you heard me pour my heart out tune into Confessions on the YouNow network’s talk channel every Sunday night 8-10 pm EST. It’s where all the cool kids are. I invite you to get your webcam and to tell your story and to take the challenge. We will be waiting for you. Xo April

PS. Check out our facebook fan page and visit us there http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Confessions/127192550719508

Trust, Love and Other Matters

I have recently started dating again. The crazy thing about men is that they don’t understand that there is life outside of them. Hell, the only life they want to experience is getting inside of you sometimes it seems. I know the game when it comes to men. They only want one thing and they think that they are the ones to give it to you. I don’t trust them. I will say it. It doesn’t make me a man hater. It doesn’t make me a feminazi. It makes me have a third of a half of a brain. I have lived a lot for my years on this planet and I can tell you from experience there are some evil people in this world, direct spawns of Satan. And it’s not just men I don’t trust. It’s women too. Trust is like money, it must be earned.

A few months ago I was out with a guy who felt just because he spent a few hundred dollars on me he should have gotten me into bed. I told him I didn’t move that fast with people. That’s when he starts telling me he knows I will change my mind and ride his motorcycle. I told him I didn’t move that fast with people because I have friends with people because of the disease factor. Suddenly it’s the whole, “I’m clean.” Thing. Oh sure, and I had friends hear the same claim before being stuck with HIV, the Christmas present we all remember and the gift that keeps on giving.

Of course then there was the blast from my past who showed up drugged out of his mind. He had to be oxyed the fuck out. Not only was he slurring his speech, but he looked bloated like Jim Morrison before the end of his life. I had known this person at a time in my life where the party just kept going it seemed. During that part of my life Jack Daniels and I could have been running buddies we knew each other so well. At the time this person seemed okay and we were pretty good friends. Then he shows up and we hung out and had coffee. That’s when he asked me the most suspicious question in the world, “Do you drink water?” Oh so you can slip me something G-Man? That’s when I lied and said I had to run. I never realized how creepy he was. Wowsa.

Then there is the potential sugar daddy, the dinosaur with attitude. Oh yes he is quite successful and is worth a few million dollars. While this is all true I actually enjoy his company. He is not only successful but sharp. Yes, I could talk to him for hours. While a little bit of an egomaniac he has his charm. However he blabs like a damn woman. Part of me knows if I had loose lips like his having the adventures that I have had I would be a corpse but then again men have it easy all the time now don’t they? They can live as long as they want and be as dumb as they want too. Anyway he keeps telling me that I can trust him. While he is almost there we are not quite there. Not to mention that he is now pressing me to come to his house and you know what. I don’t know if it is going to happen. Then again he has proposed it before and then always had to go home for bed time. Maybe he can’t close the deal. Either way, I was once charmed by him but now not so sure. And to top it off he thinks I should drop everything for him. Sorry Clarence, some of us in this world are still on our training wings and have to earn the realies so we can fly. Unless you are helping me earn my wings or helping me pay my rent you are going to have to take a number like the rest of the mutherfuckers out there.

Of course there are always the fucking people who claim to know people that can help me with my career. One dude I met in passing claims his son in law is a big agent. I have been without an agent for years. Anyway I should be expecting a call from his SIL. Ha ha. I have heard this a million times before. I bet you his SIL is the mailroom boy at this firm. Who knows? Either way, I am without representation and currently doing very well. I book work and have seen more TV time than my friends who are repped. So what I don’t have some fancy schamsy name behind me? I do well for myself. Bottom line, I know the game. Don’t treat me like I am stupid.

Then there are the people who claim to have big connections. One dude trying to worm his way into my crew claimed to be a successful child actor and even went so far as to insist that he was Chunk in Goonies. I looked it up on wiki. He was not Chunk in Goonies. Jeffrey Rush was. Then there is the other dude who claims he repped Sandra Bernhardt coming into my world. I don’t know if I believe him. Hell I don’t believe anyone anymore.

To top it off with the success I have seen this year I have witnessed some friends turn into enemies. Well they weren’t friends anyway. One actually went so far as to defend me a few years back when an ex of mine was stalking me online. I would see him in the neighborhood and we would be cool. Suddenly when some jealous bitch sent a tip into Gawker he was all over the site making up shit about me and decrying my TV appearance as ripping off a news network. I told the truth fair and square. I got more TV time than you will ever get in your sinking career so eat that. Then he went so far as to befriend this stalker ex. Well he showed me who he was, jealous fucks of a feather flock together. The other way I was walking in the neighborhood and this dumbass was brunching with a friend of his and he was throwing shade at me. Well I threw shade right back at him by pretending not to see him. Hey, I am too good to acknowledge his existence. Just letting him know.

Of course then there was one chick who has no talent whatsoever and looks like a treasure troll in drag. We used to be friendly from time to time and even shared a few cab rides home. However after I did a TV appearance suddenly she could barely say hello and one of her ugly friends and her were talking about me somewhere where I could hear them. I was like whatever bitches, I worked hard for this hate.

The worst was right after I was on Joy Behar I was at a comedy club I used to work at. I was hanging out and talking to people who had seen the show. Suddenly I saw someone who I was friends with at one point. While not so talented he was a nice dude. I thought I would get the big hello from him and the crew but instead they threw shade by not even looking at me. When did I become the asshole here? Either way there will come a time when they need something and I will not know them. Shade thrown.

My mom always said it best. “April, there are only two people you can trust in this world, your mother and Jesus.” Maybe she was right.

But I know one thing for sure. My Confessions Show debuts tomorrow on YouNow.com’s talk channel from 12-2. Anyone can broadcast from anywhere as long as they have a webcam. The audience can vote to keep you on or kick you off. Best confession wins a fifty dollar donation in your name to the charity of your choice. It is happening this Tuesday and every Tuesday thereon out. Here is the link to the video I made promoting the show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVZ05r2nAso

Maybe I have not yet earned my wings but I am well on my way xoxoxo April