Self Care

I have been working myself to the bone as of late. Last Monday I worked, worked, worked. And then had some errand to do that night that was work related. Then Tuesday I worked as well. Wedesday I shot a pilot all day which meant I WORKED. Thursday I did lots of duty with the telegrams which meant I WORKED. Friday night I WORKED and Saturday I emceed a Democratic fundraiser for a candidate which meant I WORKED. Sunday I was recording my audiobook and we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but yes I have been WORKING.

In between my working I was drinking a lot of coffee and not eating for as many as fifteen hours. When I did eat it was pure junk like donuts and cookies and pretzels. I was so charged from the coffee and sugar I ate I began walking everywhere. As in from my street to West 3rd. Translated, my blood was so wired I didnt require food cause of all the sugar and caffeine and didnt even feel the tired. However, I turned into a mega bitch.

Let's see. April's greatest hits included a near street fight with an idiot who used her kid to cut in line. Another near street fight with an idiot who opened his umbrella too close to my eyes. And then a third clash with a kid who was being a tool somewhere at some theatre who was just being a tool cause that's what he did.  I should have walked away but I screamed, "Asshole, don't you own a television. Everyone knows me and my puppet babies!" I should have gotten an award for holding it together......not. Needless to say he was quite stunned.

Soon after I spoke to my sister about my work load and she said, "That's a lot of work. I feel tired just listening." Meanwhile this is someone who is training to be an ER doc and spends nine hours on her feet.

When Monday came I was so exhausted I could barely move. I had been on so many trains and buses I felt myself moving. I felt depressed for no reason. Meanwhile I was on TV again, have been twice in the past two weeks with my puppet children-two different programmes. Not to mention my book is one step closer to being in a major chain and oh, my book was also reviewed my Mensa. Not to mention I am working with an excellent composer on my musical. Did I mention I have been recognized from being on TV? People write me fan letters. McBlah blah!

I spent the morning crying for no reason whatsoever. I had no reason to cry. I am working so I have money. My rent is almost 2/3s paid for the month already. I am doing fine and many would want to be in my shoes. Yet when I hung out on facebook I saw people posting their good news and all I could think was fuck you fuckin fucks. I got some coffee and breakfast and felt immediately better. And then convinced the whole world hated me because I had acted like an outraegous fucktard the week before I was looking behind me to make sure I didnt get shot.

I ended up going to the pool where I saw not one but two of my friends and went on a very therapeutic swim. Not only did I suddenly feel better but I didn't feel like this outraegous failure that no one wanted or loved. That evening, I had a booking that got cancelled and then hung out with friends.

Tuesday however, I was back to bitch mode. I woke up again in the morning crying and bumped my head twice and cried again. After that I did my two deliveries, clutch. That's when I visited a woman who is like my mom in Brooklyn, yelled at her, and she said, "Maybe you need to visit your mom. Seriously, you are out of control. You need some sleep."

The next day my mom called and I lied and said I was fine. My mom can always tell when I am lying though. Anyway I took a breath, messaged her, and then said I wanted to come home. I ended up having a mini breakdown on the phone where I told her that I hadnt been eating at all, was walking everywhere, and was TIRED. I also confessed I had been acting like a heel and she said, "I know you have. I have seen you like this and I know how you behave when you get in this state."

My mom is a trainer and exercise psysiologist and we discussed my diet and how to improve it. We both agreed that my diet was probably why I was melting down. It felt really good to get honest with my mom and it felt really good just to have her at my disposal. We also booked my plane ticket. It felt good just to talk it out.

It also made me realize how important it is to eat well. As my career picks up my schedule will only become more demanding. Someone once said, "You picked the hardest profession in the world. You don't need anymore problems." He was correct. And that is why I am saying it now in this blog, health and nutrition are no joke. The food pyramid is not there for decoration. In addition, you are never alone in this world. You have your friends and family. I also realized how easy it is for me to be a megabitch when I am alone and tired.

This week I have been eating better. I am just as busy but I am thinking much more clearly. I am also not compacting everything at once. I scored a job Sunday so I am moving my recording to Monday. I had a job today and had to take a train so I didnt take one that cut so close so I would be running. I also took the night off tonight so I could relax. I might take a bath and am currently watching a movie. I also am speaking to my composer Monday. That way I could do my job today, do the prep before hand, and then didnt have to rush him off the phone.

It is amazing how much better I feel when I take care of myself. I go from feeling ungrateful and overworked to being grateful that I am a working entertainer in the greatest city in the world. I also am happy for my sister who matched at Vanderbuilt for emergency medicine and my brother who matched at UConn for pediatriac medicine instead of pissed that the world is leaving me behind. I also feel happy for people who get good news whether it is a TV series or show rather than pissed that they have gotten something I never thought I wanted but suddenly I wanted at that moment. It's because I realize I am not a loser. I am someone in the lane, fighting the good fight, and running with the winners so I can be happy for other winners. It is amazing what a difference a hot meal and a good night's sleep makes.

Hungry and tired are no joke. But now I feel more relaxed. I think I will replace my snarl with a smile.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
Portion of proceeds go to RAINN



 

Blonde Ambition.

I have had a long last week and a half. From Thursday to today I have delivered telegrams all day, performed three of those nights when I wasn't doing things for my musical, spent one of those days in a recording studio of a platinum award winning record producer, and then I filmed a pilot too. Basically I am wiped. When my musical gets on it's feet I will be adding vocal coach sessions to that.

Monday my friend Omar mentioned he had seen me on TV. Yes, Officer E and I were on Bordain again. He had DVRed it. Anyway, I was psyched. I was tired as hell because I had been Marilyn Monroe in the Bronx that morning. While my day was over by twelve it was way up in the BXs and I really get into my girl, making sure all my songs are perfect. But this was enough to make me go yeahhhhhh!!!!! Anyway I go to Queens to see my boys and I say to my boy Derek, "I was on TV again." To which Derek replies, "I have been watching Jerry Springer all week and have not seen you once." This is why I love my friends. They keep me grounded. They keep me real.

Tuesday I was set to do an I'm Sorry Gram that got cancelled, thank God. I couldnt handle a high strung Jewish doc's wife after the working all week last week, in the studio all day Sunday and now this. WOWSA! I spent Tuesday night relaxing and being so exhausted I ended up crying at my girl's  house in Brooklyn. She cooked for me which was nice. Sometimes I just need someone to cook for me like she's my mom. Plus I went to bed at nine and I never do that. Oh and I got my nails done for my pilot. Plus I got fan mail. YIPEE!!!!

I filmed my pilot yesterday. (More on that later) On my way to Port Authority to go to Jersey to film I got a phone call from someone I once worked for on a project telling them they saw me and my puppet babies on TV and how proud they were. Of course it made me feel princess and pauper in my sweats and curlers with my perfectly coiffed nails. Apparently the two who are making it from this project are Nikki Minaj and myself. While I am no Ms. Minaj I am flattered I am second to her.

Filming was a lot of fun and there were a lot of great comedians. I glammed up like I do all the time when I go onstage. May and I performed for the camera, hoping it loved us. Hoping to make the cut. Hoping and shining. With my hair styled and glammed to the max I thought, "Strut and shine, April and May."

We had our share of funny quips. Truth be told though, there was not one comedian at the shoot who wasn't funny and wasn't strong. All the stories they told were good and I actually felt flattered to be in their company. One guy had been doing comedy almost as long as I had been alive. He was particularly neat. This guy was a magician and fire eater who had been a single dad and raised his kid alone while she toured with him. He had neat stories and was fabulously talented. I was flattered and humbled to be in such company. The shoot was a lot of fun. I loved every second of it, so much so that when I left it didnt even cross my mind that I hadn't eaten all day. I was having sooooo much fun I didn't even realize I was hungry.

Of course my dad called me while my cell was off. My mom has been out of town and he had to travel for work and would be going back to an empty house. So when my dad called he asked where I was and I was like, "Ummm, filming a TV pilot." My dad wasn't shocked per se, but I think it's a guy thing. They expect us to be waiting by the phone when they call. Anyway he was like, "Oh good." And of course he being my dad asked if they were paying me and it was like "Of course." :P. But it was a good convo. I think my dad was actually happy I was working. Not that I am not working all the time. Of course never complain about working, right?

When the day ended I was happy and I was BEAT! When I changed out of my diva gear and back to my dress I found myself feeling like a little kid who stole her mother's dress in some ways. While the diva gear is fun to wear and the diva act is fun to throw around, I know I have a long way to go as far as growing into my headliner skin goes. I was around some incredible comedians and well, they were amazing. They reminded me that while it was cool I get people telling me they saw me on TV with my babies and blah, blah, blah my primary purpose behind the mic is to be funny and to get funnier. And those comedians yesterday inspired me to keep running towards that goal.

Today I woke up and ended up delivering two telegrams, a rapping chicken and then one for Stephanie Holmes. It was a favor to her work friend. We talked for a few minutes about the comedy biz. We both said we wanted someone to make us big stars and give us millions of dollars. We are both divas in training. The experience was cool. I killed both telegrams despite the long week I have been having.

I then decided with money in my pocket I was going to EAT. I figured 3:30 was a good time to get some food. I had waited almost ten hours between meals the day before. And nearly twelve the day before that. And a mere eight the day before that. So I figured it had been five hours and that was the healthy recommended normal so I went to a new Asian Fusian Eatery.

The service was excellent and as I was eating one of the owner's daughters-very sweet girl-comes up to me and asks where she knows me from. I shyly look down and without sounding too full of myself mention that I have been on TV quite a bit. And I joked and say peeps usually recognize my voice. And then she says she recognizes my voice as well. Yes, she has seen me on TV, LOL. And then I mention I perform and she says maybe she has seen me there too, LOL. We talk and she asks what shows I have been on. I mention all of them and one of them is Bourdain and apparently her dad, who is sitting right there, loves Bourdain. AWESOME. And by the way, I also ended up chatting with her dad who was cool as hell and her drummer brother who just did his first five minutes popping his cherry at Stand Up NY.

I also pulled out Officer E who made his TV debut on Bourdain out and they loved him. They took our pic and put it on their facebook page.

So SATYA! Go there if you have a chance.

As I walked to the train to the Parkside Lounge to get some stage time I realized I had left the house with a fresh face and my nails were not so perfectly coiffed. As a matter of fact my manicure was starting to chip. It was perfect. I didnt want to be a diva at the Parkside with Officer E. Sometimes I just want to cut loose, rip it up in my street clothes looking like a poor comic as my ex manager calls me. Poor comic. Poor comic who fired my MANager and got on TV.

The mic was fun and it was just a chance to laugh and have fun. I don't care about the bull shit politics or getting passed at clubs these days. My whole thing is I want to do the A rooms or no duce. I dont put too much stock into it, after all, to each his own. As a woman in this business I have ten strikes against me. Hell if I were a man I would be considered the second coming. And as a woman I am considered the second cumming, insert hack joke.

On my way home I ended up taking a cab and felt the cinder block on the shoulder return. Yes I get on TV. Yes they point a camera at me and it lights up. Yes I get recognized and get fan mail. Then why do the A rooms tell me no? Probably because I am not a man. But then my resentment towards comedy returned. I figured I could kindly remind people who I was and how famous I was. But then something told me I could get famous easily, my job was to stay funny now. I dunno, tired and more tired are a deadly combo.

And yes, maybe I am a tad famous but please give my bank account. However I had some money in my pocket and it was sleeting so I took a cab home.

Currently I am in my house wearing a black teddy and just took a bubble bath. I smell good and inset all your twisted male fantasies. Right now, I am getting ready to watch a Lifetime Movie. Maybe some man will hit a chick with big boobs and then she will hack him up. Hey, she will. It's Lifetime. It gets my rage out during women's history month and the chip off my shoulder about being a woman comedian who gets recognized for being on TV by strangers but yet gets screwed in her own backyard in favor of less deserving male comedians who just happen to be the right gender. Chip on my shoulder all the damn time.

Sometimes I just wish someone would hold me and tell me it's okay. But then I would have to get rid of them once they became too clingy. I am fucking tired. I just need to end this big wet abortion of a blog. Well the middle was good and the end just started to suck. I am FINE (Fucked up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional). I just work hard, very hard. So hard my nails are chipping and my mascara runs. I would like a gold star, please!

Of course people want to point out my big ego. They want to point out my fame whoring but they have no clue how much FUCKING WORK AND SHIT I HAVE TO EAT THAT GOES INTO IT BECAUSE MOST OF THE FUCKING TIME THEY ARE FUCKING MEN WITH NOTHING FUCKING TO SAY EXCEPT THEY ARE PISSED I GET TV TIME. I got news for the jealous bitches, yes the women, who diss me and say stuff. IT TAKES A LOT OF WORK TO BE A FUCKING DIVA. OF COURSE YOU COULD NEVER HACK IT BECAUSE YOUR LAZY ASS IS TOO BUSY BEING JEALOUS. JUST REMEMBER YOUR BOYFRIEND WOULD RATHER BE WITH ME FOR A REASON.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available at 877-Buy-Book, Amazon.com
E-Book available at Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available in the Spring of 2103
Portion of proceeds go to RAINN