It was Saturday night and I was 10 years old. Sitting in my
basement parked on a fold out cot of sorts, my family and I enjoyed a much coveted
night of television. We weren’t aloud to watch TV on weeknights. My father’s
reasoning was that if you lived in our house you were a thinker. Both of my
parents were educators. As I explained you were a thinker.
My brother sat there picking his nose.
My sister blew bubbles in her root beer float.
I sat picking a scab off my knee that I had gotten as a
result of a fall in gymnastics class.
Three thinkers poised for greatness.
My mom was fast asleep as she always was on a Saturday
night, next to my dad on the couch. It was four of us up and a black and white
movie on screen. We were enjoying one of three channels. My dad’s reasoning was
we didn’t watch TV, why pay for the cable?
It was a black and white movie, and my dad knew every line.
He had grown up with two parents that watched them. The son of a steel worker,
his father enjoyed his days off drinking beer and smoking cigarettes his
children rolled for him. And on screen there would be an old movie. My
grandfather had apparently known every line. Or so my dad said. He died when my
dad was young so I never met him.
Either way, a stunning creature came on screen. Her name was
Mae West. My father had always talked about her. He would twist his face and
talk like the cigarette smoking, hard drinking, saloon frequenting grand dame.
Now here she was with her parasol and hat complete with outrageous brim.
Celluloid had a goddess and she stole the screen.
“Do you know how old she is?” My dad asked us.
“Probably in her twenties somewhere. Just like the girls on
Baywatch.” Wendell had been busted days before for watching Baywatch. He was a
7th grader. My mother was horrified, but my dad got a chuckle.
“No, she is about 50.” My dad said.
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| Goddess |
My jaw dropped. She was phenomenal and perfect in every day.
I fell in love with this Leo lion princess. Her confidence and sense of self
was amazing. I wanted all of that and more. Here I was, age 10. I won the award
for most books read the year before at the summer reading club and now again at
school. To complete my prize package I also won an award for a short story I
wrote as well as a ribbon for my history papers and tests. In no way was I
going to Hollywood.
However, over the years performing beckoned. It was public
access television in middle school and high school. Additionally it was
ventriloquism and school plays. College saw me moving to NYC, studying The
Method and performing my act in comedy clubs as well as burlesque and
neo-vaudeville shows. Despite wanting to be like my hero, and even wanting to
be her at times, there also came growing pains.
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| Growth is sometimes painful. I am proud to say I am older, wiser, and more awesome than when I took this photo. |
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| A pin up attempt. Some might give me an A for effort, but I plead the 5th |
I found myself with a partner who made me choose between him
and the puppets. Naturally I chose my puppets. This same fiancé had taken me
out and we met an ex girlfriend of his who had breast implants. My ex had the
nerve to tell me in front of a full group that I should ask her who her surgeon
was. This as well as the fact he compared me frequently to other women he dated
out in the open crushed me.
At the time as a variety act in the burlesque world, I saw
many of the greats of our generation not only perform but pose for pin up
pictures in the style of Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, Betty Grable and of course
the late Anna Nicole Smith. While I would post sensual photos online from time
to time, I was never consistent with that image. Some of it was the shame I
felt as a result of that relationship coupled by childhood struggles with my
weight. Some of it was the smart, quirky girl front I put up. Some of it was that
my mother hated the pictures and with one screaming phone call they were gone.
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| Girl after my own heart |
So off to the shows I would go in my sundress or pants and
suitcoat. My wardrobe became less Mae West and more Paula Poundstone.
Then I did a show at Neer’s Tavern in Woodside, Queens. It
was on a rare night we got a tornado in New York. The show was close to being
cancelled but a spot is a spot and I went. I had my blazer on along with my
jeans. That is when I was told this was a venue Mae West frequented during her
early days, before being arrested for pushing the envelope of censorship. Now
here I was, the lone comedian on a stormy night that I should have probably
stayed in.
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| One of the most trafficked pics of me ever: seen in Europe, Asia, Australia, South America, and Africa in various news outlets. |
A week later I was chosen for a TV appearance that would
change my life. As a result, I had stories written about my puppet children and
I on the web. I garnered many fans, mostly male. I found them funny, honest,
loyal, and endearing. I found myself wanting to make them happy as each of
their fan letters touched a special place in my heart. They made me realize the
journey was worth it, and so were the sexy photos.
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| One of the first true pin up inspired photos I did. It was Mae West inspired. |
I also began to utilize writing as a pathway. More and more
I wanted to create my own work just like Mae West had. As a bonus I was armed
and dangerous with the over involved mother, crazy sister, crazy brother, and
opinionated father. Not to mention it seemed to take me forever to get from A
to B, but when I got there it was in a blaze of glory sprinkled with
controversy.
Just like Mae West.
They say growth is sometimes painful. After exiting a bad
living situation and a relationship with a partner who believed in my dreams
but refused to be medicated, I hit a whole new rock bottom. I moved, but began
to have dreams my clothes disappeared. I visited a 10th generation
psychic and thus April Unwrapped was born.
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| A more recent pin up inspired picture of myself. It's one of my faves. |
My pin up/ adult picture book details my naked dreams
complete with photos to match. As I completed this pin up book, the old fears
crept in. That I wouldn’t be pretty enough. That people would vomit when they
saw me. I wasn’t pretty like fill in the blank…….
Mae West was from the flapper era. She wasn’t tall and thin.
Instead she was barely 5 feet tall and curvy. Mae West was hot because she was
original, had personality, and was brave. There was only one of her and a
million of them. She was body positive before it was even a term.
The old fears washed away, and April Unwrapped became an
amazing experience to shoot, write, and publish. My list of credits includes
actress, comedian, ventriloquist, impersonator, singing telegrammer, published
author, and now pin up. I was thinking this the other day on the subway on my
way to job. That’s when I realized that Mae West wasn’t so amazing because she
was confident, the fact she survived a lot of shit is what made her amazingly
confident. Just like me, she also didn’t get there overnight.
As this revelation came into my mind, I realized I not only
had a copy of April Unwrapped in my bag but was passing Broadway Junction, the
J train stop next to the cemetery where many greats are buried, Mae West among
them. As we passed, my phone dinged. My publisher let me know I got another 3
star review on Amazon.
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| A long time comedian friend of mine with his pic of April Unwrapped. I love this photo and I love him. |
As I smiled, knowing this had not been an accident as we
exited my hero’s final resting place I thought, “Goodness had nothing to do
with it, dearie.”
