Human

This is the last piece I will write on the whole Daniel Tosh thing I promise. Whenever a joke is told, someone gets offended. Just because I might perform comedy doesn’t mean I am not a human being. It doesn’t mean the second I step behind the mic I become a robot. Sometimes things cause me discomfort, get under my skin. Does that make me stupid and unworthy? No, it makes a living and breathing person.

I was nineteen when I started comedy in the city. The memories of the clubs I went to, being illegal in all of them to drink but swilled Jack anyway, race through my mind. In my memory, I still hear the voices of my male comrades cracking rape joke after rape joke, and then another one about pushing the woman down the stairs. Sometimes I laughed but I found them disgusting. These guys being guys frankly made me ill.

Veteran male comics, some with big TV credits and a huge underemployment problem, would attempt to make me another hole to stick it in by attempting to get me drunk. Sexual predators of the worst kind, they would lure me into dark corners assuming I was stupid because I was young and female. I screwed them all in the way they didn’t want, taking the liquor and not doing their pleasure. They would have paid me in slimy quarters anyway. Now they fade into obscurity and I am getting ready to release my first book.

I still smell their breath and hear their words, “I think you are brilliant.” They tell me this as I die the death of an experienced comedian onstage. I just want to hear something nice, even if it is a lie. But the great white and his cigarette, cheap beer breath has me in his clutches. I am the fish ready to meet her end as he takes me in his jaws. They didn’t write the part about the fish fighting back. I tell him to get fucked. My career means too much to be his ten cent fuck rag. His wife or girlfriend or stupid foolish woman on the mend can spread her legs and as she continues to stupidly pay his bills and sit dumbly at his shows pretending she doesn’t know he cats around.

Sure, my life is going well. I will probably be more successful than any one of those idiots. Do I want to spit everytime I see their pictures somewhere? Yes, I am human and I know in my heart who they are.

When I started doing standup, there were women who complained about the normalization of sexual violence in comedy on message boards. One woman comedian, more of a hippie eater granola type who did slam poetry sometimes, said, “Don’t tell them to stop. Think with your feet. When they perform go get a drink or take a long trip to the bathroom. Or better yet, if you smoke, do that. They will get the message when they see you leave. It speaks louder than words.”

Sometimes this woman did scare me. She was blunt. However, she got it. At the end of the day we have our triggers and we must protect ourselves. Not just as women but as people.

I write often about the abusive relationship I was in. This is because I want to educate people that relationship violence as well as sexual violence are never acceptable. I also want to tell young women they deserve better to be kicked, punched and belittled by some man who would never fight with another man because he would get his ass beat.

I did my routine about my ex. There were male bookers who told me flat out I was too bitter despite the fact it killed over and over again with audiences of both genders. Did I strike a nerve? Was I not a nice girl ready to be pushed in the dirt and bloodied by you? And now these same bookers say I violate Daniel Tosh’s freedom of speech by saying what he said was wrong. Yet they fell they can remark about me being too bitter and man hating. I accept the criticisms of these males. They are stupid and simple. I wrote a book and they can’t read. We are hardly on the same page.

Yet I struck a nerve with them. Why, because they too are human. They don’t shut on and off as much as they want to. No one does.

Many of the same people who stuck up for Tosh in my thread would yell and scream if someone spoke about race. Suddenly the issue of first amendment wouldn’t even matter ,especially if their race was in question. Why, because they are human. Undeniably, and when it hits close to home it hits close to home.

Joke isn’t funny anymore.

There are times when walking past a strip club makes me ill because my ex who used to hit me dated strippers en masse before we met. There are times when I hear certain rap songs where women are referred to as hos where I get so sick I just want to vomit or punch the man who produced it. Then I tell myself it’s not about me. I take a different route telling myself the women swinging from the pole, they dumped my ex and perhaps one day we could all exchange stories about how he rolled us for money. The rap songs, there is always another station. Plus I met Snoop Dogg and he was cool.

Since I was fourteen I have been preyed on by men old enough to be my father. Did I deserve their advances because I was vulnerable? According to Daniel Tosh I must have. It must have been what I was wearing. It must have been that I was walking the wrong way. He is just a man therefore he probably wasn’t culpable. Therefore, rape and sexual violence are a punchline. Tell those jokes, but don’t expect me to laugh or support you. They hit close to home. Perhaps Mr. Tosh should have been a defense lawyer. He could support sexual violence, humiliate women, and keep those like himself on the street.

He could fight for their rights. Some activists would argue these animals that victimize women because they aren’t physically as strong should be treated with decency. Ted Bundy was someone’s child. He was human too.

I am a person. That doesn’t go away no matter how much I want to put her in the drawer. I put May in the suitcase but she is a puppet. I can’t be silenced and housed in the same way when someone gets sick of hearing my feelings or I get sick of feeling. I also did my time in hell as a survivor of dating violence and stalking. I would be a fool to let Mr. Tosh upset me anymore.

I already wished testicular cancer on him. While it would kill him slowly, my grandfather also battled this and it is a sin to wish it on anyone.

Maybe I will pray Daniel Tosh has a daughter. It will be cruel, unusual, and he will pay for his views forever.

Or maybe he will turn into a decent human being who doesn’t advocate sexual violence.

After all, he is human.

He can be redeemed.

Or so I would like to hope.

Love,

April

Loser of the Week: Daniel Tosh, Horrid Chauvanist and Supporter of Sexual Assault Against Women

As everyone knows, Daniel Tosh said that it would be funny if an audience member got raped by five guys for disagreeing with him. I don’t know what is more disgusting. Is it the fact he is horridly unfunny and somehow has a career? Or is it that he made that crack about the audience member deserving to get gang raped? Or is it the fact the male dominated comedy community is standing behind him?

Yes, there is the issue that it was a “joke” and he was “addressing” a heckler. Yes, there is issue that it is his freedom of speech. There are all these reasons to defend this blatant sexist who’s rise to fame was based on luck and luck alone.

However, I am going to be the exception in the comedy community and say what he said and did was not okay. First off, wishing for a woman to be sexually assaulted is beyond just mean, it is cruel and evil. Rape is a crime of hate, and when Daniel Tosh wished that upon his heckler he was saying he hated women in not so many words. But the problem is not what he said but how he said it. He could have called her fat. He could have called her ugly. He could have called her a slut. Instead, Mr. Tosh chose to make it about gender.

That being said statements like this are not okay because it encourages violence against women. We live in a society and a world where the glass ceiling is ever present still. Despite the Title IX Warriors like my mom, women,especially in sports where there are a bathing suit, are objectified. The subject of a woman’s sexual history is still brought up in cases of rape by male defense lawyers so the predators they represent can get a fair shake. Daniel Tosh supports this patriarchy.

Gang rape is even more horrendous. Not only is it devastating to the victim, but happens routinely all over the world in war torn countries as a way to show conquering by the enemy. In addition, in some African countries women who are lesbian identified are gang raped because there are men who feel they can “get that out of them” if they “get some in them.” The worst part is these people go unprosecuted. When Daniel Tosh made that remark he said this was okay. He belittled the pain and nightmares these women have to live with.

I know how damaging the male sector of the comedy community can be. A few years ago, an ex-fiance who wanted me dead took his issues with me to a comedy message board. He told tall tales of my abusive nature and pulled emails out of context to damage me. I never posted about how he hit me regularly as well as tried to assault me in other fashions. I never once mentioned his multiple suicide attempts in front of me. Never did I mention him offering to kill his mother in order to get the money to be with me. Never did I mention the stalking, the hang up calls, the IMs where he blackmailed me after we broke up.  I emailed the owner of the site. The owner said it was a freedom of speech issue. And by the way, the small majority who defended my ex had one thing in common.

They were male.

Surprise. Surprise.

That being said, jokes like Daniel Tosh’s aren’t jokes. There is a thread of truth in every joke, and this is beyond disturbing that he still has fans. By making the joke he did he defends the act of rape. He defends to corrective rape that happens regularly in Africa. He defends men like my ex who abuse women so that they can have the freedom of speech to slander, stalk, and threaten to kill someone simply for ending a relationship. He defends a system that puts battered and abused women on trial. Yes, words are that powerful.

I might not be famous like Daniel Tosh, but I have received my fair share of media exposure. When I was on TLC and talked about my fiancé and did radio interviews, emails flooded in from young women who had broken up with men just like him. I knew upon seeing that I had a bigger responsibility, and that was to use the big mouth God gave me to let people know that this language and behavior are not okay.

Objectification leads to abuse.

I was asked to do a shoot for a campaign about domestic violence where my eyes would be blackened and I would look beaten up. I refused because I don’t view myself as a victim. Men like Daniel Tosh would want me in that role because it would be all too easy for them to box me in. That way he and his cohorts can dream about having me one at a time. No, I use my voice to say that violence against women in any way is not okay.

Am I making this about me? Oh yes. But I am making it about violence against women. A few years ago, when I posted a video a young woman told me if I made it that meant there was something wrong with the world and that Daniel Tosh was the best comedian ever. I googled him and thought he was lame and unfunny. If a nitwit who wants to support a man who wants to see her victimized as a bloodied sex object on the ground, then the fact she hated on me is a step in the right direction.

Yes, it is a joke. But it is my right not to laugh. Yes, it is his freedom of speech. But it is my right to publically disagree with Danny Boy. It is also my right to boycott his program, and to go to his shows and heckle him. It is my right to petition to get him removed from television. It is my right to speak out.

Of course I won’t be getting support from the male dominated standup realm. I don’t expect to. Let’s face it, these issues will always be a joke to men because they never have to face them. Of course, Daniel Tosh has just made an enemy, and a very vocal one. This is not the end of my battle against this moron, only the beginning.

I don’t think he should have to apologize. It would be insincere and flat like his comedy. My only hope is that he gets testicular cancer. That way he can pay with the only head he thinks with and it would forever eliminate Mr. Tosh from the gene pool.

Choke on that Daniel Tosh.

I will not go away. I will not apologize. I will not lay in the gravel because that is the place you feel best for me. Besides, soot isn’t becoming on me.

Rot in hell.

Love, April

Daniel Tosh in his off time. Disguised so he can sexually assault an unsuspecting women.

I always suspected Daniel Tosh of being a sexual predator. I hope they catch him in the act and he is convicted. Only so they can do this to him in prison :)

Daniel Tosh gets his ass beat. This is what would happen if he said that to me. Feel like a man big shot?

"Gang rape,it's fantastic."

April's Weekly Countdown

Loser of the Week: Rep. Anthony Weiner not only for lying about his dick pics but sending them in general. Okay, you like the ladies Anthony. You were the nerdy kid with the Jewfro who got his ass beat in high school. Girls turned you down. You met Jill, the lady of your right hand and got to know her well until you were about twenty. Now to make up for it you are showing the whole world your dick and because the whole world has seen your dick you are now crying alone because your wife is leaving your ass. (Huma has been absent for all press conferences). The only way to redeem yourself. Make a gay porn. Seriously, I have several friends in the industry who would love to work with you. Actually should this be weiner of the week? Ha ha ha.

Weiner, a dick by any other name

Winner of the Week:  There is a tie. Angelina LeVasseur from Ann Arbor, Michigan is our winner of the week. Born with spinal bifida, she has lived her entire life in a wheel chair and this week for the first time, with the help of a physical therapist, she left her wheels behind the stage and WALKED! Yes it was a big deal and made national news. Not only did it put a smile on my face, but on my worst days it made me thankful for all the things I have.

You go girl. Work it girl, work it.

The other winner of the week is Timothy Ray Brown for not only being diagnosed with HIV and leukemia and needed a bone marrow transplant. As a result this bone marrow and stem cell transplant not only is Mr. Brown cured but he is permanently immune. This is a victory for anyone with HIV and one more strike in whipping this terrible disease that has isolated and killed so many. Someone asked me if they think Timothy Ray Brown will go out and party it up. Probably not. I think he’s been through a lot. He lives in San Fran with his pup and I just think the two will stick with hanging out and watching TV.

He beat AIDS. I think he deserves his own Wheaties Box.

Whacko of the Week: I was getting my hair done at Blondie’s this past week when this girl comes in. She started out being nice enough and of course my boys being the homos they are put on Lady Gaga. That’s when this woman starts talking about how she hates Lady Gaga because she is a member of the Illuminati and sold her soul to the devil. Then she says it was a video she saw on youtube and then goes to list a slew of other celebrities. Continuing in a rant like state, she says Kanye sold his soul and that’s why his mother was taken from him. Wow. Anyway, I kept trying to get her to change the subject but she wouldn’t budge. When she left we all agreed she was a little whacky. I saw her the next day and she grabbed me, asked if I wanted to hang out, and then asked me if I wanted the videos. Dear Crazy, fuck no.

Satan helps me sell my records. My fans don't know it but the ranting crazy lady does. I better keep my devil worship and blood drinking on the down low.

Favorite Artist of the Week: Adele. I am stuck on her sound and think she is going to be something special. She is more than just a one hit wonder. Unfortunately she is sick right now. Get well sweetie. We want to see you tour again.

Honey you got a rockin voice. We love you in NYC. *MWAH*

Least favorite artist of the week: Katy Perry. She is too poppy and way too overplayed. I like her song the first time I hear it and everytime thereafter I want to slit my wrists. Then to top it off when she hits the high notes she can barely hit them. Who’s dick did she suck to get a record contract? Oops, she is a preachers kid. We have Jesus to thank for this mistake.

Everytime I hear you sing it is like hearing Jesus scream as he is being nailed to the cross.

Favorite Comedian of the Week: Wendy Liebman. I saw her stuff a few years ago and watched it again recently. I think she is creative, smart and funny.

Miss seeing you on late night TV. Come back soon!

Least Favorite Comedian of the Week: Daniel Tosh. I don’t think he is funny, I think he is overplayed and I don’t know who he blew to get on comedy central. I also think the boy is a little closeted. Where is Perez Hilton to out him? Seriously…I don’t know. Maybe it’s also because I asked him to be on my webseries and his people were dicks. Either way I have no use for him. I hope he just fades into obscurity. I would say die in the middle of one of his shows but his albums would sell.

Please go away. We hate you and you arent even cute.

Quote of the Week: “Be the Queen Bee or get the fuck out of the ball.” Roger Ferrer

Roger had a way with words and was always throwing shade. RIP dear heart.