Showing posts with label hell's kitchen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hell's kitchen. Show all posts

Monday, July 8, 2013

A Real Convo

As many of you know I am active in politics. Anyway, I have done some canvassing for Yetta Kurland despite the fact it screws with my serenity. Still, it means getting my candidate on the ballot. Anyway, I was walking along going to meet someone to talk about a project. So I am walking along and I see this woman bruskly walking. I was like oh, a canvasser. I will help her out. I will be a good person.

BIG MISTAKE!!

Canvasser: Are you a registered Democrat?

Me: Yes.

Canvasser: Would you like to sign to get your candidate on the ballot?

Me: Sure. Who is your candidate?

Canvasser: Corey Johnson.

Me: Oh, I am on Yetta's campaign.

Canvasser: Oh then you can't sign. Your signature on Corey's petition will cancel your signature on Yetta's petition.

Okay, this lady is cukoo cause that is not I was told but whatever. I made a mistake

Me: May the best man win! And if Corey wins I will get behind him because he is still a decent Democrat.

Canvasser: Well Corey has been on the board for eight years! He is the best man!

Me: Okay, I believe you. But I will say this. I got behind Yetta because she is behind women. Corey Johnson has not once mentioned women. Female is my political identity.

I got to walk away. I have now engaged the whacko. Goddamn having strong opinions

Canvasser: Corey Johnson cares about women. He is close to his mother and she is a woman!

WOW, is this argument for realz? I decide to take a joke

Me: Well I would hope so otherwise I would have some serious questions.

Canvasser: Well Corey wants to bring back the flavor in the neighborhood. It used to be cheap and manageable to live here. Now it's impossible to afford to live here. It is missing the old flavor!

Me: The crime rate was also higher

Canvasser: Yes but now you can't afford to live here. The working people are being pushed out of Manhattan.

Me: But I can walk down the street without being mugged.

Canvasser: But Corey wants to help the homeless and mentally ill. He wants to reopen mental institutions to cure the social ills (insert blah, blah, blah because she is just a moron).

Me: Thank you. I have to go. Give me some literature on Corey.

Canvasser: Sure. I would vote for him but I don't live in the district.

WHAT! WHATEVER. Doesn't look like I will be voting for Corey Johnson. He's got some of the craziest, rudest, idiots on his campaign. Sigh McSigh Sigh

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Follow me on www.aprilbrucker.com


Thursday, May 23, 2013

Adventures of Spooky Juice: Hell's Kitchen Super

My Super Spooky Juice is at it again. I haven't had an adventure with this upstanding gentlemen since my vacay to Myrtle Beach with my family. Nonetheless, Spooky still wants his sugar. The latest development is that he is deathly afraid of black lingerie and that is why I am trying to invest in it.

Well it is spring and Spooky Juice is more ornery than ever. This is how today's exchange went:

Spooky Juice: You look so good.

Me: Why thank you, Spooky Juice.

Spooky: You look so good that this is mental torture for me.

I laugh

Me: Well Spooky, I am sure I don't look that good. Stop thinking so hard.

Spooky: I have been playing around with this spy cam lately. Want to see?

Me: I am not sure I want to know.

Spooky: Relax it's not pornography.

Me: With you I never know.

Spooky: Look at this guy dancing without music.

Spooky turns on the camera. Spooky is dancing like Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire.

Spooky: See me dance

Me: You are such a bad dancer.

We both laugh

Spooky: What color underwear are you wearing?

Me: Black.

Spooky: If it was black I could see it. Tell me the truth or I won't show you any more of my dancing videos.

Me: Now Spooky, don't make promises we both know you can't keep.

Spooky and I laugh

Spooky: I read your blog. You like being single. You said you wanted a vibrator. Let me be your vibrator, baby.

Me:Thank you for the generous offer but I have to pass.

Spooky and I laugh. End scene.

Truth be told last night some fat drunk dude approached me on the street offering me anal. Spooky was slightly smoother. I will give the man that much credit.

AprilI Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
www.youtube.com/aprilthestarr
Portion of proceeds go to Greenpeace

PS. Book signing at Brown Bookstore Saturday May 25 from 4-6. Be there or be square