Being Believed

It's the advent of the #MeToo movement. I am both proud and somewhat ashamed to say I fill the hashtag. I have earned the hashtag many times, more than I would care to admit not only to others, but to myself. I spoke about my experience to let others know that they weren't alone, but also to let others know that it didn't make them a victim to speak.

When it happens you always feel like a victim. There is part of your brain that tells you that you are overreacting. When I revealed to female friends an incident that happened when I was younger, one where a group of drunken white boys accosted me and I kicked off my shoes in order to get away, I wasn't believed. This female friend told me it was my "bad decisions" and that "you always put yourself there."

Not only did I stop being friends with her, but it made me feel like I was alone. In my experience, the most awful group when it comes to women is not men, but women themselves. Trans women, for instance, are more likely to be raped and assaulted. They are less likely to report. Among female activists, many do not want to address domestic violence and how cops treat trans women as a joke. Because of this they suffer. It's not a choice to transition. The only thing trans women are choosing is less rights and more oppression.

This is why the TERFs like Rose McGowan turn my stomach and make me ill. She not only invalidated that poor trans woman who challenged her, but then she went on a self-centered, cisgendered tirade, therefore closing the discussion for all victims.

I have walked alone as a victim. I have not been believed. There were people who didn't believe me when I said an ex of mine choked me. There were people who didn't believe me when I said a mentally ill partner was using his family members to stalk me. I would never shut anyone or any victim out of the discussion.

That being said, I have known women who unfortunately lie. The former girlfriend of a mutual friend, a drug addict who was later diagnosed with borderline, claimed he raped her. As the bandwagon formed, I had my doubts as she was known to lie. Later, she admitted she made the story up. While she is more the exception than the rule, there are these instances. These idiots who do this make it harder for the victims and less likely to believe. These liars are as bad as the rapists themselves.

Reading about Aaron Glaser this morning made my stomach turn. I had only met him once. He made my skin crawl. I didn't know why but I wanted to get away from him. When I read about what he did I was not shocked. Steve Crowder defended him which only made me believe the victims more. Aaron Glaser approached the crisis as an entitled whiner. I was part of the internet pitchfork mob bombarding his facebook wall.

Around this time, I revealed to a friend who I have become quite close with in the last two years. An older male, I didn't know how he would react but he is super easy to talk to. As I was waiting for his response, he gave me one I didn't expect. He said, "You went to New York to fulfill your dreams. You are still there. You're a survivor. Give yourself some credit."

He's right. I am a survivor. Some days are better than others but I am.

I get back at these predatory men not only by surviving, but by thriving. I have a career in comedy, laden with ups and downs. I have written two books and am working on a third. I released a calendar and line of merchandise. My one woman show is gearing to do a run in NYC, and I have started a master's program in writing. Life is not easy sometimes, but we all have a strike or two against us and we have to work with it.

Every time I think of the predatory men that hurt me, I use that energy to further myself because success is the best revenge. They will always be predators but it doesn't mean I have to be prey. I am not waiting for an apology I might never get, so instead I treat others the way I want to be treated, but treat myself that way, too.

As for Aaron Glaser, that NY Post piece was the funniest damn joke he has ever written in his entire career. Who believes that bullshit farce, #NOTME!

And one last thing, years ago I would have cried at the photo below because I was filled with such self-hate because of the damage predatory males did to me. Now I take them with style, not because I am acting out but because I want to and it's fun. So to all those doubters and predators, eat my dust, shitheads!

buy my shiznit

#MeToo

This morning I got a friend request from an the best friend of an ex who was abusive. The whole experience was jarring to say the least. I know I am safe in the studio I am subletting for the residency in Culver City. Still, this piece of my past is one that is like the Indiana Jones Holy Grail. I look and there is a part of my spirit that gets sucked out.

I never disliked my ex's friend. He was actually a nice dude. But the memories are like open wounds with lots of poison being poured in.

It's always like that with DV. There are never enough laws to protect you. And when there finally are it's because enough women are dead. There are people who don't believe you because they don't see your partner at his or her most evil.Or they think you should get over it. Everyone has all the answers for world's most unwelcome party guest.

There are well meaning people telling me it is a part of the past and it is. But when your ex was part of the reason you invested in a PO Box it's kind of hard.

My ex threatened me physically, emotionally, and sexually. We need to keep the dialogue going. That way men like OJ can be convicted, showing the world women like Nicole matter regardless of their color.

My life is different and better now. I am not afraid. I am also not afraid to press the block button because clearly my ex's friend is just like him. Yes I do need to get on with my life. But again we need to keep talking because without a conversation there can be no change. Now to change my underwear. Because yeah, my mom always said to go to school with fresh panties.......

Had to end this blog on a light note.

Buy My Calendar

Comedy Rapists And Other Things

NYC Comedy it seems has rapist of the week. And each week, each rapist represents a different demographic. Hey, we are all about diversity in NYC comedy. We have a rapist of color. We now even have a rapist that's a woman too. Hell, there's a rapist for everyone.

It's fitting because the scene can be a toxic orbit of jealousy, gossip, and intrigue sometimes. I have been both a gossiper and fodder for freak of the week. NYC comedy can be a lot like high school sometimes. Who's dating who. Who's fucking who for stage time. Who's sending bookers their naked pics? Who's fucking their manager? The list goes on and on to the point where these days I try to stay as far away from gossip and the rumor mill as possible.

Yes, the rumor mill. Where you get sucked in and then the rest is history. And when you are in the rumor mill it's a vicious cycle of being repeated. The entire time you are not working on your jokes nor are you furthering your career. It's just a bunch of hacks who will always do open mics, never to be an envious middler let alone headline.

When the UCB incident happened a year ago, I will admit I got sucked in to commenting on the alleged rapist's facebook page. My brief encounters with him made me think he was aggressive and less than trustworthy. It offended me that he had victimized women, who, like him, had come to NYC to follow their dreams. It offended me that they were afraid to come forward. It offended me people stepped up to defend him.

But then I went to Vegas. I went away from the toxicity of NYC and into other drama. When I was doing a spot there I joked that I would take a new set of bullshit. They laughed. They were more supportive overall, but there was still gossip. As in two days later I was booked on another show and they had all heard about my act. For better or for worse, drama traveled fast.

With too much time to kill and not enough focus, I saw on facebook the UCB rapist was back. He had booked a national commercial which made my skin crawl. Then again, Bill Cosby had made Jello commercials for years and had been a gyno of all things on his TV show. And the kicker was, he joked that UCB was cheaper than lawyer fees. And he made his profile pic a Duke Lacrosse Jersey.

This all set off a button in me and I went SJW. I commented on his posts, fought with the straight white males, and even the one woman defending him. She must have been a family member or he had to have been paying her. His family was on there which was disgusting, defending and enabling. Then as I was acid tongued and lightning fingered behind the keyboard I realized I was the very thing I hated, a comet in the toxic orbit I so despised.

So I logged off. It didn't help with the headliner set I had to prepare. It didn't help me get funnier. It didn't change what happened to those women. Bottom line, the UCB rapist might not have been charged and convicted but he will forever be guilty in the court of public opinion. That stings worse of all. Ask OJ.

Did I perform naked Saturday? Wouldn't you like to know? Tune in for the next blog if you want to find out......

And naked or not, Saturday's show was between consenting adults. (Hack rape joke. Rape jokes are funny)

Buy my book to see me naked

Duck Tales

A few days ago I was watching television with my parents. My dad hates commercials. As a matter of fact, whenever one pops on, he changes the channel. It’s his domain, he has control of the clicker. Lately, he has been hooked on the show black*ish. However, like every show that needs sponsors.

So we found ourselves on the nature channel. It was a documentary on ducks.

In the first part, it was talking about ducks in the Arctic who did not fly South for the winter. These ducks were hardier it seemed. They stuck together, and let me tell you they didn’t put up with any smack from the bigger predators. The narrator explained the ducks needed to find food, and the camera illustrated these ducks diving underwater and basically eating every clam on the bottom of the Arctic floor. Apparently, ducks are known to not only swallow clams full, but they also clean up the whole sea bed wherever they are.

The narrator also informed us that this was the first time the ducks were ever captured swimming. And let me tell you before I thought they just put their head in the water and maybe caught a fish. But this was legit deep sea diving. I looked at my mom. We both concurred ducks were much cooler than people gave them credit for being.

Then the narrator also told the viewers the ducks waited for open ice patches in order to keep up their lifestyle. That wasn’t easy. These ducks were amazing.

After that, it cut to the ducks that flew south for the winter. My dad surmised the gators were going to get those creatures. However, there was more to come. Apparently this was when ducks mated. The males were preening their feathers, and apparently it was okay to fight with other male ducks over women.

As this happened, a female duck and her male friend were profiled. Apparently, this duck had been friendzoned. While she was making no move to mate with him, he was by her side like an unsung knight in shining armor making sure no male ducks got fresh. The rest of the male ducks tried, but he attacked them. She made no move to mate with him, thus not only continuing to friendzone Donald but now he was being cock blocked all the way.

The narrator then told the viewers that ducks were a species where during mating, if a female duck refused the advances of a male duck, the male ducks could force copulation. Holy shit! Duck rape. No means maybe in this animal kingdom. Of course this was happening on camera. Were these foolhardy ducks aware this could be used against them? Oh nevermind, there is no duck court. So basically, ducks behave like a bunch of frat boys.

“They are Cosby Ducks.” My dad explained changing the channel.

“Dad, while I get what you are saying, you are technically incorrect. These ducks were awake.” I informed him.

My dad nodded in agreement.  Duck rape was where this family drew the line. After the show cut to commercial, we were back to the ducks. Now the duck rape had stopped. Apparently, the female Daisy had seen Donald’s devotion. He had protected her from duck rape. She realized that he stuck by her side, listened to her whine, and perhaps this friend she had so friendzoned was worthy of a promotion to mate. Donald and Daisy got together.

It was a ducky ending. I want a man who protects me from duck rape. New standard. 

www.aprilbrucker.com

Fighting Back

A few weeks ago, I was minding my own business on the street in Manhattan. It was the day before I was to be published in the Huffington Post. Things were going well. That is, when I was approached by a man I knew in passing. We began talking and the next thing I knew he grabbed my hand. His grip was hard, iron clad. I asked him to let my hand go and he said no. I repeatedly asked him until I yanked it out.

I was alarmed. I never realized this acquaintance was such a sick fuck. As a young person, and I have written about this, I experienced a violent relationship with a former fiancé. One thing about me is that I don't take any kind of bullying-especially bullying from a man-lying down. So just when I didn't think it could get worse it did. The idiot asked me if I could have a hug. I told him no. And then he had the nerve to ask me why. That is when I cursed him out. I was so angry and scared that I didn't know what he was going to do next. But this idiot wasn't going to take advantage of me. So I stomped on his foot, spit on him, and ran in the other direction. For the rest of the day I was so angry. I was angry some sick man thought he could take advantage of me because I was a woman who wasn't all that big. I was angry that for as bright and accomplished as I was, and as many women are, we still are treated like second class citizens on the street. I was angry that in a world where women supposedly have equal rights we are still victims to sadists who feel this behavior is appropriate.

Later, I found out this idiot had a history of doing this to women. Many of these women either got upset and changed their routine as not to see this creep, or they just felt uncomfortable and sick. They told me I was a "hero." Still, the whole experience left me shaken. I wanted to believe so badly sexism was dead, but unfortunately the beast is alive and well.

I am writing this because had I not known self-defense I would have been a victim. While women's rights have come a long way, unfortunately we are still moving targets on the street. There are men who still prey on us. This is why we need to fight back.

I am writing this blog to encourage all women to take self-defense. Take it at your local YMCA or karate school. Not only is it a good workout, but it also centers you and is a great way to express anger management. The common misconception about self-defense is that it teaches you to be a hot head. The first thing any self-defense instructor will tell you is that a truly brave person avoids conflict, and fights when they have no other option.

Yesterday Aries, the assistant, spoke of a champion MMA fighter who had come out of an abusive marriage and trained with him. Having no money, she cleaned mats at his gym. But she trained and said she would never let that happen to her again. It gave me hope not just after my little scuffle, but that I had been doing the right thing by transforming myself from the pathetic person who had endured the bully of a partner I had at twenty-one.

It was the universe's subtle way of letting me know that yes, this was a good thing I was doing for myself and I had to continue to do good things for myself. It also let me know that it was going to be alright. The message self-defense gives women is that they can only be victims if they allow themselves. The message I give anyone regardless of race, color, creed, or gender is that you are only a victim if you allow others to make you so. It also makes me more fearless with my activism. While that is an identity that makes some uncomfortable, it serves to help others.

There are no victims, there are only volunteers.

If my message is too much for some (and when I say some I mean mostly men unfortunately), I am sorry I am not in the comfortable mold called pathetic woman. If my message is too in your face, I am sorry I don't speak like a lady. If you think labeling me as an angry woman for the way I handled that dip shit is appropriate, do it. I will lose no sleep.

I could speak about the issues the world at large has against women. About how the white, hederosexist majority has declared a war against my gender. About how religion in general has declared a war against my gender. But that is for another blog. However, one must always fight back.

That is why I recommend Jeanene and Aries at the UFC Gym. Request their seminar when you can.

xoxoxo
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook, also through Brown and NYU Books
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Summer
www.youtube.com/aprilthestarr
Portion of proceeds go to Ali Fornay Center

How Not To Get A Woman Part Deux

A few years ago, at twenty three, I was waiting to do a comedy show at a pretty much redneck bar. If you have ever seen Blues Brothers and remember that scene in the bar when they keep singing "Rawhide" that is pretty much this place. Anyway, I was early to this pretty much hell gig. Sitting at the bar, I got myself a pop as we call it in Pittsburgh and patiently waited for the producer and booker to show. Just then filing in were a bunch of rednecks. Inbred to the max, they were mullet and flannel wearing. I looked down, told myself to focus on the fireplace. I had been early and still had two hours to go. The only reason I had done this was I had no idea where I was going and hate to be late.

Two of the rednecks glanced at the poster where I was and then back at me several times before making the connection that the girl on the poster and the girl on the bar stool were one in the same. At times like this I wished I had the commentary of the robot cast of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. That is when the game was on. One guy who looked and spoke like the retarded brother of Larry the Cable Guy walked over and said, "You're the comedian."

I nodded. Then he asked, "Are you funny?" Dear God, I hate that question. No, I am not funny. I am a sad and depressing sack of shit and that is why I get onstage. I want people to cry and Regional Theatre wasnt casting so here I am. Of course I am funny ass weed.

"Maybe." I said. I didnt want to talk to this mongoloid any longer. That is when his buddy, who was shorter and even stupider announced that he was going to tell me some jokes. According to his buddy I was "very pretty" and he knew he could "impress a gorgeous girl" like myself. Translated, I had all my teeth and that was a rarity in these parts.

Well Conway Twitty as I will call him began his attempt at comedy. He started with a moderately racist joke one of my drunkles told me as a child. However, he quickly moved on. All of his jokes were about black people being lynched, killed, arrested, and raping white women. Oh and he didn't say black people, he used the "n" word. My whole thing is, if you are going to go offensive you better be funny. This dude was offensive, unfunny, and just a downright bully. Basically a stupid redneck who probably learned how to speak last week. Despite the fact I clearly wasn't into it he kept going. His friends all thought he was the greatest thing since Johnny Carson, and one even said so. I thought about lying that I had to get some air, but I was in the middle of no where and this was pretty much the only destination.

While I joke about race from time to time, they are jokes. I have friends from everywhere and cousins who are mixed as well. Sure these were jokes but the hatefulness was starting to bother me, especially since it WASN'T FUNNY. If he was trying to impress me the only thing impressive here was his utter ignorance.

As the barrage of unfunny continued, this dude moved on to bashing gay people in his jokes. Except instead of the term homosexual he used the "f" word. Again, if you are going to be offensive, you better be funny. This dude was unfunny, offensive, and thought he was impressing me. Note, many of my friends are gay and my book is a part of the Pride Scavenger Hunt this year. I kept hoping he would stop but there was no limit to this man. In his jokes gay people were being stoned to death and black people were being dragged in the back of cars by chains.

Just when I didnt think it could get any worse, he and his friends asked me if I ever thought rape was okay. I told them as a woman it was never okay to rape someone. What did they expect me to say, "Rape, rape, and rape some more." Yes lets rape. That is when they informed me women had too many rights and one of the guys informed me he had just beaten a rape charge. According to him, the woman just "Made it all up." Yes it was official, somewhere along the lines I pissed God off and was dropped into hell. Note, when my male comedian comrades make these jokes these are jokes. They would never hurt me for real. These guys, well I wasn't so sure.

That is when the unfunny racist, sexist, homophobe and the suspected rapist began to argue over who was getting my number. It was like that scene in Dirty Work. I just wanted to say, "I think you should fight it out" and then walk away apathetic as hell.

In any event, as this was going on a black dude walked in. Immediately I figured there was going to be a fight at some point and I could take these dudes, so I walked over to the black dude and said hi. These red necks were amazed that I dissed them. One said, "I see she likes the dark meat." I didnt like the dark meat per se especially when the light meat probably tasted like chewing tobacco. In any event, I ended up talking to the black dude and liking him. These dudes then left the bar and kept bitching about what a "cunt" I was. When I told the black dude what happened he laughed and told me they were just morons and not to pay attention. I had a drink with the dude and then he left.

About a half hour later the comedians came and we did the show. It was a rough crowd with a heckler. I did okay but told myself I wasn't coming back to this hell hole in the woods again. I haven't returned since. Still, one thing about me is that I don't like an ignorant bully. Maybe it was because I was bullied as a kid, or maybe my mom raised me better. I dunno. But ignorant bully plus unfunny equals not getting my number.

Love

April

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
www.youtube.com/aprilthestarr
Portion of proceeds go to Greenpeace

Loser of the Week: Daniel Tosh, Horrid Chauvanist and Supporter of Sexual Assault Against Women

As everyone knows, Daniel Tosh said that it would be funny if an audience member got raped by five guys for disagreeing with him. I don’t know what is more disgusting. Is it the fact he is horridly unfunny and somehow has a career? Or is it that he made that crack about the audience member deserving to get gang raped? Or is it the fact the male dominated comedy community is standing behind him?

Yes, there is the issue that it was a “joke” and he was “addressing” a heckler. Yes, there is issue that it is his freedom of speech. There are all these reasons to defend this blatant sexist who’s rise to fame was based on luck and luck alone.

However, I am going to be the exception in the comedy community and say what he said and did was not okay. First off, wishing for a woman to be sexually assaulted is beyond just mean, it is cruel and evil. Rape is a crime of hate, and when Daniel Tosh wished that upon his heckler he was saying he hated women in not so many words. But the problem is not what he said but how he said it. He could have called her fat. He could have called her ugly. He could have called her a slut. Instead, Mr. Tosh chose to make it about gender.

That being said statements like this are not okay because it encourages violence against women. We live in a society and a world where the glass ceiling is ever present still. Despite the Title IX Warriors like my mom, women,especially in sports where there are a bathing suit, are objectified. The subject of a woman’s sexual history is still brought up in cases of rape by male defense lawyers so the predators they represent can get a fair shake. Daniel Tosh supports this patriarchy.

Gang rape is even more horrendous. Not only is it devastating to the victim, but happens routinely all over the world in war torn countries as a way to show conquering by the enemy. In addition, in some African countries women who are lesbian identified are gang raped because there are men who feel they can “get that out of them” if they “get some in them.” The worst part is these people go unprosecuted. When Daniel Tosh made that remark he said this was okay. He belittled the pain and nightmares these women have to live with.

I know how damaging the male sector of the comedy community can be. A few years ago, an ex-fiance who wanted me dead took his issues with me to a comedy message board. He told tall tales of my abusive nature and pulled emails out of context to damage me. I never posted about how he hit me regularly as well as tried to assault me in other fashions. I never once mentioned his multiple suicide attempts in front of me. Never did I mention him offering to kill his mother in order to get the money to be with me. Never did I mention the stalking, the hang up calls, the IMs where he blackmailed me after we broke up.  I emailed the owner of the site. The owner said it was a freedom of speech issue. And by the way, the small majority who defended my ex had one thing in common.

They were male.

Surprise. Surprise.

That being said, jokes like Daniel Tosh’s aren’t jokes. There is a thread of truth in every joke, and this is beyond disturbing that he still has fans. By making the joke he did he defends the act of rape. He defends to corrective rape that happens regularly in Africa. He defends men like my ex who abuse women so that they can have the freedom of speech to slander, stalk, and threaten to kill someone simply for ending a relationship. He defends a system that puts battered and abused women on trial. Yes, words are that powerful.

I might not be famous like Daniel Tosh, but I have received my fair share of media exposure. When I was on TLC and talked about my fiancé and did radio interviews, emails flooded in from young women who had broken up with men just like him. I knew upon seeing that I had a bigger responsibility, and that was to use the big mouth God gave me to let people know that this language and behavior are not okay.

Objectification leads to abuse.

I was asked to do a shoot for a campaign about domestic violence where my eyes would be blackened and I would look beaten up. I refused because I don’t view myself as a victim. Men like Daniel Tosh would want me in that role because it would be all too easy for them to box me in. That way he and his cohorts can dream about having me one at a time. No, I use my voice to say that violence against women in any way is not okay.

Am I making this about me? Oh yes. But I am making it about violence against women. A few years ago, when I posted a video a young woman told me if I made it that meant there was something wrong with the world and that Daniel Tosh was the best comedian ever. I googled him and thought he was lame and unfunny. If a nitwit who wants to support a man who wants to see her victimized as a bloodied sex object on the ground, then the fact she hated on me is a step in the right direction.

Yes, it is a joke. But it is my right not to laugh. Yes, it is his freedom of speech. But it is my right to publically disagree with Danny Boy. It is also my right to boycott his program, and to go to his shows and heckle him. It is my right to petition to get him removed from television. It is my right to speak out.

Of course I won’t be getting support from the male dominated standup realm. I don’t expect to. Let’s face it, these issues will always be a joke to men because they never have to face them. Of course, Daniel Tosh has just made an enemy, and a very vocal one. This is not the end of my battle against this moron, only the beginning.

I don’t think he should have to apologize. It would be insincere and flat like his comedy. My only hope is that he gets testicular cancer. That way he can pay with the only head he thinks with and it would forever eliminate Mr. Tosh from the gene pool.

Choke on that Daniel Tosh.

I will not go away. I will not apologize. I will not lay in the gravel because that is the place you feel best for me. Besides, soot isn’t becoming on me.

Rot in hell.

Love, April

Daniel Tosh in his off time. Disguised so he can sexually assault an unsuspecting women.

I always suspected Daniel Tosh of being a sexual predator. I hope they catch him in the act and he is convicted. Only so they can do this to him in prison :)

Daniel Tosh gets his ass beat. This is what would happen if he said that to me. Feel like a man big shot?

"Gang rape,it's fantastic."