Jesus in My Underwear Drawer

I don't know what it is about people but as soon as they find Jesus they go ape shit. It's not like it is ever a good thing when they find him. Actually those like me who were born going to church have more of a whatever attitude. I love God and I consider myself more spiritual than religious. I leave room for all beliefs no matter how crazy. Heck, I was raised in a faith that taught a man was born from a chick who was a virgin and no sexual contact took place-but an angel told her she was embarking on the most spiritual-and probably painful when you think about it-event of her life. This is not medically possible but there have been millions of people killed over this. Fo' McSerious.

A former friend of mine from back in the day has recently found Jesus. She has joined this whacky church where they go seven days a week and stuff. I mean, already that is a big, red light. Anyway, she posts about going and all the things the pastor says. He says some things that are on point. But then it's the fact they are so obsessed is a big red light. These days my buddy is ending all of her sentences in an exclamation point. That is another sign of just nuts. Not to mention she used to be all Democrat and even joined Amnesty International with us when we were in high school. Now she takes her vitamins with her daily dose of Fox News. It's one thing to lean a little to the right, it's another just to be crazy. My buddy is just crazy.

A girl I went to high school with who was a bit of a wild child and her mom used to show up to places bra less and was cool has now become a Jesus freak. She preaches to anyone who will listen. She has even gone so far as to open up a Jesus Cafe. Would it be appropriate to ask for Devil Food Cake? Or better yet, should I tell her Jesus was a Jew?

A little fan girl of mine went and joined a crazy church. She was a good kid and I liked her. But then she started to change and once I posted gay people deserved rights and she said that Jesus didnt want us comfortable in our sin and blah blah blah. I was like, "This is not you." Needless to say she stopped following me. Someone who is that militant is never happy. That is all there is to it.

I had a former puppet maker of mine go Jesus Freaky on me. She announced she would not contribute any more to my act. Apparently she didnt find my so called "irreverence" funny. Whatever. Meanwhile I had sent this nut job my mother, my sister, and several of her friends. Jesus may have watched over her, but I kept her business going for a little bit even when her level of production was unpredictable and she didnt follow directions because it was against God's will. My belief is that she suffers from bi-polar disorder, because I have encountered her in the midst of severe mood swings and all. I do believe that she is one of those people who is holding on to God because she holds on by a thread.

That's what irks me most about Christianity. A lot of people who are overzealous adherents are in fact holding on by a thread. It's one thing to love God, it's another thing to just be nuts. I dated a guy a few years ago who's mother claimed she had a direct link to God. I had been engaged to a complete psycho-an atheist by the way-when I met George Washington. Unlike his counterpart who couldnt tell a lie George could never tell the truth. Anyway, his mother wrote me several letters a week starting with the phrase, "God told me to write to you" and boasted of how God talked to her. Each would wrap up with how her son was my soul mate. Needless to say her boy was not my soul mate. And when we broke up this lady began trashing me to anyone who would listen. I found her a few weeks ago trashing me. I was like Liz, what would Jesus do.

My mom is currently being bullied by some mouth breathing mega-church goers she made the mistake of doing business with. I told her this: The Man they used to own is now running their country. The people their book says are going to hell are not only getting rights, but now they going to be forced under the law to marry them in their churches. And you have several degrees so you are't making babies. Not to mention they want to teach Creationism-a story where God was bored one day, created a man, and then created a woman. They decry evolution despite the fact there is fossil evidence to back it up. And Creationism is just a story and does not even begin to explain the dinosaurs. These morons want it to be taught alongside Chemistry and Biology.

Sigh, I just found Jesus in my underwear drawer. God does he like Victoria's Secret.

Actually, that's a lie. The NRA loves God and guns and accidentally shot him as an intruder. I mean, that long hair and robe is kind of off putting.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
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Using My Voice: Why We Should All Vote

Election Day is here. We are all sick of hearing about it. We have the Democrats promising more change. While there has been a lot done to clean up the proverbial oil spill Bush has left, there is still a lot of wreckage and our country is far from being perfect. There are the Republicans promising economic growth but unsure of how they are going to trim the budget while they take away the rights of women and gays. But the thing is, it takes many ideas to make the world go round. And therefore it takes many opinions to make this country work.

This morning I went to the polls. I didnt know when I was going to vote but the sign said voting here and then had aqui for our Spanish friends. When I went it was like a school assembly. Go here, go there. I saw friends and there was an odd bonding like we were all here doing something important. I saw a guy I knew from college on his way to work and he had just cast his ballot for Obama. Then a man I barely know from the gym but it friends with a million of my friends was eating a bananna and we exchanged a high five. We had just cast our ballot. We had just used our voices. We had just made our point.

There is all this mumbo jumbo that your voice doesn't count because of the electoral college. The truth of the matter is, your voice doesn't count only if you don't make it count. In my twenty-eight years of life I have learned you are only out of the ball game if you put yourself on the bench. I made my voice count. I made myself heard. I voted and when I marked my ballot I casted what I believed in.

When I voted for President Obama I said that women deserved equal protection under the law. We are not second class citizens. We deserve clinics like the Planned Parenthood because we need gyno care and cannot always afford it. I also protected my right to choose. My right to choose is not just to have an abortion but also to give my child up for adoption. My right to choose is to choose to keep my child and raise it. Under the law I have a choice. None are easy. But the Republicans want to take that away. They want to control my uterus. I am saying no.

When I vote for Obama I am also defending my rights as a stalking victim. There are conservative male critics who would say that someone like myself who had an ex who was abusive I deserved this. But because of liberals there are places where women like myself can seek counseling and shelter because it is not our fault. I also had a fan stalk me a few months ago. While I am slowly getting my confidence back, I know that again, there are places where I can seek protection and it is liberal legislation. It is people like them who tell me it's not my fault. It is people like them who protect women and don't want to take us back to 1950s and put us into binders.

When I vote for President Obama I am saying that I want my gay friends to have equal protection under the law as well. This means that they are not treated as second class citizens in a country where they work and pay taxes. This means that they have things like hospital visits with their partners and the right to marry without some misinformed bigot telling them that an outdated book condemns their so called choice when science has proven that this is all biology.

When I vote for President Obama I am saying that I support stem cell research. My brother and sister are both in research. Stem cells are currently helping people with cancer and AIDS. No one asks for cancer and despite the stigma no one asks for AIDS either. While the Christians selfishly use every excuse for their worn out pro-life platform, stem cells are saving lives. I am saying yes we can.

When I vote for President Obama I am saying that I want universal health care. I am a freelancer and sometimes things wax and wane with my job. While my lifestyle is my choice, a full time job would mean benefits but also take me away from my career. With universal healthcare I have coverage no matter what. Also it protects poor children who did not ask to be brought into this world with single mothers. They need healthcare too. What about them?

When I vote for Obama I am saying global warming is a concern. I live in a city that has been through a hurricane. We had an earthquake yesterday in Jersey and as a New Yorker I was sick from the aftermath. We supposedly have a snow storm this week. The Republicans deny this while I know this is a fact. We had no winter last year. Big industry has destroyed our planet. People in the Rockaways have no food, clothing or shelter. Mitt wants to take away FEMA. I am saying no. I am saying these people are helpless through no fault of their own. I am saying that they don't deserve to loose everything. I am saying you are out of touch Mitt.

When I vote for Obama I am saying thank you for cleaning up the economy and for making my job that nearly dried up in 2009 have a second life. As a freelancer I can tell you that around the middle of 2010 and 2011 when my job began picking up there were tremendous signs of growth in the economy. It was all because of the hard work of our president.

I espoused my views and maybe you disagreed. However no matter what your views are your job is to make your voice heard. Maybe you hate Obama. Maybe you hate the health care plan because you are pro-life and don't want to pay for my birth control or abortions. Maybe you are anti-gay marriage because of your religious beliefs. Maybe you are anti-stem cell because of your faith as well. Maybe you believe global warming is a myth. Maybe you are unemployed and furious. Maybe you believe Mitt will clean up the economy. If that is your belief, don't just take it to facebook like a numskull. Go and vote and make your voice heard.

There are many opinions in this world. I have friends and family members that are Republicans. It's not even because they are anti-gay or crazy but don't want the government in their business. Some are pro-life for religious reasons. I would say that they are still good people.

No matter what our beliefs are we must stand together and make this country work. We must make our voices heard on the ballot. We must let the people speak.

In the words of PA Republican senator Tim Murphy, "It is important that both parties work together to make things better."

So what I am trying to say is, if you want more Obama, VOTE!. If you want some Mitt, VOTE!

Don't just sit on your ass.

V-O-T-E!

Love April

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

www.buybooksontheweb.com

877-Buy-Book

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