20 Things I Would Tell Young Women When They Turn 20

Note: Although this is geared towards women, many can apply to men too. I just geared this towards women because I have been a young woman. 


1. You don't need a man. There is no law in the land that says you need a boyfriend.
2. You don't have enemies, you have girlfriends. They will be the first to stab you in the back.
3. Women are smarter and more perceptive than men and have a stronger pain threshold. Unfortunately, women are too busy fighting among themselves that it will never happen.
4. Never fight over a guy ever. If you end up going head to head with another girl over a guy, it is usually a guy who thinks he is a mac daddy and is lying to the both of you.
5. If a guy is mean and nasty, he won't change if you "love him enough." He is just mean and nasty. That's when you have to ask yourself why you like mean and nasty guys.
6. When you break up with anyone, it is a two way street. He might be a jerk off but you still picked him. Take the good memories and have a laugh when days are rainy. Also, take the lessons you learned and don't let history repeat itself.
7. When out with anyone, pay attention to what comes out of their mouth. Don't write anything off, because this person is showing you who they are.
8. If you want to get back at a man who wronged you, live well. Fulfill your goals and if possible, date a hotter guy.
9. No guy is worth changing yourself for. Yes, you will give up things you love to please this man, but then you will be unhappy. He will dump you and find this next victim, and you will be lost and alone.
10. When your girlfriends say an idea is stupid, most of the time they are just jealous.
11. When a girl comes down your throat for supposedly looking at her boyfriend, it's not about you looking at her boyfriend. It's about the fact he's a dog, he can't be trusted, and she's misdirecting the bullets.
12. Be careful of alcohol. Not only does it make you stupid, but it makes you a moving target. A predator will always be bigger, stronger, and faster as well as devious.
13. Never leave the house looking less than your best. If you look good you will feel good.
14. Don't be afraid to be who you are, there are people who will hate you for it. But there are also people who will love you. Focus your energies on them.
15. Make friends with people who are doing things and going places. Good energy is a good thing.
16. Always have a little black dress and a fake pair of earrings that look like diamonds. You might not be rich but you can feel like it.
17. Yes, guy lie and they lie constantly. And they lie stupidly. Get used to it. But not all guys lie. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you can kiss a prince.
18. When you don't get what you want, it ends up being a good thing. Often times you get something better.
19. Never hate anyone for being what they are. Find out more about what they are before you cast the first stone. Odds are, you might find a friend. If you don't like the person, make it about the person not about their culture, gender, sexual orientation, faith or anything else.
20. Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself that you are pretty. You are all you have in this world at the end of the day, so you might as well make friends.

Love yourself, you are the only one you have at the end of the day. 

A little black dress and CZ rocks always make you feel rich as well as look it. 

Had a man lie to you? Get even by being successful. Yes, Minka Kelly's photo boy snapped me in this shot because he recognized me and my Sonny Jones from being on TV. 

Nothing is wasted if you use it wisely. Jenny Kropp took a fan photo of myself and May Wilson at the Wide Open. I am wearing the hat. We covered the event that day. 

Don't be afraid to be who you are. 

Don't change for any man

The first people to shoot you down will be your girlfriends. 

Mama Foxx's Mail Bag

Dear Mama Foxxx,

I am a seventeen year old senior in high school. I am the captain of the football and track team as well as an honors student. A lot of my guy friends play sports too. The thing is, they all talk about the girls they are having sex with. I don’t know how these guys are doing it. The worst part is, these guys speak about these women like they are pieces of meat which is ultra disrespectful. I don’t know how they are doing it. The other day they questioned me about my sex life and I told them it was none of their business and they made fun of me. What’s wrong with me? Should I be a bigger pig? How are these guys scoring and I’m not. Help! Signed, Sleeping Alone

Dear Sleeping Alone,

You want to wonder how these guys are getting some? The answer is in their dreams. It’s like fiction, the more a guy brags about who he has sex with the less likely it is happening, unless his girlfriends are named Jill and Palmela. And you are right to have your stomach turn. Young, ignorant, inexperienced guys can be highly disrespectful. And the next time they question you about your sex life and make fun of you tell them, “Well it is none of your business, but since you ask I do date and sleep with real women. Then again, you wouldn’t know about that since you go to Fun World in order to buy your dates.” Needless to say that will shut those young squires up. And the only reason they are doing this anyway is because they want to be Bravo when meanwhile they are more like Beavis and Butthead. Another thing, a guy like you is rare: smart, athletic and wants to treat a girl well. Keep that up Prince Charming and your black book will be breaking the binder while these morons will look on in envy. Love Mama Foxxx

                                                     

Dear Mama Foxxx,

I have seen you on TV and have followed your career and am a fan. You have the courage to be yourself no matter what the hell anyone says which is beautiful. Much like you I am an artist. I write. My stories are bursting out of my notebooks but I am afraid to follow my dream. I want to write more than anything in the world but am afraid of rejection. What do I do? Signed Writer’s Block

Dear Writer’s Block,

Thank you for your sweet letter. It is always an honor and a privilege to hear from fans. My advice to you is for one, keep writing. When one is truly a writer or an artist of any sort they cannot help themselves but they must do or they will wilt up and die. It is important you keep writing. Second, submit for publication. Whether it be a school newspaper, a local gazette or magazine, submit your work. The worst they could do is say no. While rejection is scary it goes with the process of being creative and can make you a stronger person. And from each rejection we learn. I only got the courage to be myself but getting rejected time and time again. The truth is, people will love your work or they might not. The only way to know is to send it out. And if they ultimately reject it ask for feedback. It might just help you become a better writer. Also, see if there are any writing classes or workshops being offered at your school or in your town. That way you can possibly find a mentor in a teacher and meet others with the same goals and fears in order to find support. It takes a special person to be a writer and the journey of an artist is extraordinary. Good luck to you. Love Mama Foxxx

Dear Mama Foxxx,

I am dating the most perfect wonderful girl in the world. She is pretty and smart but the problem is, she comes with a past. When I say past she is twenty years old and has slept with thirty guys. She has been a good girlfriend to me thus far but I have trouble believing she is going to be loyal and every time I am with her I feel like I am competing with every man she ever slept with. What is worse is that sometimes we are out and when she says hi to a guy I worry that they slept together at one point. And my friends make jokes about her being a slut and I always have to defend her. Last week I even punched one out. I love her, I really do. But I don’t know if I can deal with a girl who comes with a past. Help me please! Sloppy Seconds

Dear Sloppy Seconds,

I want to start this letter by saying shame on you! Why is it when a guy sleeps with a lot of women he is a Mack Daddy but when a girl exhibits that sort of same sexual fearlessness she is a slut? Answer, it’s called social double standard and you are buying into it. You say she is the most wonderful girl in the world. It must mean you love her. That is why you need to put her past behind the both of you. When women behave that way it’s not because they are sluts it is because their self esteem is low because men like yourself have either hurt them, abused them, or treated them shiteously. So if you love her stop making it an issue! And it doesn’t matter who she was with the fact of the matter is she is loyal and loves you now. That is what you should concentrate on. Clearly who she was and who she is now are two different people. And so she says hi to guys she knows. It means she has good manners. Maybe you should learn a few Mr. I Punch My Friends Out. The fact you believe she slept with every guy she says hi to is in your insecure, male, ego dick driven head! And our friends are a reflection of who we are and your friends sound like asshole dickheads. Tell them they better start respecting your woman or they have to go. But then again it seems you folks all settle things truck driver style. After reading your letter I want to let you know that not only does she seem to good for you, but I bet you have your fair share of notches on the bed post. Perhaps my smack upside the head will wise you up, you will learn to act right and salvage this relationship with a woman you care for because sir at some point or other we all come with a past. When casting a play in hell we do not have angels as actors. Learn to man up and accept everyone comes with some sort of bullet wound or battle scar or you will have a very lonely life you self righteous, hypocritical piece of shit. YIKES! Love Mama Foxxx

Dear Mama Foxxx,

I am currently twenty one years old and was involved with a man for two years who would verbally insult me and routinely hit me. The relationship ended badly and resulted in me getting a restraining order. You would think that makes it better but it doesn’t. I am afraid to date again and am afraid to trust people. I also wear running shoes wherever I go so I can make a sprint out the door in case he shows up. I want to return to the world of the living again but don’t know how. I watched you on TV and have heard you speak about this on the radio. Help me please. Signed, Basketcase

Dear Basketcase,

Wow, I just want to start this letter by saying I applaud you for having the courage to write me and tell me your story. Since my TV appearance I have gotten dozens of letters from young women like yourself. Let me tell you I know the feelings you are feeling all too well. However I also want to tell you that in this world there are no victims there are only volunteers, and you are volunteering to be a victim. People can only push you as far as you let them, and you are letting this man’s memory haunt you to the point that you cannot live life like a normal person. Normal people go out with friends, date, and don’t wear sneakers so they can sprint from a psycho ex but I am sure you know that. Have you thought about seeking counseling? That way you can talk about your nightmarish experience and get coping strategies for the anxiety this relationship caused you. In addition you can also work on the self esteem issues that brought you to this man and look at the relationship patterns so history does not continue to repeat itself. Seeking help does not make you weak but in fact makes you strong because it means you are facing your problem. As for the dating again, there is no law saying you have to rush into that. Perhaps you need some you time, that way you can learn to love yourself and therefore attract someone positive who can return the favor without physical violence and a barrage of verbal insults. And remember when you want to hide from the world that this man is no longer a part of your life and he can only get as much power as you give him, and it is your choice whether you allow him to haunt you or not. Therefore get out of the house and go to the movies or the bowling alley with some friends. While it might seem like climbing Mount Everest it is a start. Lastly, I know from experience this is all easier said than done. It takes time so be gentle with yourself. Best of luck on your journey towards healing and happiness. Love, Mama Foxxx

More Superfox's Mail Bag

Dear Mama Foxxx,
I am a college guy. I have a girlfriend who is still friends with her ex. This wouldn't be such a big deal but he posts on her facebook wall every day. We go to different colleges in the same town and last weekend she backed out on a date with me because she said she had to study. Turns out he came to town to visit. The only reason I know this is because my best friend spotted them. When I confronted her she didn't deny it but said she lied because I would freak out. Then she told her friends I had a jealousy problem. I don't know what to do. I really love her and she is really pretty.
Signed,
Young Buck in Love

Dear Young Buck in Love,
Dump her like a load of dog shit now.
Sounds like Little Miss Trick likes to play games and she is keeping her options open. That is why she is letting this young man post on her facebook wall as often as he does and that is why she is lying through her teeth. And I also think that there are probably other men. If it happens once, you know it happens twice. That is why I would get myself tested pronto, even if you were using a condom. Also, you have every right to be angry. She LIED TO YOU. But congrats young squire, you are learning a hard and fast lesson. Women, just like men, can be duplicious liars. And so what she is pretty? Seems like she likes to play games with people which means deep down she is pretty ugly. Stick with her and not only will the beauty fade but you will be stuck with an old crone. Lastly, you are young and you are in college. There are lots of young women who not only look good but will treat you with dignity and respect and won't play games. That's what you deserve. You should settle for nothing less. xoxoxo Mama Foxxx


Dear Mama Foxxx,
I am currently fourteen years old. My seventeen year old sister announced to the family she is pregnant and she is keeping the baby. Kids at school are calling my sister a slut. We grew up learning to say no to sex. And now look at what she does. I am having a hard time stomaching the shame she is giving our family.
Signed,
Sister of Seventeen and Pregnant

Dear Sister of Seventeen and Pregnant,
There is nothing good about what your sister is going through. However what is done is done. Right now, more than anything, she needs a friend. And she needs a friend in you. The world is armed and dangerous with their verbal stones ready to pass judgement. You need to start sticking up for your sister and remind these harpies who have something to say that those who live in glass whorehouses should not throw stones. Your religious and spiritual values may not condone having premarital sex nor a child out of wedlock, but the Bible also speaks about aiding those who are down and those who are in need. And your sister is in that posistion. The odds are against her so if you want to help with baby mama stop being a baby and act right. No matter what, the arrival of a child, no matter how adverse the circumstances, should be a joyous occasion. This baby did not ask to be a possible cast member of Teen Mom therefore this is your chance to show everyone what an adult you are by being a good and understanding aunt. Family may not always make us proud. Their decisions, or lack thereof, may not always make us smile. But they are the only people we have in this world and therefore we must back them and stand up for them no matter what the rest of the world says. Love Mama Foxxx

Dear Mama Foxxx,
I am currently dating a guy who has a kid. He is a good dad and I am growing attached to his little boy who spends every weekend with him. However, he hates the kid's mother. They had his son, who is now four, when they were sixteen. To make matters worse the kid's mother wants to meet me to see what kind of person I am. I don't want to meet her. I just keep hearing what a bad mother she is. Why is she being so unfair? Signed, No Thanks Baby Mama

Dear No Thanks Baby Mama,
When your man didn't use a condom at the age of sixteen and popped out a child with this woman, he signed on to deal with her for a lifetime. And being his current squeeze you signed on to this drama bi-proxy. Unfortuately, I am siding with Baby Mama here. She isn't being unfair in wanting to see who her little man is spending time with. Actually, I think she is being a good mother. Being that she has shared custody of the child and doesn't have him on weekends, she knows he is out of her sight but he is not out of her mind. Translated, although she doesnt have anything to do physically with Baby Daddy she wants to make sure you are a quality person who is having a good influence on her child. This means womaning up and meeting her. Translated again: Bathe, don't swear, don't smoke and for the love of God don't show up intoxicated. When she sees you are an okay person she won't have a problem with her child spending time with you. You have to understand that as long as this man and child are going to be a part of your life you have to learn how to get along with this woman. She takes care of the kid during the week, she is the boss. He only gets the kid on the weekends. Not to mention the child did not ask for parents who are no longer together. Therefore the best solution is to learn to get along with this woman no matter what. Although this is not a family who is together, you can all learn how to act right towards each other for the benefit of this little boy who you all love and care for. Lastly, when your man bad mouth's his ex just remmeber, they met when they were sixteen and unlike all high school romances that just end with the two people looking back and rolling their eyes, they are stuck with a kid and therefore although they now differ as people they have to deal with each other. He picked her to have a kid with. He was complicit too. That being said when he bad mouths her be a part of the solution and say, "I'm sorry, I am not comfortable bad mouthing someone I don't know." And mention the little boy seems healthy and well cared for. If this seems hard to swallow remember this isn't just about you, you like this little boy. Remember his welfare. xoxoxo Mama Foxx