Octopussy

I am coming off of a rough patch. August was a crazy month in both a good and bad way. A good way because I found myself in the midst of three rewarding projects. A bad way because I saw the disillusion of both a big project and a friendship.

You find out who your friends are when you work with them. My former friend and I well, maybe if we had never worked together we might still be friends. In my line of work when there is an opportunity you need to jump on it. When you don't, you probably will never see it again. It's just the way it goes. Usually in my line of work if you want a personal life three things happen. One, you die alone. There is a building with a lot of older actors around the corner from me and they are all alone. They have their plays, TV shows, stories, and will carry them to the grave. Or maybe you marry fifty times. It's not because you are a bad person, work brings you all over the globe and you keep long hours. Absence never makes the heart grow fonder. And then your exes and kids hate you. Or maybe you get lucky and find someone who understands. But that is like a needle in a stack of needles.

Granted, this is why a lot of people elect to teach. It lets them have stability and a family life. But in doing that they forfeit the adventure and artistic fulfillment of a life without being weighed down. 

At the end the working situation got abusive. It was to the point where I was spending money without impunity and just was losing my mind. Usually I am better with money but at the end of the month it was like, "Shit, how am I gonna pay my rent." God came through and I did it though.

Sunday I did the Ferragosto Festival in the Bronx. I do Commedia del Arte there with a troupe of actors every year. Our leader is from South Africa originally, and she teaches at a local college in Virginia. Once a year she comes up for the festival. I always like doing the festival after a big disappointment. Several years ago, it was after a breakup where I found out a dude totally misrepresented himself. Then it was after another business relationship with a former friend went south over a similar project. While he wasn't lazy, this particular ex friend had a gambling problem and that took his focus away. There is something about putting a mask on, prancing around in tights, and having my photo taken with strangers that lets me know it's all going to be okay.

This year my character was El Capitano Cockadoo. Basically, he was a captain who boasted of feats of strength but when challenged to a duel or any fight he either backs out or lost. I had a few kids kick my ass in the street.

For lunch I had octopus. They make it the best there. I decided just to go for it. Brain food. And eating that octopus made all the difference in the world.

It gave me a second wind in my period costume in the hot sun. It made me realize it was going to be alright. It made me realize that sometimes in life we put our tentacles on things.

Between yesterday and today I finally uploaded my audiobook. Perhaps that octopus paid off.

Maybe that octopus will make my brain work better and faster. Perhaps it will make my dreams come true. Octopuses they say can be psychic. There was one at a zoo that was. And when it comes to signing contracts

OCTOPUSES MAKE INK!!!!

But seriously, I know it is going to be okay. The worst of it is over. More good things to come.

Love 

April

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

My eight tentacled friend and a good lunch

Back to the Salt Mines

For a while I haven't been giving standup as much attention as I used to. Some of it was events that I just don't want to go into. Cause why? And of course I got the job with the online network and then I made music and wrote a book that I am turning into a musical. While I never stopped performing I just wasn't out every night because I was either in the studio all day putting my book in audio form, shooting for the web network, broadcasting for another web network, or recording music or proof reading and everything else. Plus I have been in the game long enough to know what will happen for me and what won't in the industry. 

I know I will make it on my own original talent, skill, and merit. I know doors open for me because I am unique. I know that I will not be invited to any of the major comedy festivals because I am not a man with a funny beard (or man in general) and/or a fat woman who could easily be cast as Mimi on Drew Carey. I know that even if you are funny they can deny you, especially as a woman. But if you are famous with a large following they cannot. Not to mention names get spots all the time and most of them are the farthest thing from funny. 

My MO for the past few years since the terrible split with the shithole I worked with was that I had no interest in performing unless the following things were in place. One, it was a venue that I liked. Two, it was a show produced by fans/friends where I would be paid well and treated fairly and therefore would perform for free. Three, it was an A list club where they would pack the house. I once told someone I wanted to fight for the spots I deserved and they all said, "We all deserve better spots." Then again, this is someone who hasn't done shit in years so there you go. Needless to say I don't settle. Perhaps that is what makes me the thorn in the side of the men in this industry who view me as an unwelcome guest either because I am terminally unique or because I am not on my back with my legs spread like a lot of girls who are fucking their way to the middle. 

But on the flipside the calender is filling up. Tonight I am emceeing and stuff. I don't usually emcee but it's an old friend and it is a chance to perform again. I took the gig when my calender was light and plus while emceeing is bitch work it is a chance to get on my feet again. And who knows? I might suck. Plus the friend/fan shows are pouring in.

I have been getting up all week to make sure I am ready for tonight. Despite the flash of ego I put on I do get nervous. I put on the flash of ego and remind everyone who I believe I am because acting big doesn;t make me feel so small. So there it is. I have gone back to the salt mines. I detest paying for stage time, especially since sometimes there are people there who want to be cruel to me because I have gotten more TV time in a week than they will in their entire careers. There are people there angry that I am making something of myself, and that I am an independent woman doing it my own way in this man's industry where I am an unwelcome, unwanted guest. Whether it's the Neanderthal's on one end or the uber idiotic alt guys who have too many feelings and not enough talent that happen to be the right gender on the other I am carving my own path. In the past I made the mistake of taking their stupidity, and the careers handed to them because they are guys, personally.

But now I don't give a fuck. 

Actually who am I kidding? I just dedicated an entire paragraph to those fucks. 

I do digress though. I have been hitting the mics and shows this week and have been having more fun than I have in a while. I like being onstage again and feel more at home there than I have in a while. I don't give a fuck the shithole I am too famous for fire me. I don't give a fuck I am not male  in the industry that favors them no matter how much talent they lack. I don't give a fuck I am different in an industry with no imagination that tries to box people, especially women in. I am having fun. I am funny. I am onstage. 

This week has reminded me that despite the bullshit I feel in my career sometimes, largely because I am not a man, I do love what I do. There is no other path for me. There is no other high like someone saying they have seen you on TV. I have tried escaping and this has always found me. I know I get TV time easily. I know my job is to be funny. I know I am just a bundle of nerves who tries to puff herself up because deep down she feels so teeny tiny and pathetically small. I know it is because I am desperate to be loved. I know I sound like a reckless mess who is overworked and this is why I make bad decisions. 

I know I need to do a better job of ignoring those fucks who are jealous and when I refer someone to my fan page because I have too many friends on my regular facebook page say, "The more friends you have on facebook the less friends you have in real life." 

Oh well. I am a human girl. I have a feeling that if I keep fighting the good fight the A-List bookings will catch up to my TV time and more TV time will come. My puppet children will all get new clothes and beds, mom will get a big bed, and maybe I will get a TV. 

I just have to have fun tonight. That's all. 

I am grateful for the open mic salt mines.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available at 877-Buy-Book, Amazon.com
E-Book available at Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available in the Spring of 2103
Portion of proceeds go to RAINN